TV Quotes

Gloria: Okay, I want a new cheerleader for Manny. Give me this yearbook and I'm gonna pick one for him.
Cameron: No. Even if I did think that was a good idea, I'm not gonna abuse my position of power in the school.
Gloria: You share an office with a tetherball.

Mitchell: I-I think we have to fire Pepper.
Ronaldo: That would kill him. He's on the brink as it is.
Mitchell: Why?
Ronaldo: Since the proposition ocho was overturned, he's done 50 gay weddings. The man is exhausted, searching for new ideas.
Mitchell: You said "ocho" and then you said "50."
Ronaldo: You see? Gays are so nit-picky. In a straight wedding, you just have to please the bride, but the gays have such strong opinions! It takes a toll on a great artist like Pepper Saltzman.

Haley: I'm not marrying you!
Dylan: Okay. Okay, one step at a time. We'll put you on vitamins and a healthy diet. You'll be eating for one now.

Dr. Klausner: Luke, I'm gonna talk to your mom and dad for a minute, okay?
Luke: Okay. She's, like, the best doctor ever. A couple of puzzles, no shots. I didn't even have to take my pants off. Found that one out a little late.
Phil: I've been there, buddy.

Mitchell: I-I think we have to fire Pepper.
Ronaldo: That would kill him. He's on the brink as it is.
Mitchell: Why?
Ronaldo: Since the proposition ocho was overturned, he's done 50 gay weddings. The man is exhausted, searching for new ideas.
Mitchell: You said "ocho" and then you said "50."
Ronaldo: You see? Gays are so nit-picky. In a straight wedding, you just have to please the bride, but the gays have such strong opinions! It takes a toll on a great artist like Pepper Saltzman.

TSA Agent: Excuse me, ma'am. Is this Manny Delgado?
Gloria: Yes.
TSA Agent: Your son's name is on a no-fly list.
Gloria: Ay, please, we've been through this at the check-in. He's not the same Manny Delgado.
Manny: I'm just a boy trying to bring style back to travel.

Phil: [aside to camera] In nature, fathers are known to eat their young. Is it because they're delicious? No. It's because they want to give their female- bear, giraffe, what have you- the honeymoon they never had. Just to be clear, I'm not condoning eating your kids, but I sure as heck know why giraffes do it.
Claire: What?