Modern Family Quote of the Day

Friday, July 30, 2021

Quote from Phil in Sleeper

Alex: This sucks. My teacher gave me mononucleosis.
Claire: As a parent, I feel I should ask about this.
Haley: Slow down. It's not like she gets that many tugs on the line.
Alex: It's for A.P. Bio. We have to write a report about a disease, and I got the worst one. This is a joke.
Phil: Actually, it's pretty serious. Back in college, I caught mono from my roommate, Ling. Served us right for fooling around. Never share a flute, kids.

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Recent Quotes

Thursday, July 29, 2021

Quote from Cameron in ClosetCon '13

Cameron: [aside to camera] After the initial shock, Gram softened a bit. She even agreed to attend the wedding.
Mitchell: Standing outside with a sign.
Cameron: Baby steps, Mitchell. Baby steps.

Wednesday, July 28, 2021

Quote from Jay in Earthquake

Manny: Just one week. Can I go golfing with you?
Jay: I'm probably gonna have a Latino kid carry my clubs anyway. Might as well be you.

Tuesday, July 27, 2021

Quote from Gloria in The Long Honeymoon

Jay: Pretty snazzy new cheaters, huh? Five bucks.
Gloria: Wow.
Jay: I know, right?!
[aside to camera:]
Gloria: My husband is an older man, but he's not an old man. But with the track suit and, and now the glasses, it's like he just stopped trying lately. Comfort is not everything. My toes have been numb since my quinceanera.

Monday, July 26, 2021

Quote from Cameron in Unplugged

Cameron: [affected accent] The tribe elders foretold that though I lay with fire-haired man, the giving hawk would bring us baby with her skin the color of sweet corn, which my people call maize.
Mitchell: Okay. Please stop.
Mr. Plympton: Well, uh-
Cameron: Knowledge is her sustenance. Like so much maize which, you'll remember, means corn.
Mitchell: What if I was a single dad?

Sunday, July 25, 2021

Quote from Haley in In Your Head

Haley: Could you please just read my sample? This job is important to me. This is my one shot at a real career.
Alex: Fine, I'll read it. And "real career"? I've seen this NERP business. Nicole Rosemary Page seems bonkers. Didn't she get in trouble for cannibalism?
Haley: No. Turns out there are no laws against eating your own appendix, and it does help with fine lines. But she's a success story. Child star, Bond girl, indie darling before she lost all her money to a Fonzie scheme.
Alex: Don't you mean Ponzi scheme?
Haley: Sadly, no.

Saturday, July 24, 2021

Quote from Phil in Starry Night

Phil: Claire, I know you've got your methods, but so do I. And I'm sorry, but I'm not a micromanager. Trust me, I can provide Luke with the tools and guidance he needs without, uh, smothering him.
Claire: You think I smother our child?
Phil: It's not your fault, honey. "Mother" is part of the word. You never hear of anyone being "sfathered" to death.

Upcoming Quotes

Saturday, July 31, 2021

A quote from Gloria in the episode Weathering Heights.

Sunday, August 1, 2021

A quote from Jay in the episode Brushes with Celebrity.

Monday, August 2, 2021

A quote from Cameron in the episode Message Received.

Tuesday, August 3, 2021

A quote from Mitchell in the episode Kids These Days.

Wednesday, August 4, 2021

A quote from Jay in the episode The Wow Factor.