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Popular Quotes

Quote from Sophia Petrillo in The Golden Girls episode The Engagement

Rose: I don't drink before bedtime. I stop all liquids at noon and I still wake up.
Sophia: I never have that problem. Never. I sleep like a log. I never get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom. I go in the morning. Every morning like clockwork, at 7 am I pee. Unfortunately, I don't wake up till 8.

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Quote from Michael Scott in The Office episode Nepotism

Michael Scott: I suppose summer had to end sometime. It's sad, though, because I had a great summer. I got West Nile virus, lost a ton of weight. Then I went back to the lake. I stepped on a piece of glass in the parking lot, which hurt. That got infected even though I peed on it. Saw Inception. Or at least I dreamt I did.

Quote from Captain Holt in Brooklyn Nine-Nine episode The Mole

Captain Holt: Nothing's okay. Wuntch, circling me like a shark frenzied by chum. The task force turning into a career-threatening quagmire. An Internal Affairs investigation casting doubt upon my integrity. And you ask, is everything okay? I am buffeted by the winds of my foe's enmity and cast about by the towering waves of cruel fate. Yet I, a Captain, am no longer able to command my vessel, my precinct, from my customary helm, my office. And you ask, is everything okay? I've worked the better part of my years on earth overcoming every prejudice and fighting for the position I hold, and now I feel it being ripped from my grasp, and with it the very essence of what defines me as a man. And you ask, is everything okay?

Quote from Sheldon Cooper in The Big Bang Theory episode The Jiminy Conjecture

Raj: I don't like bugs, okay. They freak me out.
Sheldon: Interesting. You're afraid of insects and women. Ladybugs must render you catatonic.

Quote from Joey Tribbiani in Friends episode The One After Vegas

Joey: Where is the waitress? I'm starving.
Chandler: It's a buffet, man.
Joey: Oh, here's where I win all my money back!

Trending Quotes

Quote from Michael Scott in The Office episode The Job

David: So, let me ask you a question right off the bat, what do you think are your greatest strengths as a manager?
Michael Scott: Why don't I tell you what my greatest weaknesses are? I work too hard, I care too much, and sometimes I can be too invested in my job.
David: Okay. And your strengths?
Michael Scott: Well, my weaknesses are actually strengths.
David: Oh. Yes. Very good.
Michael Scott: There you go.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute in The Office episode The Delivery

Dwight K. Schrute: Acceptable names include and are limited to: Ebenezer.
Angela: Jedediah.
Dwight K. Schrute: Jonas.
Angela: Jedediah.
Dwight K. Schrute: Warf.
Angela: No Star Trek names.
Dwight K. Schrute: Okay. Fine.
Angela: What if it's a girl?
Dwight K. Schrute: Irrelevant question. Section 5A, child shall be male.
Angela: Hey. Uh-uh. I cannot control that. You can't put that in here.
Dwight K. Schrute: Yes you can.
Angela: No.
Dwight K. Schrute: It's as simple as keeping the womb extremely warm for two days after sex, and then extremely cold for five months.
Angela: Absolutely not.

Quote from Barney Stinson in How I Met Your Mother episode Twelve Horny Women

Barney: It is super-weird between us, and I don't want it to be.
Robin: Me, neither.
Barney: So let me just say this. I'm done. You don't have to worry anymore.
Robin: What do you mean?
Barney: I'm done trying to get you. I can't do it anymore. I'm sorry it's taken me this long to figure it out, but I promise... I'm done making a fool of myself.
Robin: Barney, you haven't been making a fool out of yourself.
Barney: It's okay. It's okay. I want it to be okay. So here's what's gonna happen. I'm gonna get us two drinks, come back and comment on the likely size and color of the nipples on that redhead at the bar, with the big, dark nipples. And you're gonna be grossed out, but you're gonna laugh a little anyway, and then you'll tell a funny story about "that bitch Patrice" at work, but neither one of us are gonna say, "Hey, how's it going?" or "Good to see you!" Because it really will be good to see you. Think we can swing that?
Robin: Yeah, I do.
Barney: Badass.
Robin: [smiles] Huh.

