Daily Quotes - December 1

  • Quote from Monica in Friends episode The One with Chandler in a Box

    Monica: Well, maybe you can give it to somebody else. Like Ross Geller.
    Chandler: Oh, you know what, though? It's kind of a girlie briefcase.
    Monica: Who cares? He works in a museum.

  • Quote from Jim in The Office episode Goodbye, Toby

    Dwight K. Schrute: Okay, fine, I'll just let it go to voice mail.
    Jim: [on headset] Hello, this is Dwight.
    Pam: Hey, is this Dwight?
    Jim: Yes, it is.
    Pam: Oh, my goodness, you sound sexy.
    Jim: Oh, thank you. I've been working out.
    Dwight K. Schrute: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Pam! Pam! You are not talking to Dwight right now. You're talking to Jim.
    Pam: Dwight?
    Dwight K. Schrute: No! Pam, I'm over here.
    Pam: I'm confused.
    Dwight K. Schrute: Disconnect that right now. You give me your earpiece.
    Jim: I can't do that. Unsanitary.

  • Quote from Roland in Schitt's Creek episode Ronnie's Party

    Johnny: Oh, just continue on inside.
    Roland: Well, I hope we didn't catch the two of you with your pants down.
    Jocelyn: Oh.
    Roland: I'm just joking, I can see they're on. No, we actually listened outside to make sure.

  • Quote from Dorothy in The Golden Girls episode Older and Wiser

    Dorothy: I have to go to work, and I don't want you to worry about me. I'm going to say to you what you said to me the very first day you dropped me off at school. "See if you can find someone who looks clean to drive you home."

  • Quote from Cameron in Modern Family episode Mistery Date

    Cameron: Soothing, right? You see, as the music relaxes the baby, you relax.
    Gloria: No, you're making the baby jump on my bladder. How can it relax listening to a song about a hooker?
    Cameron: She's not a hooker, she's a private dancer. A dancer for money. She'll do what you want her to- Oh, my gosh, I taught Lily this song.

  • Quote from Niles in Frasier episode When a Man Loves Two Women

    Frasier: Glad you're here. Look, I'm so sorry about this morning.
    Niles: Oh, oh, oh, not at all, I ended up playing an exhilarating game with Chip Emery.
    Frasier: Oh.
    Niles: I won two out of three sets, and if you recall, Chip was club champion four years running.
    Frasier: Yes. And I also recall that that record comes with an asterisk. I believe his streak was interrupted by World War Two.
    Niles: It was Korea and you know it.

  • Quote from Ron Swanson in Parks and Recreation episode Flu Season

    April: Hey, if you see Andy, will you not tell him I'm here?
    Ron Swanson: Okay.
    April: Because of what happened, I don't want him to think...
    Ron Swanson: Stop. Don't want to know.
    [aside to camera:]
    Ron Swanson: The less I know about other people's affairs, the happier I am. I'm not interested in caring about people. I once worked with a guy for three years and never learned his name. Best friend I ever had. We still never talk sometimes.

  • Quote from Marshall in How I Met Your Mother episode Mystery Vs. History

    Barney: You guys have to see this.
    Lily: No. We're with Ted on this. We don't want to find out about Janet, just like we don't want to find out about the baby.
    Marshall: Because we like mystery, whether it's the hairy majesty of Bigfoot, or the bloodsucking ferocity of the Chupacabra, or the gender of our little miracle.
    Lily: Thanks for putting those together in the same sentence, sweetie.

  • Quote from Dr. Kelso in Scrubs episode My Dumb Luck

    Dr. Kelso: I feel like I've given my life to this place and got nothing in return. I mean, is there an MRI machine in my basement? Maybe. I guess I just wanted to end my career on my own terms, you know?

  • Quote from Jerry in Seinfeld episode The Yada Yada

    Tim Whatley: Father Curtis told me about your little joke.
    Jerry: What about all your Jewish jokes?
    Tim Whatley: I'm Jewish. You're not a dentist. You have no idea what my people have been through.
    Jerry: The Jews?
    Tim Whatley: No, the dentists. You know, we have the highest suicide rate of any profession?
    Jerry: Is that why it's so hard to get an appointment?

  • Quote from Nick in New Girl episode Es Good

    Nick: That's a nice grain.
    Jason: Great grain.
    Nick: Got to cut with the grain.
    Jason: Uh, always.
    Nick: Watch the fingers.
    Jason: It's a living.
    Nick: Get the hands dirty.
    Jason: Yeah, you know, early bird gets the worm.
    Nick: [laughs] Clean your jeans.
    Jason: Ask her what time it is, she'll tell you to build a watch, you know? [both laugh]
    Schmidt: Would you look at that?

  • Quote from Beverly in The Goldbergs episode The Darryl Dawkins Dance

    Erica: Mom, I need you to get heavily involved with your son in an inappropriate way.
    Beverly: I'm in. You name it. I'll do it.

  • Quote from Leonard in The Big Bang Theory episode The Roommate Transmogrification

    Leonard: Open the landing bay doors, shuttle craft approaching.

  • Quote from Gina in Brooklyn Nine-Nine episode The Ebony Falcon

    Gina: Do you have any connections in the FBI or CIA? There's no one else I can turn to to solve this crime.
    Captain Holt: Gina, you work in a police precinct. You can turn to anyone here.
    Gina: You think these buffoons can help? They're buffoons.