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‘Truth Be Told’ Quotes

Modern Family: Truth Be Told

117. Truth Be Told

Aired March 10, 2010

Jay gets tangled up in a web of lies after he accidentally kills Manny's pet turtle, Shel Turtlestein. Claire is alarmed when Phil reconnects with an old girlfriend through Facebook. Meanwhile, an overworked Mitchell confronts his boss after feeling he's missing out on precious moments with Lily.

Quote from Manny

Gloria: Ay, good morning, papi.
Manny: Is it?
Gloria: Ay, you're still sad because of that audition.
Manny: That part was mine. I was born to play Tevye. Instead they give it to Rod Jackson? What does he know from suffering?

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Quote from Alex

Alex: Hey, Luke. Big day for you, huh?
Luke: Why?
Alex: Because you will get to meet your real mom.
Luke: What? [scoffs]
Alex: We all made a pact we'd deny it until you turned 21. But that's the real reason Dad's old girlfriend's coming over. She's your mom, and if she likes you, you'll go live with her.
Luke: I'm not adopted. I'm asking Mom.
Alex: You mean Mrs. Dunphy? She's not going to tell you the truth.

Quote from Manny

Manny: Turtle, reptile, pet. Shel Turtlestein was many things. [exhales] I don't think I can do this without crying. Maybe we should just get to the cold cuts.
Gloria: Well, we wanna hear it. Jay, why don't you read it? You were with him at the end. Remember?
Jay: "Shel Turtlestein was many things, but above all, he was my friend. When I didn't get a date with Fiona Gunderson, Shel was there. When I didn't get to play the part of Tevye, Shel was there. And when a raccoon broke into my room, unfortunately, Shel was there. I said a lot of things to my friend, but the one thing I never got to say was good-bye."

Quote from Claire

Phil: "How about we meet at Le Reve at 7:30?"
Claire: That sounds innocent enough- I mean- drinks with an ex-girlfriend at an intimate French restaurant.
Phil: Honey, you're doing that thing where you say what I want you to say but your tone seems mean.
Claire: Let me guess. Denise isn't married.
Phil: Recently divorced. What's the big deal?
Claire: Come on, Phil. You can't be that naive. Seriously, women in their 30s on the Internet are like- they're like ninjas. They get into their little black outfits and try and sneak their way into your marriage.

Quote from Phil

Luke: You had a girlfriend before Mom?
Phil: Try two. Trust me. I had plenty of fun in my time. And then I met your mom.
Claire: And thank you.

Quote from Cameron

Mitchell: Okay. Can you hear me now?
Cameron: Yeah, but just barely. Is this how loud you were talking?
Mitchell: It might have been a little bit louder. There was traffic. I almost had to shout.
Cameron: You almost had to what?
Mitchell: Shout.
Cameron: Little bit louder now.
Mitchell: Shout.
Cameron: Little bit louder now.
Mitchell: Shout!
Cameron: Hey, hey, hey, hey!

Quote from Cameron

Cameron: [aside to camera] We both believe that animals should play a big part in Lily's life. Having grown up on a farm, I was surrounded by them. They were more like brothers and sisters than just, you know, livestock.
Mitchell: Delicious brothers and sisters.
Cameron: Life on a farm. They know what they're getting into.
Mitchell: Eesh.

Quote from Jay

Jay: I was hanging up the new poster and it fell on top of him. It was an accident.
Gloria: You have to tell him.
Jay: No. I've been through this before. When Mitchell was nine, I was supposed to take care of his bird. It got out and flew into a fan. It was like a bloody pillow fight.
Gloria: My God. How many pets have you killed?
Jay: Just the two. I took the heat on the bird. It was a big mistake. To this day, Mitchell looks at me, I see him thinking, "That's the guy who killed Fliza Minnelli."

Quote from Haley

Claire: Yeah, anyway, uh, we could see the 4:00 or the 6:20.
Phil: Oh, actually, that's no good. I'm meeting my friend Denise for a drink.
Claire: Denise? Do I know Denise?
Phil: Yeah. You know, my old girlfriend.
Haley: Oh, my God. Gross. I can't even picture you with a woman.
Claire: Thank you.

