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Popular Quotes

Quote from Christopher Turk in Scrubs episode My Advice to You

J.D.: [v.o.] It's always nice when someone from Carla's family comes to town. Mostly because she cleans our apartment.
Carla: Why is there a pancake in the silverware drawer?
Turk: You mean, why is there silverware in the pancake drawer? Wuh-huh!

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Quote from Joey Tribbiani in Friends episode The One After Vegas

Joey: Where is the waitress? I'm starving.
Chandler: It's a buffet, man.
Joey: Oh, here's where I win all my money back!

Quote from Phoebe Buffay in Friends episode The One with Phoebe's Birthday Dinner

Rachel: Well, now that everybody has ordered, I would like to start the celebration and make a toast to Phoebe. She dropped her sock.
Phoebe: Aw. What?
Rachel: No. No, Emma dropped her sock.
Monica: Mom's here? I wanted to have lunch with her today. She told me she was out of town.
Rachel: Ross, she still has not noticed that the baby's sock is on the ground.
Phoebe: It's a good toast.
Rachel: Look, will you please get her attention?
Ross: Oh. Mommy? Mother. [mouths] Sock.
Phoebe: Oh, for God's sake. Judy, pick up the sock! Pick up the sock! Pick up the sock!

Quote from Janitor in Scrubs episode My First Day

Janitor: The door is broke. Probably the fifth time or so it don't open.
J.D.: Maybe a penny's stuck in there.
Janitor: Why a penny?
J.D.: I don't know.
Janitor: Did you stick a penny in there?
J.D.: No, I was making small talk.
Janitor: If I find a penny in there, I'm taking you down.

Quote from Blanche Devereaux in The Golden Girls episode Hey, Look Me Over

Rose: Wait a minute. If you didn't sleep with any of the men in these journals, then how come it says "Bed" on the cover?
Blanche: [laughs] Oh, that doesn't say "Bed".
Rose: Right there, it does.
Blanche: Oh, silly, those are my initials. Blanche Elizabeth Devereaux.
Dorothy: Your initials spell "Bed"?

Trending Quotes

Quote from Barney Stinson in How I Met Your Mother episode Twelve Horny Women

Barney: It is super-weird between us, and I don't want it to be.
Robin: Me, neither.
Barney: So let me just say this. I'm done. You don't have to worry anymore.
Robin: What do you mean?
Barney: I'm done trying to get you. I can't do it anymore. I'm sorry it's taken me this long to figure it out, but I promise... I'm done making a fool of myself.
Robin: Barney, you haven't been making a fool out of yourself.
Barney: It's okay. It's okay. I want it to be okay. So here's what's gonna happen. I'm gonna get us two drinks, come back and comment on the likely size and color of the nipples on that redhead at the bar, with the big, dark nipples. And you're gonna be grossed out, but you're gonna laugh a little anyway, and then you'll tell a funny story about "that bitch Patrice" at work, but neither one of us are gonna say, "Hey, how's it going?" or "Good to see you!" Because it really will be good to see you. Think we can swing that?
Robin: Yeah, I do.
Barney: Badass.
Robin: [smiles] Huh.

Quote from Michael Scott in The Office episode Goodbye, Toby

Michael Scott: All right. Let's hear it for Darryl and his band. You know what? Let's also give a shout out to Phyllis for this awesome party, huh? Probably the best one that we have ever had, right? But the real reason that we are here is to say good-bye to a guy who we will probably never ever see again. Now, a lot of you know that I am an accomplished songwriter.
Pam: Song parody writer.
Michael Scott: I have done things like "Beers in Heaven".
Jim: Classic.
Michael Scott: Or "Total Eclipse of The Fart."
Jim: Not my favorite, but-
Pam: I like that one.
Michael Scott: I love to sing them, but I am not going to be doing that today. I am going to be doing something I wrote specifically for Toby. Do you know, um, Goodbye Stranger, Supertramp?

Quote from Dewey in Malcolm in the Middle episode Hal's Dentist

Malcolm: Hey, what's all the noise? You know the rule. The only sound allowed in this room is snoring.
Dewey: I've been waiting ten years to see Conrad Horner perform, and I overslept and completely missed it.
Malcolm: So? He'll come back in a few years.
Dewey: He's 98. I got there in time to get a program off the floor and see his ambulance drive away.

