Seinfeld Quotes
- Characters
- Jerry
- George
- Elaine
- Kramer
- Recurring Characters
Seinfeld

The ultimate "show about nothing" follows comedian Jerry Seinfeld and his friends George, Elaine and Kramer.
Starring:
Jerry Seinfeld, Jason Alexander, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Michael Richards.
Recurring Actors:
Wayne Knight, Estelle Harris, Jerry Stiller, Liz Sheridan, Barney Martin, Len Lesser, Larry David, John O'Hurley, Phil Morris, Patrick Warburton, Heidi Swedberg.
Original Run: 1989-1998.
Quote of the Day
Quote from Jerry in The Glasses
Elaine: Oh, come on. Cousin Jeffrey? It's not possible.
Jerry: Why not? They could have met. She loves the park, he works for the Parks Department.
Elaine: Jerry, that is so ridiculous. But George didn't even have his glasses on.
Jerry: But he was squinting.
Elaine: So what? Squinting doesn't make that much of a difference.
Jerry: Are you kidding? I've seen him squint. He can squint his way down to like twenty, thirty vision. Once, we were driving down from the Catskills and he lost his glasses. He squinted his way from Wurtsboro down to the Tappan Zee Bridge. He was spotting raccoons on the road!
Popular Quotes
Quote from Elaine in The Muffin Tops
Woman: I can't believe somebody pulled the top off of this muffin.
Elaine: That was me. I'm sorry. I don't like the stumps.
Mr. Lippman: So you just eat the tops?
Elaine: Oh, yeah. It's the best part. It's crunchy. It's explosive. It's where the muffin breaks free of the pan and sort of does its own thing. I'll tell you. That's a million dollar idea right there. Just sell the tops.
Quote from Kramer in The Package
Jerry: So we're going to make the post office pay for my new stereo?
Kramer: It's a write-off for them.
Jerry: How is it a write-off?
Kramer: They just write it off.
Jerry: Write it off what?
Kramer: Jerry, all these big companies, they write off everything.
Jerry: You don't even know what a write-off is.
Kramer: Do you?
Jerry: No. I don't.
Kramer: But they do. And they're the ones writing it off.
Quote from George in The Kiss Hello
George: I still don't see why I can't ask her about my arm.
Elaine: She's a physical therapist. She doesn't want to have to deal with that outside of the office.
George: Why not?
Elaine: Because it is what she does.
George: I love these people! You can't ask them questions. They're so mentally gifted that we mustn't disturb the delicate genius unless it's in the confines of an office! When huge sums of money are involved, then the delicate genius can be disturbed!
Elaine: George, you got a little something, right here.
George: [wiping face] These people think they're so important!
Quote Collections
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Art Vandelay is a fictitious person invented by George who often features in his lies.
21 quotes
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“Dr. Van Nostrand & H.E. Pennypacker”
Cosmo Kramer's multiple aliases: professor Peter Van Nostrand, actor Martin Van Nostrand, Doctor Van Nostrand, and industrialist H.E. Pennypacker.
11 quotes
Trending Quotes
Quote from Kramer in The Subway
Kramer: Oh yeah, it's all set. They got the bug boy on it.
Man: The bug boy?
Kramer: Yeah, the little fella's been riding his heart out. They're gonna break his maiden.
Man: Really? But, it's a little bit slow out there. It rained last night.
Kramer: Oh, this baby loves the slop. Loves it, eats it up. Eats the slop. Born in the slop. His father was a mudder.
Man: His father was a mudder?
Kramer: His mother was a mudder.
Man: His mother was a mudder?
Kramer: What did I just say?
Quote from Kramer in The Doodle
Elaine: Did you read the whole thing?
Kramer: Oh, yeah.
Elaine: Yeah? So, what's it about?
Kramer: Well, it's a story about love, deception, greed, lust, and unbridled enthusiasm.
Elaine: Unbridled enthusiasm?
Kramer: That's what led to Billy Mumphrey's downfall.
Elaine: Oh, boy.
Kramer: You see, Elaine, Billy was a simple country boy, you might say a cockeyed optimist, who got himself mixed up in the high-stakes game of world diplomacy and international intrigue.
Elaine: Oh, my God.
Quote from Jerry in The Dinner Party
Elaine: What's this one?
Clerk: That's Cinnamon babka.
Jerry: Another babka?
Clerk: There's chocolate and there's cinnamon.
Jerry: Well, we've got to get the cinnamon.
Elaine: No, but they got the chocolate. We'll be going in with lesser babka.
Jerry: I beg your pardon? Cinnamon takes a back seat to no babka. People love cinnamon. It should be on tables at restaurants along with salt and pepper. Anytime anyone says, "Oh, this is so good. What's in it?" The answer invariably comes back, cinnamon. Cinnamon, again and again. Lesser babka? I think not.