Daily Quotes - December 1
Dwight K. Schrute: Okay, fine, I'll just let it go to voice mail.
Jim: [on headset] Hello, this is Dwight.
Pam: Hey, is this Dwight?
Jim: Yes, it is.
Pam: Oh, my goodness, you sound sexy.
Jim: Oh, thank you. I've been working out.
Dwight K. Schrute: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Pam! Pam! You are not talking to Dwight right now. You're talking to Jim.
Dwight K. Schrute: No! Pam, I'm over here.
Pam: I'm confused.
Dwight K. Schrute: Disconnect that right now. You give me your earpiece.
Jim: I can't do that. Unsanitary.
Dorothy: I have to go to work, and I don't want you to worry about me. I'm going to say to you what you said to me the very first day you dropped me off at school. "See if you can find someone who looks clean to drive you home."
Cameron: Soothing, right? You see, as the music relaxes the baby, you relax.
Gloria: No, you're making the baby jump on my bladder. How can it relax listening to a song about a hooker?
Cameron: She's not a hooker, she's a private dancer. A dancer for money. She'll do what you want her to- Oh, my gosh, I taught Lily this song.
Frasier: Glad you're here. Look, I'm so sorry about this morning.
Niles: Oh, oh, oh, not at all, I ended up playing an exhilarating game with Chip Emery.
Niles: I won two out of three sets, and if you recall, Chip was club champion four years running.
Frasier: Yes. And I also recall that that record comes with an asterisk. I believe his streak was interrupted by World War Two.
Niles: It was Korea and you know it.
April: Hey, if you see Andy, will you not tell him I'm here?
Ron Swanson: Okay.
April: Because of what happened, I don't want him to think...
Ron Swanson: Stop. Don't want to know.
[aside to camera:]
Ron Swanson: The less I know about other people's affairs, the happier I am. I'm not interested in caring about people. I once worked with a guy for three years and never learned his name. Best friend I ever had. We still never talk sometimes.
Barney: You guys have to see this.
Lily: No. We're with Ted on this. We don't want to find out about Janet, just like we don't want to find out about the baby.
Marshall: Because we like mystery, whether it's the hairy majesty of Bigfoot, or the bloodsucking ferocity of the Chupacabra, or the gender of our little miracle.
Lily: Thanks for putting those together in the same sentence, sweetie.
Tim Whatley: Father Curtis told me about your little joke.
Jerry: What about all your Jewish jokes?
Tim Whatley: I'm Jewish. You're not a dentist. You have no idea what my people have been through.
Jerry: The Jews?
Tim Whatley: No, the dentists. You know, we have the highest suicide rate of any profession?
Jerry: Is that why it's so hard to get an appointment?
Nick: That's a nice grain.
Jason: Great grain.
Nick: Got to cut with the grain.
Jason: Uh, always.
Nick: Watch the fingers.
Jason: It's a living.
Nick: Get the hands dirty.
Jason: Yeah, you know, early bird gets the worm.
Nick: [laughs] Clean your jeans.
Jason: Ask her what time it is, she'll tell you to build a watch, you know? [both laugh]
Schmidt: Would you look at that?
Gina: Do you have any connections in the FBI or CIA? There's no one else I can turn to to solve this crime.
Captain Holt: Gina, you work in a police precinct. You can turn to anyone here.
Gina: You think these buffoons can help? They're buffoons.