Quote from Jay Pritchett in Modern Family episode Spuds

Jay: You know, it's... Thing about babies, you... you fall in love with a baby with the cutest little fat folds, and then... bam... they're gone. But it's okay, because in its place is this... toddler with the greatest laugh on Earth. And then one day, the toddler's gone, and in its place, a little kid that asks the most interesting questions you've ever heard. And this keeps going on like that, but you never get the chance to miss any of them, 'cause there's always a new kid to take the place of the old. Until they grow up. And then... in a moment, all those kids you fell in love with walk out the door at the same time.
Waitress: Jesus.
Jay: Oh, I don't mean to be a bummer. I'm just saying it goes fast. Like the expression... "You never know the last time you pick up your kid."

Quote from Joey Tribbiani in Friends episode The One with the Truth About London

Joey: Anyway, I started on what I'm gonna say for the ceremony. You want to hear it?
Monica: Yeah.
Joey: Listen, this is just the first draft, so... "We are gathered here today on this joyous occasion to celebrate the special love that Monica and Chandler share." Eh? "It is a love based on giving and receiving as well as having and sharing. And the love that they give and have is shared and received. And through this having and giving and sharing and receiving, we too can share and love and have and receive."
Chandler: Should we call the spitter?

Latest Updates

The Goldbergs: Season 10 Quotes

The Goldbergs: Season 10 Quotes

We have added quotes from the final season of ABC's The Goldbergs, which recently ended after a ten-year run. Catch up with your favorite quotes from Adam, Beverly, Barry, Erica and Geoff in the tenth season.

Find your favorite quotes from The Goldbergs

Abbott Elementary: Season 2 Quotes

Abbott Elementary: Season 2 Quotes

We have just added quotes from the second season of Abbott Elementary, the hit ABC sitcom which follows the over-worked and under-resourced staff of a predominantly Black public school in Philadelphia. Created by and starring Quinta Brunson, the show's ensemble cast includes Tyler James Williams, Janelle James, Lisa Ann Walter, Chris Perfetti, Sheryl Lee Ralph and William Stanford Davis.

Catch up with the latest quotes from the Abbott Elementary staff: Janine, Gregory, Ava, Melissa, Jacob, Barbara and Mr. Johnson.

Check out quotes from Abbott Elementary

The Goldbergs: Season 9 Quotes

The Goldbergs: Season 9 Quotes

We have added quotes from the ninth season of The Goldbergs, which recently concluded its ten-season run on ABC. Catch up with your favorite quotes from Adam, Beverly, Barry, Erica and Geoff in the penultimate season.

Check out quotes from The Goldbergs

The Wonder Years Quotes

The Wonder Years Quotes

We have added quotes from the first season of ABC's The Wonder Years, inspired by the classic '80s series of the same name. The Wonder Years looks back at the life of a Black middle-class family in Montgomery, Alabama in the late '60s, as seen through the eyes of twelve-year-old Dean Williams. The show is narrated by Dean's adult self, voiced by Don Cheadle.The series stars Elisha "EJ" Williams, Dulé Hill, Saycon Sengbloh, Laura Kariuki, Julian Lerner, Amari O'Neil and Milan Ray.

Catch up with your favorite quotes from the Williams family: Dean, Bill, Lillian and Kim, along with Dean's friends Brad, Cory and Keisa.

Check out quotes from The Wonder Years

Abbott Elementary Quotes

Abbott Elementary Quotes

We have just added quotes from the first season of Abbott Elementary, the hit new ABC sitcom which follows the over-worked, under-resourced staff of a predominantly Black public school in Philadelphia. Created by and starring Quinta Brunson, Abbott Elementary's ensemble cast includes Tyler James Williams, Janelle James, Lisa Ann Walter, Chris Perfetti, Sheryl Lee Ralph and William Stanford Davis.

Catch up with your favorite quotes from the Willard R. Abbott Elementary staff: Janine, Gregory, Ava, Melissa, Jacob, Barbara and Mr. Johnson.

Find your favorite quotes from Abbott Elementary