Parks and Recreation Quotes

Parks and Recreation

Parks and Recreation

Parks and Recreation centers on Leslie Knope, a mid-level bureaucrat in the parks department of the fictional town of Pawnee, Indiana, who is determined to use her position to improve the lives of the town's residents.

Starring: Amy Poehler, Rashida Jones, Aziz Ansari, Nick Offerman, Aubrey Plaza, Chris Pratt, Adam Scott, Rob Lowe, Jim O'Heir, Retta.
Original Run: 2009-2015.

Quote of the Day

Friday, March 5, 2021

Quote from Jerry in Bailout

Ben: Okay, so you're really gonna say no to Ann?
Chris: I care about Ann very deeply, but... I just don't know if I'm cut out to be a dad.
Jerry: You know, Chris, every parent makes mistakes. I mean, lord knows I've made plenty. But it's the small victories that keep you going. When you see your little one take her first step or... or graduate college, oh, my God, it just makes it all worth it. [chuckles] And another thing is if-- If, like-- If I-- [exhales] You know, and then your kid's-- because you're like--vrrrr-- I don't know. And everyone's like, "Oh." [babbles] Oh, I'm sorry, guys. I--no one ever lets me talk this long. I just got lost.
Chris: It was a beautiful point. And very well said, right up until that moment that you started babbling incoherently.

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Quote from Ron Swanson in Gin It Up!

Ron Swanson: That's your will? You need that many pages to say, "Give my stuff to my wife"?
Ben: It's a complicated legal document.
Ron Swanson: It doesn't have to be. I've had the same will since I was eight years old.
Ben: "Upon my death, all of my belongings shall transfer to the man or animal who has killed me." What are these weird symbols?
Ron Swanson: The man who kills me will know.

Quote from Ron Swanson in Ms. Knope Goes to Washington

Ranger Patrick: Hey, Ron. You're not going to slaughter that pig here, are you?
Ron Swanson: Not to worry. I have a permit.
Ranger Patrick: This just says, "I can do what I want."
Ron Swanson: I am the director of the Parks Department, and this is a park.
Ranger Patrick: It's not a Parks thing. It's against, like, three laws and a dozen health codes.
Ron Swanson: Fine. Barbecue is postponed until I can go pick up some meat from the Food 'n' Stuff. Let's go, Tom. No, pig Tom. [Donna laughs]

Quote from Ron Swanson in Partridge

Ron Swanson: [aside to camera] Tom and April were excellent witnesses in my defense. Unfortunately, every single word out of their mouths was a lie. There's only one thing I hate more than lying. Skim milk. Which is water that's lying about being milk.

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Quote from Ben in One Last Ride (Part 2)

[Washington, D.C. 2025:]
Jennifer Barkley: Need the congressman. This is time-sensitive.
Ben: Hey, Jen, I didn't know you were here.
Jennifer Barkley: I'm everywhere. You want to be governor of Indiana?
Ben: What?
Jennifer Barkley: Colquitt's not gonna run again. It's a rumor for now, but my gut says it's for real. You're the perfect candidate. Local hero, state government experience, blah-blah-blah- blah-blah-blah-blah. I mean, the only potential problem is that devastatingly nerdy "Cones of Dunshire" thing.
Ben: Uh, that's a problem? I'm sorry, but it's the ninth-highest selling multiplayer figurine-based strategy fantasy sequel game in history. Please don't bail on me because of what just happened.

Quote from Ron Swanson in Ron and Tammy

Ron Swanson: [singing] Have Gun Will Travel reads the card of a man A knight without armor in a savage land [talks] Good morning, Jerry. That is a beautiful sweater vest. April. You look like you could use $20. Am I right?
April: Why?
Ron Swanson: 'Cause you're a kid, and kids always need money.
Tom: I need money.
April: Ha! That's why you're my favorite, Tom.
[aside to camera:]
Tom: When Tiger Woods feels invincible, he wears a red shirt and black pants. Ron wears the same thing after he's had sex.

Quote from Tom in Sweet Sixteen

Tom: Hey. Here's a fun game. Let's talk minimum acceptable thread count for sheets.
Ann: Ooh, that does sound fun.
Tom: Stop me when I hit it.
Ann: 1,000... 800... 700... 600?
Tom: Ann, I'm at 600. Are you really not stopping me?
Ann: I have those cotton t-shirt sheets.
Tom: Huh?
[aside to camera:]
Tom: It's always the most beautiful ladies who hurt you the worst.