- Friends 1994-2004
- The Office 2005-2013
- Schitt's Creek 2015-2020
- The Golden Girls 1985-1992
- Modern Family 2009-2020
- Seinfeld 1989-1998
- New Girl 2011-2018
- Frasier 1993-2004
- Parks and Recreation 2009-2015
- How I Met Your Mother 2005-2014
- Everybody Loves Raymond 1996-2005
- Scrubs 2001-2010
- Derry Girls 2018-
- The Goldbergs 2013-
- The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air 1990-1996
- Cheers 1982-1993
- Monk 2001-2009
- Everybody Hates Chris 2005-2009
- Home Improvement 1991-1999
- Boy Meets World 1993-2000
- The Big Bang Theory 2007-2019
- Brooklyn Nine-Nine 2013-
- Young Sheldon 2017-
- The Good Place 2016-2020 Just Added
- 23 shows
- 334 characters
- 3,877 episodes
- 125,484 quotes
Rose: I don't drink before bedtime. I stop all liquids at noon and I still wake up.
Sophia: I never have that problem. Never. I sleep like a log. I never get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom. I go in the morning. Every morning like clockwork, at 7 am I pee. Unfortunately, I don't wake up till 8.
Michael Scott: I suppose summer had to end sometime. It's sad, though, because I had a great summer. I got West Nile virus, lost a ton of weight. Then I went back to the lake. I stepped on a piece of glass in the parking lot, which hurt. That got infected even though I peed on it. Saw Inception. Or at least I dreamt I did.
Captain Holt: Nothing's okay. Wuntch, circling me like a shark frenzied by chum. The task force turning into a career-threatening quagmire. An Internal Affairs investigation casting doubt upon my integrity. And you ask, is everything okay? I am buffeted by the winds of my foe's enmity and cast about by the towering waves of cruel fate. Yet I, a Captain, am no longer able to command my vessel, my precinct, from my customary helm, my office. And you ask, is everything okay? I've worked the better part of my years on earth overcoming every prejudice and fighting for the position I hold, and now I feel it being ripped from my grasp, and with it the very essence of what defines me as a man. And you ask, is everything okay?
Raj: I don't like bugs, okay. They freak me out.
Sheldon: Interesting. You're afraid of insects and women. Ladybugs must render you catatonic.
Phoebe: I brought you some housewarming gifts. Salt, so your life always has flavor. Bread, so you never go hungry. And a scented candle for the bathroom. Because, well, you know.
David: So, let me ask you a question right off the bat, what do you think are your greatest strengths as a manager?
Michael Scott: Why don't I tell you what my greatest weaknesses are? I work too hard, I care too much, and sometimes I can be too invested in my job.
David: Okay. And your strengths?
Michael Scott: Well, my weaknesses are actually strengths.
David: Oh. Yes. Very good.
Michael Scott: There you go.
Barney: It is super-weird between us, and I don't want it to be.
Robin: Me, neither.
Barney: So let me just say this. I'm done. You don't have to worry anymore.
Robin: What do you mean?
Barney: I'm done trying to get you. I can't do it anymore. I'm sorry it's taken me this long to figure it out, but I promise... I'm done making a fool of myself.
Robin: Barney, you haven't been making a fool out of yourself.
Barney: It's okay. It's okay. I want it to be okay. So here's what's gonna happen. I'm gonna get us two drinks, come back and comment on the likely size and color of the nipples on that redhead at the bar, with the big, dark nipples. And you're gonna be grossed out, but you're gonna laugh a little anyway, and then you'll tell a funny story about "that bitch Patrice" at work, but neither one of us are gonna say, "Hey, how's it going?" or "Good to see you!" Because it really will be good to see you. Think we can swing that?
Robin: Yeah, I do.
Robin: [smiles] Huh.
Michael Scott: Pam, I have a mission to accomplish. Make sure this party gets rolling and I will be back shortly.
Andy: Where are you going? Want me to come with? Listen, I forgot to tell you the plan for this Saturday. You, me, bar, beers, buzzed. Wings, shots, drunk. Waitresses, hot. Football, Cornell, Hofstra. Slaughter. Then, quick nap at my place and we hit the tizzown.
Michael Scott: No. I don't wanna do any of that.
Andy: Duh. Which is why I was joking about doing it.
Michael Scott: No, just stop. Stop. Just stop doing it. You're going to drive me crazy.
Andy: Fine, I'll just go sit at my desk and be quiet. Sorry I annoyed you with my friendship. [ringtone starts again] Excuse me. And I'm also sorry that a lot of people here for some reason think it's funny to steal someone's personal property and hide it from them. Here's a little news flash. It's not funny! In fact, it's pretty freaking un-funny! God! [punches his fist into the wall] That was an overreaction. Gonna hit the break room. Does anybody want anything? Pam, you good?
Andy: Sure? Okay.
Dwight K. Schrute: Acceptable names include and are limited to: Ebenezer.
Dwight K. Schrute: Jonas.
Dwight K. Schrute: Warf.
Angela: No Star Trek names.
Dwight K. Schrute: Okay. Fine.
Angela: What if it's a girl?
Dwight K. Schrute: Irrelevant question. Section 5A, child shall be male.
Angela: Hey. Uh-uh. I cannot control that. You can't put that in here.
Dwight K. Schrute: Yes you can.
Dwight K. Schrute: It's as simple as keeping the womb extremely warm for two days after sex, and then extremely cold for five months.
Angela: Absolutely not.
We have added quotes from the NBC comedy The Good Place which ran from 2016 to 2020. The show follows Eleanor Shellstrop, a woman whose life on Earth was not marked by magnanimity, who nevertheless arrives in a heavenly utopia following her untimely death. The series stars Kristen Bell, William Jackson Harper, Jameela Jamil, D'Arcy Carden, Manny Jacinto and Ted Danson. Catch up with your favorite quotes from Eleanor, Chidi, Tahani, Janet, Jason and Michael.Check out quotes from The Good Place
We have added over 6,800 quotes from the '90s sitcom Home Improvement, which starred Tim Allen, Patricia Richardson, Earl Hindman, Zachary Ty Bryan, Jonathan Taylor Thomas, Taran Noah Smith, Richard Karn and Debbe Dunning. Catch up with your favorite quotes from Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor, Jill, Wilson, Brad, Randy, Mark, Al and Heidi.Find your favorite quotes from Home Improvement
We have added over 3,000 quotes from Everybody Hates Chris, the 2005-2009 sitcom based on Chris Rock's teenage years in Brooklyn in the 1980s. The show starred Tyler James Williams, Terry Crews, Tichina Arnold, Tequan Richmond, Imani Hakim and Vincent Martella, and was narrated by Chris Rock. Catch up with your favorite quotes from Chris, Julius, Rochelle, Drew, Tonya and Greg.Check out quotes from Everybody Hates Chris
We have added over 8,800 quotes from the classic '80s sitcom, Cheers, which focuses on a Boston bar of the same name. The series, which ran for eleven season on NBC, starred Ted Danson, Shelley Long, Kirstie Alley, Rhea Perlman, John Ratzenberger, George Wendt, Kelsey Grammer, Woody Harrelson, Nicholas Colasanto and Bebe Neuwirth. Check out the best quotes from Sam, Diane, Rebecca, Carla, Cliff, Norm, Frasier, Woody, Coach and Lilith.Find your favorite quotes from Cheers
We have added over 4,000 quotes from The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, which ran from 1990 to 1996 on NBC and first made Will Smith a household name. Look back at your favorite quotes from Will, Uncle Phil, Aunt Viv, Hilary, Carlton, Ashley and Geoffrey.Check out quotes from The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air