TV Quotes

George: I still don't see why I can't ask her about my arm.
Elaine: She's a physical therapist. She doesn't want to have to deal with that outside of the office.
George: Why not?
Elaine: Because it is what she does.
George: I love these people! You can't ask them questions. They're so mentally gifted that we mustn't disturb the delicate genius unless it's in the confines of an office! When huge sums of money are involved, then the delicate genius can be disturbed!
Elaine: George, you got a little something, right here.
George: [wiping face] These people think they're so important!

Woman: I can't believe somebody pulled the top off of this muffin.
Elaine: That was me. I'm sorry. I don't like the stumps.
Mr. Lippman: So you just eat the tops?
Elaine: Oh, yeah. It's the best part. It's crunchy. It's explosive. It's where the muffin breaks free of the pan and sort of does its own thing. I'll tell you. That's a million dollar idea right there. Just sell the tops.

Jerry: So we're going to make the post office pay for my new stereo?
Kramer: It's a write-off for them.
Jerry: How is it a write-off?
Kramer: They just write it off.
Jerry: Write it off what?
Kramer: Jerry, all these big companies, they write off everything.
Jerry: You don't even know what a write-off is.
Kramer: Do you?
Jerry: No. I don't.
Kramer: But they do. And they're the ones writing it off.

Kramer: Oh, hey. Hey, have I told you about my bunions? Oh, you're gonna love this story. So, I line up my cold cuts on the couch next to me, but as I'm stacking them up, they keep falling into my foot bath.
Jerry: Kramer, this is awful. We don't want to hear about this.
Kramer: Damn!
Jerry: What?
Kramer: Oh, I bought a bunch of bunion stories from Newman, but they all stink!
Elaine: How much did you pay for them?
Kramer: Eight bucks. I think I'm getting ripped off! [on his way out] Newman!

Elaine: Did you read the whole thing?
Kramer: Oh, yeah.
Elaine: Yeah? So, what's it about?
Kramer: Well, it's a story about love, deception, greed, lust, and unbridled enthusiasm.
Elaine: Unbridled enthusiasm?
Kramer: That's what led to Billy Mumphrey's downfall.
Elaine: Oh, boy.
Kramer: You see, Elaine, Billy was a simple country boy, you might say a cockeyed optimist, who got himself mixed up in the high-stakes game of world diplomacy and international intrigue.
Elaine: Oh, my God.

George: Jerry, this whole Ellen situation has gone far enough.
Jerry: What?
Kramer: Jerry, she's a loser.
Jerry: Where is this coming from? She's great.
George: Why are you doing this, Jerry? Is it your career? Things are going to pick up.
Jerry: There's nothing wrong with my career.
Kramer: Well, I still like the Bloomingdale's executive training program for him.
George: I thought we said we weren't going to discuss that now.
Kramer: Well, you know, I think it's something he should consider.
George: Of course he should consider it, but now is not the time!
Kramer: Listen, George, all these issues are interrelated.