TV Quotes

Cameron: All right. We heard from our college-going sheep. Now, Luke, you wisely took a gap year, got a job, made mad stacks, and invested a little, correct?
Luke: Totally. I own 300 microrubels, a Russian cryptocurrency I heard about on Facebook, which currently, you can only use to buy a Chechen party drug called Frankenstein.

Phil: [aside to camera] What does it take to make a great salesman? It's no big secret. You just follow the ABC's of salesmanship: Always Be Closing. Don't Ever Forget Great Home Ideas Just Keep Lurking Mostly Nearby.
Often, People Question Realtors' Sincerity. Take Umbrage. Violators Will- Oh, shoot

Cameron: [aside to camera] When Mitchell and I first met, I may have exaggerated my interest in adventurous travel by implying that I had any. But it's one of the things he loves most about me, and I can't tell him the truth now. It would be like Lewis telling Clark that he didn't like to walk. Side note: We're very good friends with a couple named Lewis and Clark. Clark bought a big, sparkly belt in New Orleans that he calls his Louisiana Purchase.

Jay: Looks like I missed the party, huh?
Mitchell: What is- What is that doing here?
Jay: He is a gift for you and Cam.
Mitchell: Thank you.
Jay: He lost his monocle on the drive. Head was out the window.
Cameron: Well, they love that.

Andy: Hey, Mrs. Dunphy. Remember me?
Claire: Andy. Of course. Come on in. You are Joe's babysitter, right?
Andy: Uh, "manny" is what we call ourselves in the child care community. But it's confusing in that house because of their son Manny. So I've been trying to get traction with "bro-pair."

Dylan: Oh, did I ever tell you that I put your name up here? Huh?
Haley: "Haley Dunphy dome." Aww, you named our special spot?
Dylan: Actually it was supposed to be "Haley Dunphy, do me." I'm bad with spacing.
Haley: Oh, you're not so bad.

Manny: Cam, our shared bathroom is not the place to work out whatever's going on here.
[aside to camera:]
Manny: I'm a child of divorce. Conflict resolution is something of a specialty. The key is, tell a personal story that applies to their situation, even if you have to make one up. That way, they really hear what they need to hear.