- The Office 2005-2013
- Friends 1994-2004
- Seinfeld 1989-1998
- New Girl 2011-2018
- The Golden Girls 1985-1992
- Schitt's Creek 2015-2020
- Modern Family 2009-2020
- How I Met Your Mother 2005-2014
- Derry Girls 2018-2021
- Parks and Recreation 2009-2015
- Frasier 1993-2004
- Everybody Loves Raymond 1996-2005
- Gilmore Girls 2000-2007
- Cheers 1982-1993
- The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air 1990-1996
- Malcolm in the Middle 2000-2006
- That '70s Show 1998-2006
- Everybody Hates Chris 2005-2009
- The Good Place 2016-2020
- Home Improvement 1991-1999
- Scrubs 2001-2010
- Monk 2001-2009
- The Middle 2009-2018
- Arrested Development 2003-2006, 2013-2019
- 3rd Rock from the Sun 1996-2001
- The Goldbergs 2013-
- Boy Meets World 1993-2000
- Superstore 2015-2021
- Abbott Elementary 2021-
- The Wonder Years 2021-
- 30 shows
- 452 characters
- 4,580 episodes
- 157,196 quotes
Rachel: Well, now that everybody has ordered, I would like to start the celebration and make a toast to Phoebe. She dropped her sock.
Phoebe: Aw. What?
Rachel: No. No, Emma dropped her sock.
Monica: Mom's here? I wanted to have lunch with her today. She told me she was out of town.
Rachel: Ross, she still has not noticed that the baby's sock is on the ground.
Phoebe: It's a good toast.
Rachel: Look, will you please get her attention?
Ross: Oh. Mommy? Mother. [mouths] Sock.
Phoebe: Oh, for God's sake. Judy, pick up the sock! Pick up the sock! Pick up the sock!
Joey: Where is the waitress? I'm starving.
Chandler: It's a buffet, man.
Joey: Oh, here's where I win all my money back!
J.D.: [v.o.] It's always nice when someone from Carla's family comes to town. Mostly because she cleans our apartment.
Carla: Why is there a pancake in the silverware drawer?
Turk: You mean, why is there silverware in the pancake drawer? Wuh-huh!
Gloria: [aside to camera] I always wanted a daughter. To dress her up with pretty dresses, do her hair, her nails, her makeup. [chuckles] No one knows this, but for the first year of his life, I made up Manny like a girl and told everybody that he was my daughter. [laughs] Ay, but just for a few times. I didn't want to mess with his head. When he found the pictures, I told him that it was his twin sister who died.
Janitor: The door is broke. Probably the fifth time or so it don't open.
J.D.: Maybe a penny's stuck in there.
Janitor: Why a penny?
J.D.: I don't know.
Janitor: Did you stick a penny in there?
J.D.: No, I was making small talk.
Janitor: If I find a penny in there, I'm taking you down.
Barney: It is super-weird between us, and I don't want it to be.
Robin: Me, neither.
Barney: So let me just say this. I'm done. You don't have to worry anymore.
Robin: What do you mean?
Barney: I'm done trying to get you. I can't do it anymore. I'm sorry it's taken me this long to figure it out, but I promise... I'm done making a fool of myself.
Robin: Barney, you haven't been making a fool out of yourself.
Barney: It's okay. It's okay. I want it to be okay. So here's what's gonna happen. I'm gonna get us two drinks, come back and comment on the likely size and color of the nipples on that redhead at the bar, with the big, dark nipples. And you're gonna be grossed out, but you're gonna laugh a little anyway, and then you'll tell a funny story about "that bitch Patrice" at work, but neither one of us are gonna say, "Hey, how's it going?" or "Good to see you!" Because it really will be good to see you. Think we can swing that?
Robin: Yeah, I do.
Robin: [smiles] Huh.
Schmidt: You know what they call you where I'm from? A dirty old bitch. Dirty old "biatch." "Biatch," just in general. 'Cause I ain't from Manhattan, sir. I'm from Long Island. 5-1-6, up in your lounge, sucka.
