TV Quotes

Woman: I can't believe somebody pulled the top off of this muffin.
Elaine: That was me. I'm sorry. I don't like the stumps.
Mr. Lippman: So you just eat the tops?
Elaine: Oh, yeah. It's the best part. It's crunchy. It's explosive. It's where the muffin breaks free of the pan and sort of does its own thing. I'll tell you. That's a million dollar idea right there. Just sell the tops.

Jerry: So we're going to make the post office pay for my new stereo?
Kramer: It's a write-off for them.
Jerry: How is it a write-off?
Kramer: They just write it off.
Jerry: Write it off what?
Kramer: Jerry, all these big companies, they write off everything.
Jerry: You don't even know what a write-off is.
Kramer: Do you?
Jerry: No. I don't.
Kramer: But they do. And they're the ones writing it off.

George: I still don't see why I can't ask her about my arm.
Elaine: She's a physical therapist. She doesn't want to have to deal with that outside of the office.
George: Why not?
Elaine: Because it is what she does.
George: I love these people! You can't ask them questions. They're so mentally gifted that we mustn't disturb the delicate genius unless it's in the confines of an office! When huge sums of money are involved, then the delicate genius can be disturbed!
Elaine: George, you got a little something, right here.
George: [wiping face] These people think they're so important!

David Puddy: Well, let's see, I've got a ten kroner, a five kroner, a twenty kroner. No wait, that's another ten kroner. A "femti" kroner? How much is that?
Elaine: We have to break up.
David Puddy: What?
Elaine: I can't take this anymore! I don't want to hear how interesting the change with the hole in it is. And if you tell me what time it is in New York again, you are going home in a body bag!
David Puddy: Well what about you? What do you think The Gap in Rome has that's not in The Gap on Broadway?
Elaine: Okay, all right listen. Forget about The Gap because we are through!
David Puddy: Fine!
Elaine: Fine!
Cab Driver: Okay, terminal three. Have a nice flight.

Elaine: Did you read the whole thing?
Kramer: Oh, yeah.
Elaine: Yeah? So, what's it about?
Kramer: Well, it's a story about love, deception, greed, lust, and unbridled enthusiasm.
Elaine: Unbridled enthusiasm?
Kramer: That's what led to Billy Mumphrey's downfall.
Elaine: Oh, boy.
Kramer: You see, Elaine, Billy was a simple country boy, you might say a cockeyed optimist, who got himself mixed up in the high-stakes game of world diplomacy and international intrigue.
Elaine: Oh, my God.

Lloyd: I'd like a hotdog, please.
Attendant: Are you outta your mind?
Kramer: Wh- Wh- Wh- What's the problem here?
Attendant: This hotdog's been here since the silent era. You'd have to be insane to eat it.
Kramer: No, no, no, no, no. This man is not insane. Now, there's nothing wrong with it or you.
Lloyd: Kramer, maybe...
Kramer: No, no, no, no. I'll show you. [drops bill] One hotdog please.
Attendant: Okay.
Kramer: Mmm, doesn't that smell good, huh? [takes hot dog] Yeah, here we go, yeah. [takes a big bite] Mmm, oh. That's delicious. Mmm. It's a perfectly sane food to eat. [another bite] hotdog. Umm, interesting texture. It's chewy. [half-cough, half-retch] I gotta get, some air.