Modern Family Quotes

Modern Family

Modern Family

Modern Family is a mockumentary that follows the extended Pritchett family with three diverse households that show what it means to be a modern family.

Starring: Ed O'Neill, Sofia Vergara, Julie Bowen, Ty Burrell, Jesse Tyler Ferguson, Eric Stonestreet, Sarah Hyland, Ariel Winter, Nolan Gould, Rico Rodriguez, Aubrey Anderson-Emmons, Jeremy Maguire, Reid Ewing.
Recurring Actors: Adam DeVine, Nathan Lane, Fred Willard, Shelley Long, Elizabeth Banks, Benjamin Bratt, Chazz Palminteri, Dana Powell, Kevin Daniels, Rob Riggle, Stephanie Beatriz, Christian Barillas.
Original Run: 2009-2020.

Quote of the Day

Quote from Claire in Patriot Games

Nina: May the best child win.
Phil: Oh, she will. Consider this moment gauntleted. Is that a word?
Claire: Hold your head up like it is. Vocabulary is mostly a matter of confidence.

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Quote from Gloria in Come Fly with Me

Gloria: [aside to camera] I always wanted a daughter. To dress her up with pretty dresses, do her hair, her nails, her makeup. [chuckles] No one knows this, but for the first year of his life, I made up Manny like a girl and told everybody that he was my daughter. [laughs] Ay, but just for a few times. I didn't want to mess with his head. When he found the pictures, I told him that it was his twin sister who died.

Quote from Cameron in Send Out the Clowns

Cameron: [aside to camera] This week, the world lost a great man, and I lost a mentor. For nearly 60 years, Professor Ringmaster Al Uzielli helped young hopefuls like me find their clown persona.
Mitchell: "Professor Ringmaster"?
Cameron: It's a very prestigious title at Clown College. One step below Piemaster General.

Quote from Claire in The Closet Case

Claire: [aside to camera] That was the moment I realized Phil wanted me to kick Dylan out so he could be the cool one. Well, I can be cool, too. I'm cooler than cool. I'm frigid.

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Quote from Phil in The Day We Almost Died

Phil: I just stopped by to give you guys a little care package to show you there's no hard feelings.
Gil Thorpe: Class act, dung beetle.
Phil: Here's the malpractice attorney most of his clients have used after he's ripped them off. You will be losing some sleep, but these have always helped my wife. And this priest is retired, but I think he still does exorcisms, which you'll need after today.
Sam: Listen, Phil.
Gil Thorpe: It's okay. It's sad, really, to see a once-mediocre realtor reduced to this.
Phil: Gil, please, let's keep this civil. Oh, by the way, if you ever speak disrespectfully again about my wife, I'll kill you. Sorry. That sounded like a joke. I will actually kill you. Anyhoo, when you guys wake up and smell the sulfur, here's a list of other realtors, and if you need me, I'll be in the office at 9:00... Uh, 10:00. I have the dentist.

Quote from Dylan in Heart Broken

Dylan: Can I say one short thing? I came to this house a broken man after my mom threw me out for her new boyfriend. And then I found out I was getting let go from the limo company the same night Haley goes to a party without me. So I had nothing and no one. And then you... [cries]
Cameron: Okay. Come on. Tell him.
Mitchell: Let him finish.
Dylan: I'm sorry. I mean, gay dudes have always been nice to me. I mean, super nice. But nothing like this. I guess what I'm trying to say is-
Mitchell: Oh, my God. He's gonna sing.
Dylan: [playing guitar and singing] So many years living life underwater Came up for air in the room of your daughter I never knew I would find my answer in my ex-girlfriend's uncles' house with the tiny pink panther.

Quote from Phil in My Funky Valentine

Claire: Tell me, would you be interested in earning a merit badge tonight? Do you know anything about tying knots?
Phil: I probably shouldn't be talking to you. I'm a married man.
Claire: Ah. Well, I just so happen to like married men. Tell me about your wife.
Phil: Well, she's beautiful, of course.
Claire: Really? Well, if she's so very beautiful, why are you here with me?
Phil: Because she's always so tired and she's always making lists of things for me to do.
Claire: Maybe if you did them she wouldn't be so tired.
Phil: Oh, no. She can make lists for days. But back to your mouth and how sexy it is.
Claire: Mm-mmm. I wanna go back to these alleged lists and your nagging wife.
Phil: I'm not talking about you. I didn't mean that. Can we try this again?
Claire: Yeah. So if your wife is so beautiful, why are you here with me?
Phil: Because I respect her too much to do to her what I'm going to do to you?
Claire: Oh, jackpot. I'll be right back, Clive.