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Popular Quotes

Quote from Sophia Petrillo in The Golden Girls episode The Engagement

Rose: I don't drink before bedtime. I stop all liquids at noon and I still wake up.
Sophia: I never have that problem. Never. I sleep like a log. I never get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom. I go in the morning. Every morning like clockwork, at 7 am I pee. Unfortunately, I don't wake up till 8.

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Quote from Michael Scott in The Office episode Nepotism

Michael Scott: I suppose summer had to end sometime. It's sad, though, because I had a great summer. I got West Nile virus, lost a ton of weight. Then I went back to the lake. I stepped on a piece of glass in the parking lot, which hurt. That got infected even though I peed on it. Saw Inception. Or at least I dreamt I did.

Quote from Phoebe Buffay in Friends episode The One with Phoebe's Birthday Dinner

Rachel: Well, now that everybody has ordered, I would like to start the celebration and make a toast to Phoebe. She dropped her sock.
Phoebe: Aw. What?
Rachel: No. No, Emma dropped her sock.
Monica: Mom's here? I wanted to have lunch with her today. She told me she was out of town.
Rachel: Ross, she still has not noticed that the baby's sock is on the ground.
Phoebe: It's a good toast.
Rachel: Look, will you please get her attention?
Ross: Oh. Mommy? Mother. [mouths] Sock.
Phoebe: Oh, for God's sake. Judy, pick up the sock! Pick up the sock! Pick up the sock!

Quote from Joey Tribbiani in Friends episode The One After Vegas

Joey: Where is the waitress? I'm starving.
Chandler: It's a buffet, man.
Joey: Oh, here's where I win all my money back!

Quote from Christopher Turk in Scrubs episode My Advice to You

J.D.: [v.o.] It's always nice when someone from Carla's family comes to town. Mostly because she cleans our apartment.
Carla: Why is there a pancake in the silverware drawer?
Turk: You mean, why is there silverware in the pancake drawer? Wuh-huh!

Trending Quotes

Quote from Michael Scott in The Office episode The Job

David: So, let me ask you a question right off the bat, what do you think are your greatest strengths as a manager?
Michael Scott: Why don't I tell you what my greatest weaknesses are? I work too hard, I care too much, and sometimes I can be too invested in my job.
David: Okay. And your strengths?
Michael Scott: Well, my weaknesses are actually strengths.
David: Oh. Yes. Very good.
Michael Scott: There you go.

Quote from Barney Stinson in How I Met Your Mother episode Twelve Horny Women

Barney: It is super-weird between us, and I don't want it to be.
Robin: Me, neither.
Barney: So let me just say this. I'm done. You don't have to worry anymore.
Robin: What do you mean?
Barney: I'm done trying to get you. I can't do it anymore. I'm sorry it's taken me this long to figure it out, but I promise... I'm done making a fool of myself.
Robin: Barney, you haven't been making a fool out of yourself.
Barney: It's okay. It's okay. I want it to be okay. So here's what's gonna happen. I'm gonna get us two drinks, come back and comment on the likely size and color of the nipples on that redhead at the bar, with the big, dark nipples. And you're gonna be grossed out, but you're gonna laugh a little anyway, and then you'll tell a funny story about "that bitch Patrice" at work, but neither one of us are gonna say, "Hey, how's it going?" or "Good to see you!" Because it really will be good to see you. Think we can swing that?
Robin: Yeah, I do.
Barney: Badass.
Robin: [smiles] Huh.

Quote from Mr. Feeny in Boy Meets World episode Danger Boy

Mr. Feeny: If you let people's perception of you dictate your behavior, you will never grow as a person. But if you leave yourself open to experience, despite what others think, then you will learn and grow. And when you grow and mature, then you can rub their smug little earring-wearing noses in it.

Quote from Claire Dunphy in Modern Family episode Hawaii

Claire: You know, honey, if anything were ever to happen to me, I would want you to get remarried.
Phil: Okay.
Claire: Mmm. That was a little fast.
Phil: Oh, no. I just want to make you happy.
Claire: Okay. Any idea of who you would remarry?
Phil: Vicky Conroy probably. She works in my office. She's very organized. The kids love her.
Alex: Are you guys talking about Vicky?
Phil: Yeah.
Alex: Mom, she's awesome.
Phil: Just so you know, if something were to happen to me, I-
Claire: Something's gonna happen to you, all right.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute in The Office episode The Delivery

Dwight K. Schrute: Acceptable names include and are limited to: Ebenezer.
Angela: Jedediah.
Dwight K. Schrute: Jonas.
Angela: Jedediah.
Dwight K. Schrute: Warf.
Angela: No Star Trek names.
Dwight K. Schrute: Okay. Fine.
Angela: What if it's a girl?
Dwight K. Schrute: Irrelevant question. Section 5A, child shall be male.
Angela: Hey. Uh-uh. I cannot control that. You can't put that in here.
Dwight K. Schrute: Yes you can.
Angela: No.
Dwight K. Schrute: It's as simple as keeping the womb extremely warm for two days after sex, and then extremely cold for five months.
Angela: Absolutely not.

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The Middle Quotes

The Middle Quotes

We have added over 7,000 quotes from The Middle, the ABC sitcom which aired from 2009 to 2018. The show follows Frankie, a middle-aged mother in a middle-class family living in the middle of America. The series starred Patricia Heaton, Neil Flynn, Charlie McDermott, Eden Sher and Atticus Shaffer. Catch up with your favorite quotes from the Hecks: Frankie, Mike, Axl, Sue and Brick.

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The Good Place Quotes

The Good Place Quotes

We have added quotes from the NBC comedy The Good Place which ran from 2016 to 2020. The show follows Eleanor Shellstrop, a woman whose life on Earth was not marked by magnanimity, who nevertheless arrives in a heavenly utopia following her untimely death. The series stars Kristen Bell, William Jackson Harper, Jameela Jamil, D'Arcy Carden, Manny Jacinto and Ted Danson. Catch up with your favorite quotes from Eleanor, Chidi, Tahani, Janet, Jason and Michael.

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Home Improvement Quotes

Home Improvement Quotes

We have added over 6,800 quotes from the '90s sitcom Home Improvement, which starred Tim Allen, Patricia Richardson, Earl Hindman, Zachary Ty Bryan, Jonathan Taylor Thomas, Taran Noah Smith, Richard Karn and Debbe Dunning. Catch up with your favorite quotes from Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor, Jill, Wilson, Brad, Randy, Mark, Al and Heidi.

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Everybody Hates Chris Quotes

Everybody Hates Chris Quotes

We have added over 3,000 quotes from Everybody Hates Chris, the 2005-2009 sitcom based on Chris Rock's teenage years in Brooklyn in the 1980s. The show starred Tyler James Williams, Terry Crews, Tichina Arnold, Tequan Richmond, Imani Hakim and Vincent Martella, and was narrated by Chris Rock. Catch up with your favorite quotes from Chris, Julius, Rochelle, Drew, Tonya and Greg.

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Cheers Quotes

Cheers Quotes

We have added over 8,800 quotes from the classic '80s sitcom, Cheers, which focuses on a Boston bar of the same name. The series, which ran for eleven season on NBC, starred Ted Danson, Shelley Long, Kirstie Alley, Rhea Perlman, John Ratzenberger, George Wendt, Kelsey Grammer, Woody Harrelson, Nicholas Colasanto and Bebe Neuwirth. Check out the best quotes from Sam, Diane, Rebecca, Carla, Cliff, Norm, Frasier, Woody, Coach and Lilith.

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