Seinfeld Quotes

Seinfeld

Seinfeld

The ultimate "show about nothing" follows comedian Jerry Seinfeld and his friends George, Elaine and Kramer.

Starring: Jerry Seinfeld, Jason Alexander, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Michael Richards.
Original Run: 1989-1998.

Quote of the Day

Monday, October 19, 2020

Quote from George in The Label Maker

Bonnie: Well, here we are. This is the place.
George: Wow.
Bonnie: Do you like it?
George: I love it! This is fantastic! Look at this couch, is this velvet?!
Bonnie: Are you a velvet fan?
George: A fan? I would drape myself in velvet if it were socially acceptable. And look at this, hardwood floors!

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Quote from Elaine in The Muffin Tops

Woman: I can't believe somebody pulled the top off of this muffin.
Elaine: That was me. I'm sorry. I don't like the stumps.
Mr. Lippman: So you just eat the tops?
Elaine: Oh, yeah. It's the best part. It's crunchy. It's explosive. It's where the muffin breaks free of the pan and sort of does its own thing. I'll tell you. That's a million dollar idea right there. Just sell the tops.

Quote from George in The Kiss Hello

George: I still don't see why I can't ask her about my arm.
Elaine: She's a physical therapist. She doesn't want to have to deal with that outside of the office.
George: Why not?
Elaine: Because it is what she does.
George: I love these people! You can't ask them questions. They're so mentally gifted that we mustn't disturb the delicate genius unless it's in the confines of an office! When huge sums of money are involved, then the delicate genius can be disturbed!
Elaine: George, you got a little something, right here.
George: [wiping face] These people think they're so important!

Quote from Kramer in The Package

Jerry: So we're going to make the post office pay for my new stereo?
Kramer: It's a write-off for them.
Jerry: How is it a write-off?
Kramer: They just write it off.
Jerry: Write it off what?
Kramer: Jerry, all these big companies, they write off everything
Jerry: You don't even know what a write-off is.
Kramer: Do you?
Jerry: No. I don't.
Kramer: But they do. And they're the ones writing it off.

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Quote from Jerry in The Deal

[stand-up:]
Jerry: I had to buy a gift for someone. The hardest part to me is that card. That card is a killer. I never know what it's supposed to say. And it's getting so tough because the relationships are getting so complicated. Greeting card companies now put out cards that are blank on the inside. Nothing. No message. I mean, it's like the card company says, "We give up. You think of something." You know? "For 75 cents, I don't want to get involved."

Quote from Elaine in The Muffin Tops

Woman: I can't believe somebody pulled the top off of this muffin.
Elaine: That was me. I'm sorry. I don't like the stumps.
Mr. Lippman: So you just eat the tops?
Elaine: Oh, yeah. It's the best part. It's crunchy. It's explosive. It's where the muffin breaks free of the pan and sort of does its own thing. I'll tell you. That's a million dollar idea right there. Just sell the tops.

Quote from George in The Busboy

Elaine: Do you want some of mine?
Jerry: Take some of mine.
George: Why do I get pesto? Why do I think I'll like it? I keep trying to like it. Like I have to like it.
Jerry: Who said you have to like it?
George: Everybody likes pesto. You walk into a restaurant, that's all you hear. Pesto, pesto, pesto.
Jerry: I don't like pesto.
George: Where was pesto ten years ago?