TV Quotes

Lily: I want a cheeseburger.
Cameron: But this is a special soup called pho.
Lily: You told me not to say that word.

Claire: So, you and Luke having a good time?
Manny: I don't know. He won't come out of his box. Maybe I'll just stay here and spend some time with my sister.
Claire: Oh, right, I guess, technically, I would be your stepsister.
Manny: My mother says we are never to use the word "step" because it means "not real," and we are a real family.
Claire: Mm.
Manny: So, what is the matter, Claire?
Claire: What?
Manny: You seem sad.
Claire: It's just stuff with Alex. You know, kid stuff.
Manny: Ugh, kids. You don't have to tell me. My school is full of them.

Alex: Okay, I am technically in charge tonight, so no one tells Lily where babies come from.
Manny: I could not agree more.
Luke: I don't know why you Americans are so uptight about sex.
Alex: Sex is confusing for young people, and she doesn't need to learn from two fuzz-staches who barely know anything themselves.
Luke: Excuse me, you might want to check my browser history. I've done some research.
Alex: Oh. Well, great. I'm just gonna go vomit forever now.

Claire: [aside to camera] Yeah, of course I want Luke to be successful. But I don't think that a parent can just force that. I think you just have to have faith that the kid's gonna find his own way. [sighs] Besides, Luke already is the best at something: being my son. [chuckles] It sounded a lot less lame in my head.

Phil: Good evening. I would not be here tonight if not for the hard work of the SCARB board of trustees...
[aside to camera:]
Phil: I didn't have my jokes. What choice does a guy have but to play it straight?
[back:]
Phil: The support of my family and Gil Thorpe's colon. [crowd laughs]
[aside to camera:]
Phil: But Phil Dunphy is no straight guy.

Jay: [aside to camera] It's fun when your kids get your best qualities, but it's a kick in the gut when they pick up stuff you hate about yourself. I saw that ugly, impatient part of me coming out of my adorable son. In fairness, that adorable part also came from me. We both got my mom's crab-apple cheeks and pillow lips.

Cameron: We're just trying to make it in this world raise our daughter, get her to her soccer game.
Jotham: Not Youth Soccer Federation. Because if it's Youth Soccer Federation I don't wanna know.
Mitchell: Oh, my God! You know what? Sh-Shame! Shame! Shame! Shame on you. You are no better than the people in that restaurant. Come on, Cam. Let's go. Come on. Think they bought it?
Cameron: Keep your head up. Don't look back. Being right is mostly confidence.