Modern Family Quote of the Day

Tuesday, December 1, 2020

Quote from Cameron in Mistery Date

Cameron: Soothing, right? You see, as the music relaxes the baby, you relax.
Gloria: No, you're making the baby jump on my bladder. How can it relax listening to a song about a hooker?
Cameron: She's not a hooker, she's a private dancer. A dancer for money. She'll do what you want her to- Oh, my gosh, I taught Lily this song.

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Recent Quotes

Monday, November 30, 2020

Quote from Phil in Did the Chicken Cross the Road?

Phil: Well, she does come by her wanderlust honestly. The kids here all know about my high school trip to the Soviet Union.
Alex: Yeah, but she doesn't need to hear about that.
Florence: No, please. Continue.
Phil: In the depths of the Cold War, my tumbling team was part of a cultural exchange. I became friends with a Russian tumbler named Sergei who wanted to hear all about the U.S. He asked me to... to send pictures when I got home, and not just touristy stuff. Sergei was interested in ordinary things. Uh, airports, um, power plants, train stations. His family was in the fence business. He said our military had the best fencing [chuckling] in the world. I must have sent him 100 pictures of the perimeter of Camp Pendleton.

Sunday, November 29, 2020

Quote from Jay in Travels with Scout

Gloria: What were you thinking? Who takes a little boy to a horror movie? That's loco, Jay.
Jay: This is no big deal. You want scary? When I was his age, I lived through the Cuban Missile Crisis. I slept with a butter knife under my pillow in case I had to fight some Soviet colonel.
Gloria: Why would they send a Soviet colonel to get a little boy?
Jay: Because I could identify every commie plane.

Saturday, November 28, 2020

Quote from Gloria in Weathering Heights

Jay: You're probably right to nip that speech problem in the bud. Mitchell had a lisp we let slide. Now we got a lifetime of "What if?"
Gloria: That is so offensive. A lisp doesn't make you gay. Being gay makes you lisp.

Friday, November 27, 2020

Quote from Shorty in Sex, Lies & Kickball

Gloria: Shorty, you're kidding.
Shorty: I never joke when it comes to fruit. That miracle in your hand is a half plum, half apricot. There was a time they could only accomplish that in juice.

Thursday, November 26, 2020

Quote from Claire in Tableau Vivant

Claire: [aside to camera] Every new generation thinks they have cracked the code on child rearing. What's the latest theory? "Never say no." I say "no" every day in this house.
Phil: But at night, she's a "yes" machine.
Claire: No.

Wednesday, November 25, 2020

Quote from Phil in Spread Your Wings

Phil: [aside to camera] Big day. I'm going to see Alex. I'm, uh I'm a little nervous because she's been pulling away lately. Calls don't get returned. I don't get asked to visit as much. Maybe it's hitting me hard 'cause I never went through that with my dad. After my junior year, we we rode a tandem bike across Mykonos. Come to think of it, there were lots of fathers and sons there.

Upcoming Quotes

Wednesday, December 2, 2020

A quote from Jay in the episode Fears.

Thursday, December 3, 2020

A quote from Gloria in the episode Party Crasher.

Friday, December 4, 2020

A quote from Luke in the episode The Storm.

Saturday, December 5, 2020

A quote from Gloria in the episode He Said, She Shed.

Sunday, December 6, 2020

A quote from Claire in the episode Double Click.