Parks and Recreation Quotes

Parks and Recreation

Parks and Recreation

Parks and Recreation centers on Leslie Knope, a mid-level bureaucrat in the parks department of the fictional town of Pawnee, Indiana, who is determined to use her position to improve the lives of the town's residents.

Starring: Amy Poehler, Rashida Jones, Aziz Ansari, Nick Offerman, Aubrey Plaza, Chris Pratt, Adam Scott, Rob Lowe, Jim O'Heir, Retta.
Recurring Actors: Paul Schneider, Billy Eichner, Jay Jackson, Mo Collins, Ben Schwartz, Megan Mullally, Jon Glaser.
Original Run: 2009-2015.

Quote of the Day

Quote from Ben in The Wall

Tom: [groans] The only business idea I have that's even remotely fleshed out is a restaurant.
Ben: No way. Restaurants were ranked number one in Accounting Magazine's "Riskiest Businesses" issue. That was their last issue before they folded, actually. Magazines are also very risky.

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Popular Quotes

Quote from Ron Swanson in Gin It Up!

Ron Swanson: That's your will? You need that many pages to say, "Give my stuff to my wife"?
Ben: It's a complicated legal document.
Ron Swanson: It doesn't have to be. I've had the same will since I was eight years old.
Ben: "Upon my death, all of my belongings shall transfer to the man or animal who has killed me." What are these weird symbols?
Ron Swanson: The man who kills me will know.

Quote from Ron Swanson in Ms. Knope Goes to Washington

Ranger Patrick: Hey, Ron. You're not going to slaughter that pig here, are you?
Ron Swanson: Not to worry. I have a permit.
Ranger Patrick: This just says, "I can do what I want."
Ron Swanson: I am the director of the Parks Department, and this is a park.
Ranger Patrick: It's not a Parks thing. It's against, like, three laws and a dozen health codes.
Ron Swanson: Fine. Barbecue is postponed until I can go pick up some meat from the Food 'n' Stuff. Let's go, Tom. No, pig Tom. [Donna laughs]

Quote from Ron Swanson in Partridge

Ron Swanson: [aside to camera] Tom and April were excellent witnesses in my defense. Unfortunately, every single word out of their mouths was a lie. There's only one thing I hate more than lying. Skim milk. Which is water that's lying about being milk.

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Quote from Tom in The Camel

Tom: No. No. It's not as good as the other one.
Arnold: I don't know what you mean by "good."
Tom: Neither do I! Just do another one.
Arnold: You know, I have actual assignments that I have to finish for art school?
Tom: Shut up and do more art for me. [holding an abstract painting] This one's racist. [looking at another] It's beautiful. I've looked at this for five hours now. I like the green one. And the red circle right here. I'm tearing up, man.

Quote from Leslie Knope in Pawnee Commons

Producer: Support for Pawnee Community Radio comes from listeners like you and from the new film The Shadows of Seven Heads, the dramic tale of an Israeli soldier who falls in love with conjoined Palestinian sextuplets. Out soon from Focus Features.
Derry Murbles: Welcome to "Thought For Your Thoughts." I'm your host Derry Murbles, sitting in for Nina Joplin, who is touring the country performing a spoken-word opera about pear-shaped women. My guest today is City Councilwoman Leslie Knope.
Leslie Knope: It is a pleasure to be back, Derry. Your show last week on dolphin lactation was just riveting radio. Derry, my team and I are trying to build a park, and we need input on the design from you, the citizens of Pawnee. So I guess I'm here to send out the Bat-Signal.
Derry Murbles: A Bat-Signal, for listeners who might not know, refers to the children's character "the Bat-Man" a strong gentleman who fights crime nocturnally.
Leslie Knope: That's correct. Well put. This park is going to be a celebration of Pawnee by Pawnee and for Pawnee. So, you know, send in your plan or your resume... And quick. Please. Hurry. This is all gonna fall apart if you don't hurry.
Derry Murbles: Coming up after the break, movie reviews with Ken Tucker who is filling in for David Bianculli who's in New York filling in for Ken Tucker. Leslie, would you like to introduce the next segment?
Leslie Knope: Okay. "Now it's time for 'Jazz Plus Jazz Equals Jazz,' today we have a recording of Benny Goodman played over a separate recording of Miles Davis." [both recordings playing simultaneously]
Derry Murbles: Research shows that our listeners love jazz.

Quote from April in One Last Ride (Part 1)

[Washington, D.C. 2022:]
April: All right, go ahead.
Leslie Knope: What?
April: You're gonna lecture me about how Andy and I should have kids. You're gonna be like, "They're so great. They change your life, and yes, they drive you nuts, but it's all worth it for the beauty and the majesty and the glory of their little faces in the morning. Blah, blah, blah, and barf." You know why it's so unfair? Because you guys got so lucky. You had sex one time, and you had three kids, and they're all, like, smart and great and healthy, and now your lives are perfect. But our life is pretty perfect already. And you know what, kids act the opposite of their parents. That's why your kids are so cool. But Andy and I are cool already, so our kids will be, like, really lame and weird. I'm sorry. I just don't know what to do. Please tell me what to do. What do I do?
Leslie Knope: It's not about trying to make your life perfect. Nobody's lives are perfect. You have kids because you and Andy are a team and you want to bring in some new team members.
April: So you think we should?
Leslie Knope: I don't know if you should have kids. I really don't. But I do like your team.