Phil: So, Dad, I, uh, I w... I wanted to ask you...
Frank: Oh, boy. No serious talk, okay? Yes, I'm taking all my million pills. You can come over and press my stomach. I'm starting to feel like a bean bag chair.

Frank: You know, your mother and I came here every Sunday for 44 years.
Phil: You miss her, don't you?
Frank: It comes and goes. Fourth of July is rough.
Phil: Really? I didn't realize she was so patriotic.
Frank: Well, it's that hot dog eating contest they have on TV. You know, I always thought that your mother could have been a competitive eater. No food ever expired in our house. She'd see that last day pop up on a pound of bacon or a gallon of milk, and down it went. It was personal for her.

Phil: This takes me to my next question. Um... did you and Mom ever... ever want a-a-another child?
Frank: Well, I suppose all parents wonder how things would have changed if they had a different child.
Phil: I-I didn't... didn't mean a different one. I-I mean an additional one.
Frank: Why do you ask?
Phil: Well, 'cause if you'd had another kid, maybe... maybe he'd have taken over the business and... and you wouldn't have had to sell. I always... I always felt kind of bad that I didn't.
Frank: The answer is no, Phil. Never. Because... Well, you did take over the family business, didn't you? Keeping life light, making it fun for everybody.
Phil: I learned from the best.

Phil: [aside to camera] When I was growing up, he was the cool dad. He was hip. He knew all the dances from "Grease." He knew all the expressions. BFF... best friends forever. TMI... too much information. BJ... blue jeans. It makes me feel lucky. We didn't do much that day, but... it might have been one of the... the best days I ever had with my dad. I just didn't know it would be the last.

Phil: My dad was okay. And my takeaway from our day... Don't miss a chance to let the people you appreciate... know that. The hard part has been, um, figuring out a way to pay tribute to my dad, but something came to me in the garage today. I think he would have liked it. He left some big footprints, my old man.

Phil: Speaking of food, y-you ever head over to your old grocery store?
Frank: Hey, listen. Do you remember that?
Phil: Oh, yeah. Penguinsquatch.
Frank: Put this town on the map.
[aside to camera:]
Phil: June 1977. Teen revelers report massive bird footprints emerging from Lake Okeechobee. A crowd gathers, but the new tide has covered the so-called bird prints, and the teens are beaten soundly. Tracks reappear several days later, and once again, word spreads through town. An ornithologist deems the prints those of a gigantic penguin, some 15 feet in height. People come from miles around to catch a glimpse of the wondrous waddler. The tracks will appear on and off for years and then disappear forever, but not before Olympic gold medalist Mary Lou Retton makes the trek to place her tiny footprints inside those of the be-flippered colossus.
[back:]
Phil: Didn't we take a picnic over there a few nights?
Frank: Everyone did. It's the first time I ever saw your mother eat a bag of apples.

Joe: Ooh, can I get that dog? I'll do 50 hours of chores. No, a hundred.
Jay: Whoa. Sales lesson number one... never look desperate in a negotiation. No emotion. Think of your cousin Lily.

Cameron: Hey. We... Are... Are you all about to be my new neighbor? Hope you like to party. My name's Fred. They call me Peeper because... Well, that doesn't matter. Oh, you... look, it's chocolate chip cookies! Kids, get in here! Get yourself some supper! These are my blessings. Do I like ethnic women? Guilty. Do you like farm-fresh eggs?
[aside to camera:]
Gloria: I sold my very first house and destroyed my swooper.
Cameron: Of course, the only way you can destroy a real swooper is to stab its reflection during the Harvest Moon.

Jay: Sales lesson number two... create demand. Leave a few dog beds lying around, dogs fall in love, your phones start ringing off the hook. Go ahead. Over there. Go.
Joe: [to a couple] Wow. My dog really likes this bed. I wonder if leaving it here will create demand.
Woman: Uh, no, thank you.
Jay: [to Joe] Alright, good start. You could've been a little cuter with that.
Joe: What?!
Jay: When did you start saying "really likes"? What happened to "weawwy wikes"?
Joe: You paid a speech therapist to shame it out of me.

Jay: So, all this childhood memorabilia came to me after your mother died... diaries, photo albums, adorable drawings. So, enjoy your stroll down memory lane, but know that at the end of that lane is a dumpster.
Mitchell: Okay. You have a painting upstairs by William "The Refrigerator" Perry, but there's no room for my baby teeth?
[aside to camera:]
Jay: I needed to free up some space in the garage.
Gloria: Because it's not a garage anymore. It's a warehouse full of dog beds that nobody wants to buy.
Jay: It's been a slow period, but it should pick up next quarter.
Gloria: What? When all the dogs get back their income tax refunds and they want to go splurge on beds for themselves?