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‘The Closet Case’ Quotes Page 1 of 4    

Modern Family: The Closet Case

703. The Closet Case

Aired October 7, 2015

Phil is eager to be the cool dad when he allows Dylan to move into the basement with Haley. Mitchell takes on a consulting job for Jay's biggest rival - Closets, Closets, Closets, Closets. Meanwhile, Cameron and Gloria disagree over how to support Manny when a cheerleader declines to decorate his locker.

Quote from Claire

Claire: [aside to camera] That was the moment I realized Phil wanted me to kick Dylan out so he could be the cool one. Well, I can be cool, too. I'm cooler than cool. I'm frigid.

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Quote from Dylan

Haley: Also, we were kind of hoping that Dylan could stay in the basement with me for a little while.
Phil: Oh.
Haley: He's trying to save up to build inventory, and rent is killing him.
Dylan: It feels like they're asking for money, like, every six weeks.

Quote from Dylan

Phil: Hey, guys. Can we talk for a second?
Haley: What's up?
Phil: Actually, let's sit down. There's something pretty important we need to discuss.
Dylan: Okay, whoa. This is exactly how it started out when I found out my father wasn't really in space.

Quote from Cameron

Cameron: There you go. A nice yummy breakfast.
Lily: Hey, where's the little leprechaun?
Cameron: Oh, I think he's still getting dressed.
Lily: No, on the box. This isn't our normal cereal.

Quote from Gloria

Gloria: Okay, I want a new cheerleader for Manny. Give me this yearbook and I'm gonna pick one for him.
Cameron: No. Even if I did think that was a good idea, I'm not gonna abuse my position of power in the school.
Gloria: You share an office with a tetherball.

Quote from Cameron

Cameron: You have to just let nature take its course, just like this webcam I've been watching. It's a live stream of wild otters.
Gloria: I forget, is it the small hairy men or the tall not hairy men?
Cameron: Small hairy, but these are actual otters.

Quote from Dylan

Haley: That was weird.
Dylan: You know what's weird? Thinking your dad's on the moon, then seeing him working at the mall.

Quote from Mitchell

Jay: Well, at least you finally realized this is not some silly rivalry. Now let me get at his cigars so I can drag my deal across it.
Mitchell: Okay, I have to say, the scotch is starting to wear off and I'm having second thoughts about this plan, Dad.
Jay: What's there to think about? You take a picture of me dragging my deal across the cigars, we give him enough time to smoke them, and we send the photo to Earl.
Mitchell: First of all, Earl will then have a picture of you with your pants down, and I'll have that same picture in my brain for the rest of my life.
Jay: Suddenly you're squeamish about seeing another man's deal? The man made a fool of you, Mitchell!
Mitchell: You're right. I'm overthinking it. Whip it out.
Earl Chambers: Keep your deal in your pants, Pritchett!
Mitchell: Okay, does everybody call it a deal? How have I never heard of this?

Quote from Claire

Claire: [aside to camera] As bad as I wanted Dylan out, I wasn't gonna flinch. Phil needed to do it. He needed to be as tough as that eagle on the Internet. Dumb otter never saw it coming.

Quote from Jay

Mitchell: Listen, there's something I want to talk to you about. Um, I got an offer to handle a case, but I'm a little worried about who it's for.
Jay: What's the matter now? Killing whales? Drilling for oil? Child labor? 'Cause let me tell you something. I had a paper route when I was 7 years old, and you know what it gave me? A work ethic and a right arm like Popeye.
Mitchell: No, dad, it- I'd be working for Closets, Closets, Closets-
Jay: Next word better not be closets.
Mitchell: Of course it's closets!
Jay: Now I'm confused. Are you talking about "Closets, Closets, Closets, Closets", or "Of Course It's Closets"? 'Cause Roy Carson's a straight shooter, and poor guy has a son who's not quite right.

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