TV Quotes

Raj: I don't like bugs, okay. They freak me out.
Sheldon: Interesting. You're afraid of insects and women. Ladybugs must render you catatonic.

Rose: I don't drink before bedtime. I stop all liquids at noon and I still wake up.
Sophia: I never have that problem. Never. I sleep like a log. I never get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom. I go in the morning. Every morning like clockwork, at 7 am I pee. Unfortunately, I don't wake up till 8.

Captain Holt: Nothing's okay. Wuntch, circling me like a shark frenzied by chum. The task force turning into a career-threatening quagmire. An Internal Affairs investigation casting doubt upon my integrity. And you ask, is everything okay? I am buffeted by the winds of my foe's enmity and cast about by the towering waves of cruel fate. Yet I, a Captain, am no longer able to command my vessel, my precinct, from my customary helm, my office. And you ask, is everything okay? I've worked the better part of my years on earth overcoming every prejudice and fighting for the position I hold, and now I feel it being ripped from my grasp, and with it the very essence of what defines me as a man. And you ask, is everything okay?

Amy: I can't wait to see the inside of Raymond's house. I'm gonna learn everything there is to know about him.
Charles: I bet it's really fancy. Like Beauty and the Beast fancy.
Jake: No, it's probably just an empty, white cube with a USB port in it for him to plug his finger in when he's on sleep mode.

Michael Scott: I suppose summer had to end sometime. It's sad, though, because I had a great summer. I got West Nile virus, lost a ton of weight. Then I went back to the lake. I stepped on a piece of glass in the parking lot, which hurt. That got infected even though I peed on it. Saw Inception. Or at least I dreamt I did.

Rachel: The nights are the hardest. But then the day comes and that's every bit as hard as the night. And then the night comes again...
Monica: The days and nights are hard, I get it. Look, Rachel, I'm sorry. I have to start getting ready. I'm getting married today.
Rachel: I know. At dusk. That's such a hard time for me.

DeAngelo: I would like to start by just saying that I have not worked with Mr. Andy Bernard here for very long. But I can say that he is no Michael Scott. I can't sit here and tell you that he's gonna be a success. Uh, I can't sit here and tell you that he's even the best man for the job. But I can say this. He's got potential. Sure. You know, I always say, "go big or go home." You go with this guy, you could be making the biggest mistake of your life. Or the biggest good decision of your life. It's either gonna be the best thing you ever did, or the worst thing you ever did. If you want some boring, white bread clock-watcher, who's gonna get you your paper when you ordered it for the agreed-upon price, Andy's not your guy. You ever play Russian roulette? Time to spin the chamber, Boris. By signing up for another year.

Alexis: David, I just- I miss my life! And I miss doing things. And I miss being surrounded by loose acquaintances who think that I'm funny, and smart, and charming. Will you? Just a few people. Please. You can't tell me that you don't wanna hang out with people other than me.
David: Obviously.

Klair: So like, she's telling me that she's going to Mexico, and I'm like, if you're not going to Tulum, then like where the hell are you even going? You know what I'm saying?
Alexis: So where is she going?
Klair: Ugh, god. Cabo.
Alexis: Oh my god, poor thing.

Monica: So your first whole weekend without Ben, what are you guys going to doing?
Carol: We're going down to colonial Williamsburg.
Susan: Yeah, a woman I went to college just became the first female blacksmith down there.
Ross: Well, you know, they're a little behind the times in colonial Williamsburg.