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‘The More You Ignore Me’ Quotes

Modern Family: The More You Ignore Me

706. The More You Ignore Me

Aired November 11, 2015

Claire and Phil are concerned when Luke is arrested for driving without a license and they catch Alex sneaking out of a liquor store. Cameron tries to convince Gloria to sell her family's sauce at the farmer's market, while Mitchell helps Jay film a video for an industry awards show. Meanwhile, Haley and Dylan run into Andy and Beth at the cinema.

Quote from Gloria

Gloria: It's a secret recipe that has been in my family for generations.
Cameron: Was your sauce buried in a local time capsule during the bicentennial? Because mine was.
Gloria: My great-aunt Miranda was the only one that could make it, and because I was the oldest girl that didn't marry a Peruvian, the recipe passed down to me.

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Quote from Cameron

Cameron: [aside to camera] It was a boon year for tomatoes on the farm, or what we're calling Tomatogeddon. So they made an extra-large batch of Tucker's famous, and we're selling it at the Farmers' Market.
Mitchell: Now, when you say "famous"?
Cameron: It's known Missouri-wide. A death-row inmate requested it for his last meal.

Quote from Cameron

Cameron: Well, you, sir, take your time deciding. We'll be here just as sure as a coonhound takes a summer nap in the shade of a chifferobe.
Mitchell: OK, now you're just randomly throwing words together from "To Kill a Mockingbird."

Quote from Phil

Phil: [on the car phone] Hey, Lloyd, it's your dad, A. K. A. your worst nightmare. Just reminding you the duck village needs to be clean enough to eat off of. You hear me? You better not have.
Claire: You think maybe you're being a bit hard on Luke?
Phil: We're his parents, Claire. It's our job to keep him off the stripper pole.

Quote from Phil

Claire: I actually like that he's being a little bit rebellious. Sometimes, between the magic and the trampolining, I think he's getting a little You know.
[aside to camera:]
Phil: What are you trying to say, Claire? A little me? There it was again, the insinuation that I'm not dangerous enough for her. Apparently, she's forgotten I've been to jail. I once led 20 violent inmates in a therapeutic tumbling class. It was a huge success. Could I have made the participation trophies a little less stabby? Sure. But overall, a huge success.

Quote from Mitchell

Mitchell: Oh, no. Is this one of those video wills where you make us compete in a scavenger hunt for your inheritance?
Jay: No. It's the video for my Titan Award. I told you about it. I'm trying to project strength and confidence.
Mitchell: Maybe you should lose the Garfield "I hate Mondays" mug on the mantel.
Jay: Good catch.
Mitchell: I've waited my whole life to hear you say those words.

Quote from Mitchell

Cameron: Hello.
Simon: Oh, hello! Here to try our hand-caught artisanal trout jerky? - No.
Andrew: It's selling like hotcakes. Actually, better. See the vegan hotcakes stand? Next to the bespoke honey stall.
Mitchell: We should be careful. This market might be a trick to get a whole bunch of white people together in one spot.

Quote from Gloria

Gloria: Come on, Joe!
Joe: I don't want to learn!
Gloria: But you have to learn! And it's so easy. Look, first, you make the little man, then you tie the rope around its throat.

Quote from Phil

Claire: You know, we're gonna have to ground you, and I was thinking that-
Phil: Oh, we're doing way more than that. Landon has a $300 fine to work off.
Luke: We could fight that, say the cop was racist. Even if we lose, it'll start a conversation.
Phil: You made a mistake, you pay the consequences, Levon. Your first job is cleaning out the awesome village I built for my ducks.
Luke: Aren't they mom's ducks?
Phil: Do you really want to test me right now?!

Quote from Jay

Jay: I'm starting over.
Gloria: Why?
Jay: You guys were bored, and the video obviously doesn't capture my essence. You think that fellow Titan Ed Fisk, the Lion of Linoleum, would make that mistake?
Gloria: How big is this event? Is there going to be a red carpet?
Jay: No, but Red Murtaugh, of Red's Carpets, will be there. I'm walking with giants, Gloria, and that's a good way to get stepped on.

Quote from Haley

Haley: [aside to camera] Ever since Andy got engaged, things between us have been weird. Like "a woman with olive skin trying to pull off red hair" weird. I just wanted to watch the movie and get out of there before it got awkward.

Quote from Phil

Claire: OK, my point is it wouldn't hurt Alex to loosen up. I mean, I'm worried that she's getting a little-
Phil: There it is again. Just say it, Claire, You like our kids running wild 'cause you're worried they're too much like their namby-pamby dad, Mr. Goody-Goody, Mayor of Vanillatown.
Claire: Is this 'cause the ducks like me better?
Phil: That is biological, and you know it. There are videos of them online following around a vacuum cleaner. They're basically idiots!

Quote from Cameron

Gloria: Ay, I don't have many things that remind me of Colombia here in the house, but now I do.
Cameron: Legend has it our sauce was so secret, it was only written down one place.
Gloria: We grew up eating this every Sunday, and now Manny and Joe will, too.
Cameron: It was tattooed backwards on a lame stable boy. You could only read it in a mirror.

Quote from Phil

Claire: She's still not answering. I can't believe we lost them.
Phil: We're almost home. I can track her phone from the computer. "I hope you can track her phone better than you tracked that van." I'm sorry, Claire. Just 'cause I'm 1/64th Cherokee, it doesn't make me a natural tracker.

Quote from Phil

Claire: Phil, it's the van!
Phil: In my own house?!
Claire: Oh, no! Okay, now, hang on.
Phil: Don't hold me back, Claire! I may be one 1/64th Cherokee, but I'm also 63/64ths crazy white guy!


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