Quote from Luke

Phil: So I guess she travels around selling makeup for a cosmetics company. She's in town for a week.
Alex: You mean she's like a door-to-door salesman?
Luke: If you were doing it, they'd call it a dork-to-dork salesman.
Phil: Oh! My boy strikes like a rattlesnake!

Quote from Jay

Jay: Well, if that doesn't work, this should do the trick.
Manny: "What doesn't kill us makes us stronger."
Jay: We can hang this in your room. You can see it every morning, start to internalize it. Pretty soon nothing will keep you down.
Manny: But it's not true.
Jay: What are you talking about?
Manny: Lots of stuff that doesn't kill you makes you weaker. My friend's grandfather had a heart attack. Now he needs a machine to breathe.
Gloria: I've seen him- at the supermarket. Now he needs to drive one of those little, like- [imitates engine]
Jay: That's right. Be negative.
Gloria: It's just not a good poster, Jay.
Jay: You're only making me stronger.

Quote from Phil

Claire: When are you getting together with your gal pal?
Phil: Actually, I was just checking on that. She's supposed to send me a message.
Claire: Oh, you're Facebook friends.
Phil: Sure am. She's one of my 447 friends. Everybody wants a slice.

Quote from Cameron

Cameron: [horn honks] Go around! We're re-creating a faux pas! Thank you.

Quote from Jay

Jay: I got some bad news, buddy.
Manny: What is it?
Jay: Well, there's no easy way to say this. Shel Turtlestein is dead.
Manny: What? How?
Jay: I was down here reading the paper, and I heard this commotion up in your room. So- So naturally, I go running up there. And this mangy raccoon had busted through your screen. He must have scampered up to where Shel was. By the time I walked in, he had- the little bastard had him by the neck and shaking him. Gravel was flying everywhere. He didn't even flinch. He just stared at me with that smug look and then bolted. If only I'd have got here earlier.

Quote from Gloria

Jay: He'll be okay.
Gloria: You lie.
Jay: What?
Gloria: I'm Colombian. I know a fake crime scene when I see one.

Quote from Luke

Phil: Oh, Denise, I think you might know these people. Uh, that's Haley, Alex and-
Denise: Luke. Oh! I had curly hair just like that when I was little.
Luke: So? That doesn't mean anything. [runs off whimpering]

Quote from Luke

Denise: Wow. You really lucked out. You have a beautiful wife, a gorgeous house. Oh. And those kids- I could take Luke home with me.
Claire: Well, be my guest. Seriously, you go right ahead. [laughing]
Luke: No! I like it here! [runs off whimpering]

Quote from Jay

Manny: Hello, Jay.
Jay: What are you doing up?
Manny: Waiting.
Jay: Waiting for what?
Manny: The truth. It wasn't a raccoon, was it?
Jay: Oh, all right. You got me. I killed Shel. All right? I'm sorry. It was an accident.
Manny: Why didn't you just tell me?
Jay: Because I didn't want you to be upset with me. You and I got off to a rocky start. Lately, it's been pretty good. I was afraid I'd mess all that up if you knew that I was the one that killed your pet.
Manny: Now you're the guy who killed my pet and made a stupid lie about it.
Jay: Well, I don't think it was stupid. I thought it was pretty clever. I was just trying to avoid past mistakes.

Quote from Jay

Jay: Look. I know I can't make things all better right now, but maybe over time.
Manny: Maybe.
Jay: Get some rest.
Manny: Since we're confessing things, you know that scratch on your car?
Jay: The one that can't be buffed out? Yeah?
Manny: You should probably know how it happened.
Jay: I know how it happened. Raccoon did it.
Manny: Good night, Jay.
Jay: Good night, kid.

Quote from Mitchell

Mitchell: You tried to give me this 20 years ago when my pet snake died.
Jay: I did?
Mitchell: Yes. Zsa Zsa Gaboa?
Cameron: Oh, that's adorable.
Gloria: And you really didn't know that he was gay?
Jay: I must've, right?


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