Robert: You better calm down, or you're gonna be kicked out of the...
Schmidt: Good, I don't want to be in this lounge. I don't want to be in any club that you're a part of.
Cece: Okay, am I missing something?
Schmidt: I don't want to be in any lounge or club that you're a part of, sir. You dirty old bitch, for good measure. 'Cause I'm from Long Island, I'll take the railroad... LIRR.
Robert: You're embarrassing yourself.
Schmidt: New York, Long Island. Billy Joel. Cece, let's roll.
Schmidt: [grabs champagne glass] Nassau County. Billy Joel, one more time. "Piano Man." "Goodnight Saigon." That's a sad one. Cry about that, you dirty old bitch.
Rachel: Look at it. Isn't it beautiful?
Ross: Yeah. What is it?
Rachel: It's a trifle. It's got all these layers. First there's a layer of ladyfingers, then a layer of jam, then custard, which I made from scratch, then raspberries, more ladyfingers, then beef sauteed with peas and onions, then a little bit more custard, then bananas and then I just put whipped cream on top.
Ross: What was the one right before bananas?
Rachel: The beef. Yeah, that was weird to me too. But then, you know, I thought, "Well, there's minced meat pie." I mean, that's an English dessert. These people just put very strange things in their food, you know.
Frasier: Please, would you two spare me the single entendre this morning? I'm trying to avoid getting sick.
Sherry: Well there's nothing like one of mama's big biscuits if you're fighting something off.
Frasier: Yes, I'm sure with good aim it could bring down an elk.
Jess: Welcome to our home.
Paul: Thank you. Hey.
Jess: [sings] It ain't so quirky to eat a lot of turkey On this Thanksgiving Day-ay-ay.
Paul: My belly's wanting something A pie made out of pumpkin In every gobble-gobble way-ay-ay. [both snicker; talks] I didn't know you were going back to back. Happy Thanksgiving.
Nick: Oh, my God, there's two of them.
- Trending Characters
- Frank Barone Everybody Loves Raymond
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We have added quotes from the first season of ABC's The Wonder Years, inspired by the classic '80s series of the same name. The Wonder Years looks back at the life of a Black middle-class family in Montgomery, Alabama in the late '60s, as seen through the eyes of twelve-year-old Dean Williams. The show is narrated by Dean's adult self, voiced by Don Cheadle.The series stars Elisha "EJ" Williams, Dulé Hill, Saycon Sengbloh, Laura Kariuki, Julian Lerner, Amari O'Neil and Milan Ray.
Catch up with your favorite quotes from the Williams family: Dean, Bill, Lillian and Kim, along with Dean's friends Brad, Cory and Keisa.
We have just added quotes from the first season of Abbott Elementary, the hit new ABC sitcom which follows the over-worked, under-resourced staff of a predominantly Black public school in Philadelphia. Created by and starring Quinta Brunson, Abbott Elementary's ensemble cast includes Tyler James Williams, Janelle James, Lisa Ann Walter, Chris Perfetti, Sheryl Lee Ralph and William Stanford Davis.
Catch up with your favorite quotes from the Willard R. Abbott Elementary staff: Janine, Gregory, Ava, Melissa, Jacob, Barbara and Mr. Johnson.
We have added quotes from the eighth season of the ABC sitcom The Goldbergs. Catch up with your favorite quotes from Adam, Beverly, Barry, Erica, Murray and Pops.
We have added over 4,600 quotes from the NBC sitcom Superstore, which ran from 2015 to 2021. The show followed the employees of a big-box chain store, Cloud 9, in St. Louis, Missouri. Catch up with your favorite quotes from Amy, Jonah, Dina, Mateo, Garrett, Cheyenne, Glenn and Sandra.
We have added quotes from the third and final season of Derry Girls. The show follows a group of friends during their teen years in Derry in the '90s, towards the end of the Troubles. Catch up with your favorite quotes from Erin, Orla, Clare, Michelle and James, along with Sister Michael, Ma Mary, Da Gerry, Aunt Sarah and Granda Joe.