Quote from Andy Bernard in The Office episode Traveling Salesmen / The Return

Michael Scott: Pam, I have a mission to accomplish. Make sure this party gets rolling and I will be back shortly.
Andy: Where are you going? Want me to come with? Listen, I forgot to tell you the plan for this Saturday. You, me, bar, beers, buzzed. Wings, shots, drunk. Waitresses, hot. Football, Cornell, Hofstra. Slaughter. Then, quick nap at my place and we hit the tizzown.
Michael Scott: No. I don't wanna do any of that.
Andy: Duh. Which is why I was joking about doing it.
Michael Scott: No, just stop. Stop. Just stop doing it. You're going to drive me crazy.
Andy: Fine, I'll just go sit at my desk and be quiet. Sorry I annoyed you with my friendship. [ringtone starts again] Excuse me. And I'm also sorry that a lot of people here for some reason think it's funny to steal someone's personal property and hide it from them. Here's a little news flash. It's not funny! In fact, it's pretty freaking un-funny! God! [punches his fist into the wall] That was an overreaction. Gonna hit the break room. Does anybody want anything? Pam, you good?
Pam: Yeah.
Andy: Sure? Okay.

Quote from Moira Rose in Schitt's Creek episode The Job Interview

Moira: Alexis! Your father and I are going to meet for a celebratory lunch when he's done at the bank, and... I was supposed to invite you to join us.
Alexis: Yeah, I'm a little busy.
Moira: What in God's name do you have there? Please tell me it's not a Testudine.
Alexis: No, it's a turtle.
Moira: Alexis! Turtles do not pets make. The poor things are riddled with a myriad of diseases. You may as well tie a leash around a raw chicken cutlet.

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The Good Place Quotes

The Good Place Quotes

We have added quotes from the NBC comedy The Good Place which ran from 2016 to 2020. The show follows Eleanor Shellstrop, a woman whose life on Earth was not marked by magnanimity, who nevertheless arrives in a heavenly utopia following her untimely death. The series stars Kristen Bell, William Jackson Harper, Jameela Jamil, D'Arcy Carden, Manny Jacinto and Ted Danson. Catch up with your favorite quotes from Eleanor, Chidi, Tahani, Janet, Jason and Michael.

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Home Improvement Quotes

Home Improvement Quotes

We have added over 6,800 quotes from the '90s sitcom Home Improvement, which starred Tim Allen, Patricia Richardson, Earl Hindman, Zachary Ty Bryan, Jonathan Taylor Thomas, Taran Noah Smith, Richard Karn and Debbe Dunning. Catch up with your favorite quotes from Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor, Jill, Wilson, Brad, Randy, Mark, Al and Heidi.

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Everybody Hates Chris Quotes

Everybody Hates Chris Quotes

We have added over 3,000 quotes from Everybody Hates Chris, the 2005-2009 sitcom based on Chris Rock's teenage years in Brooklyn in the 1980s. The show starred Tyler James Williams, Terry Crews, Tichina Arnold, Tequan Richmond, Imani Hakim and Vincent Martella, and was narrated by Chris Rock. Catch up with your favorite quotes from Chris, Julius, Rochelle, Drew, Tonya and Greg.

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Cheers Quotes

Cheers Quotes

We have added over 8,800 quotes from the classic '80s sitcom, Cheers, which focuses on a Boston bar of the same name. The series, which ran for eleven season on NBC, starred Ted Danson, Shelley Long, Kirstie Alley, Rhea Perlman, John Ratzenberger, George Wendt, Kelsey Grammer, Woody Harrelson, Nicholas Colasanto and Bebe Neuwirth. Check out the best quotes from Sam, Diane, Rebecca, Carla, Cliff, Norm, Frasier, Woody, Coach and Lilith.

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The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air Quotes

The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air Quotes

We have added over 4,000 quotes from The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, which ran from 1990 to 1996 on NBC and first made Will Smith a household name. Look back at your favorite quotes from Will, Uncle Phil, Aunt Viv, Hilary, Carlton, Ashley and Geoffrey.

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