Seinfeld Quotes
- Characters
- Jerry
- George
- Elaine
- Kramer
- Recurring Characters
Seinfeld

The ultimate "show about nothing" follows comedian Jerry Seinfeld and his friends George, Elaine and Kramer.
Starring: Jerry Seinfeld, Jason Alexander, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Michael Richards.
Original Run: 1989-1998.
Quote of the Day
Friday, January 22, 2021
Quote from Jerry in The Chinese Restaurant
Elaine: No, they just have to get more cops on the force, it's as simple as that.
George: Cops. I don't even care about cops. I wanna see more garbage men. It's much more important. All I wanna see are garbage trucks, garbage cans and garbage men. You're never gonna stop crime, we should at least be clean.
Jerry: I tell you what they should do, they should combine the two jobs. Make it one job, 'cop\garbage man'. I always see cops walking around with nothing to do. Grab a broom! Start sweeping. You sweep, sweep, sweep. Catch a criminal, get right back to sweeping.
Elaine: You should run for mayor.
Jerry: Eh, nobody listens.
Popular Quotes
Quote from George in The Kiss Hello
George: I still don't see why I can't ask her about my arm.
Elaine: She's a physical therapist. She doesn't want to have to deal with that outside of the office.
George: Why not?
Elaine: Because it is what she does.
George: I love these people! You can't ask them questions. They're so mentally gifted that we mustn't disturb the delicate genius unless it's in the confines of an office! When huge sums of money are involved, then the delicate genius can be disturbed!
Elaine: George, you got a little something, right here.
George: [wiping face] These people think they're so important!
Quote from Elaine in The Muffin Tops
Woman: I can't believe somebody pulled the top off of this muffin.
Elaine: That was me. I'm sorry. I don't like the stumps.
Mr. Lippman: So you just eat the tops?
Elaine: Oh, yeah. It's the best part. It's crunchy. It's explosive. It's where the muffin breaks free of the pan and sort of does its own thing. I'll tell you. That's a million dollar idea right there. Just sell the tops.
Quote from Kramer in The Package
Jerry: So we're going to make the post office pay for my new stereo?
Kramer: It's a write-off for them.
Jerry: How is it a write-off?
Kramer: They just write it off.
Jerry: Write it off what?
Kramer: Jerry, all these big companies, they write off everything.
Jerry: You don't even know what a write-off is.
Kramer: Do you?
Jerry: No. I don't.
Kramer: But they do. And they're the ones writing it off.
Quote Collections
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“Dr. Van Nostrand & H.E. Pennypacker”
Cosmo Kramer's multiple aliases: professor Peter Van Nostrand, actor Martin Van Nostrand, Doctor Van Nostrand, and industrialist H.E. Pennypacker.
11 quotes
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Art Vandelay is a fictitious person invented by George who often features in his lies.
21 quotes
Trending Quotes
Quote from Kramer in The Doorman
Kramer: You know, Frank can't be too comfortable with those things clanging around. He should wear something for support.
George: You mean like a bra?
Kramer: A bra is for ladies. I'm talking about a support undergarment specifically designed for men.
Jerry: Boy, that brain never stops working, does it?
Kramer: I tell you, I'm gonna go noodle with this.
Quote from Elaine in The Revenge
Elaine: Which one is he?
George: That's him over there. The one that looks like a blowfish.
Elaine: Oh, yeah. I see him.
George: Yeah. Hey, thanks for doing this.
Elaine: Why pass up the opportunity to go to prison?
George: This is by far the most exciting thing I've ever done.
Elaine: Yeah. It is kind of cool.
George: First time in my life I've ever gotten back at someone.
Elaine: I can't believe we're doing this. This is the kind of thing they do in the movies.
George: That's exactly what I told Jerry!
Elaine: Really?
George: Yes!