TV Quotes

Woman: I can't believe somebody pulled the top off of this muffin.
Elaine: That was me. I'm sorry. I don't like the stumps.
Mr. Lippman: So you just eat the tops?
Elaine: Oh, yeah. It's the best part. It's crunchy. It's explosive. It's where the muffin breaks free of the pan and sort of does its own thing. I'll tell you. That's a million dollar idea right there. Just sell the tops.

George: I still don't see why I can't ask her about my arm.
Elaine: She's a physical therapist. She doesn't want to have to deal with that outside of the office.
George: Why not?
Elaine: Because it is what she does.
George: I love these people! You can't ask them questions. They're so mentally gifted that we mustn't disturb the delicate genius unless it's in the confines of an office! When huge sums of money are involved, then the delicate genius can be disturbed!
Elaine: George, you got a little something, right here.
George: [wiping face] These people think they're so important!

Jerry: So we're going to make the post office pay for my new stereo?
Kramer: It's a write-off for them.
Jerry: How is it a write-off?
Kramer: They just write it off.
Jerry: Write it off what?
Kramer: Jerry, all these big companies, they write off everything.
Jerry: You don't even know what a write-off is.
Kramer: Do you?
Jerry: No. I don't.
Kramer: But they do. And they're the ones writing it off.

Elaine: Um, George felt that I was too adamant in my stance that Art should focus on the exporting and forget about the importing.
Susan Ross: Wait a minute. I thought that Art wanted to give up the exporting.
Elaine: What did I say?
Susan Ross: The importing.
Elaine: I did. Uh...
Susan Ross: So, what does he uh, import?
Elaine: Chips.
Susan Ross: Oh. What kinda chips?
Elaine: Potato.
Susan Ross: Ah.
Elaine: Some corn.
Susan Ross: And what does he export?
Elaine: Diapers.

[A wealthy, elderly couple admire Nina's painting of Kramer:]
Mrs. Armstrong: I sense great vulnerability. A man-child crying out for love. An innocent orphan in the post-modern world.
Mr. Armstrong: I see a parasite. A sexually-depraved miscreant, who is seeking to gratify basest and most immediate urges.
[cut:]
Mrs. Armstrong: His struggle is man's struggle. He lifts my spirit.
Mr. Armstrong: He is a loathsome, offensive brute. Yet I can't look away.
[cut:]
Mrs. Armstrong: He transcends time and space.
Mr. Armstrong: He sickens me.
Mrs. Armstrong: I love it.
Mr. Armstrong: Me too.

Kramer: [between coughs] Hey.
George: What's with the dog?
Kramer: Yeah, this is Smuckers. I borrowed him. [Smuckers coughs] Yeah, we share the same affliction, so I'm gonna have a vet check us out.
George: A vet?
Kramer: Oh, I'll take a vet over an MD any day. They gotta be able to cure a lizard, a chicken, a pig, a frog all on the same day.
George: So, if I may jump ahead, you're gonna take dog medicine?
Kramer: You bet we are! Huh, Smuckers? [Smuckers coughs]