TV Quotes

Kramer: Hey, buddy. How was Career Day?
Jerry: Ah, I didn't get on. The lizard guy went long.
George: You got bumped from Career Day?
Jerry: It was a mix-up, I'm sure.
Kramer: They're trying to screw with your head.
Jerry: Now, why would a junior high school want to screw with my head?
Kramer: Why does Radio Shack ask for your phone number when you buy batteries? I don't know.

Woman: I can't believe somebody pulled the top off of this muffin.
Elaine: That was me. I'm sorry. I don't like the stumps.
Mr. Lippman: So you just eat the tops?
Elaine: Oh, yeah. It's the best part. It's crunchy. It's explosive. It's where the muffin breaks free of the pan and sort of does its own thing. I'll tell you. That's a million dollar idea right there. Just sell the tops.

George: I still don't see why I can't ask her about my arm.
Elaine: She's a physical therapist. She doesn't want to have to deal with that outside of the office.
George: Why not?
Elaine: Because it is what she does.
George: I love these people! You can't ask them questions. They're so mentally gifted that we mustn't disturb the delicate genius unless it's in the confines of an office! When huge sums of money are involved, then the delicate genius can be disturbed!
Elaine: George, you got a little something, right here.
George: [wiping face] These people think they're so important!

Jerry: So we're going to make the post office pay for my new stereo?
Kramer: It's a write-off for them.
Jerry: How is it a write-off?
Kramer: They just write it off.
Jerry: Write it off what?
Kramer: Jerry, all these big companies, they write off everything
Jerry: You don't even know what a write-off is.
Kramer: Do you?
Jerry: No. I don't.
Kramer: But they do. And they're the ones writing it off.

Lloyd: Ooh! I asked Mr. Dinkins if he knew any good orthopedists, and he said he had the best. So, I made an appointment for you. Dr. Dekter.
Estelle Costanza: Mayor Dinkins got an appointment for him?
Frank Costanza: You mentioned George's name to Mayor Dinkins? You discussed George with the mayor of New York?
Estelle Costanza: Dinkins was talking about you. He was discussing you.
George: You know, Lloyd, I've been to the doctor. There's really nothing they can do.
Frank Costanza: Hey, Mayor Dinkins set this up for you. You know what kind of a doctor this must be if Dinkins knows him?
George: All right. All right. I'll go.

George: I guess I've been hanging on to them for so long 'cause I couldn't accept the fact that Dad was really gone forever. [holds a piece of clothing]
Rudy: Uh-huh.
George: They will get a good home won't they?
Rudy: Look, I gotta be honest with you there's nothing here too spectacular.
George: Oh, I beg to differ. My father took great pride in his appearance. He was a very handsome man. A Casanova really.
Rudy: I'll give you, uh, $200 for the three boxes.
George: Could you make it $225 that was his high-game in bowling.
Rudy: Yeah, I'm in a good mood here.
George: Thank you.

Ipswich: Ms. Benes, the hat you charged to the company was Sable. This is Neutria.
Elaine: Well, that's a kind of Sable.
Ipswich: No, it's a kind of rat.
Elaine: That's a rat hat?
Ipswich: And a poorly made one, even by rat hat standards. I have no choice but to recommend your prompt termination to the board of directors. Nothing short of the approval of Peterman himself will save you this time.
Elaine: But... But he's in the Burmese jungle.
Ipswich: And quite mad, too, from what I hear.
Elaine: Wait. Can I fire you?
Ipswich: No.