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‘On the Same Paige’ Quotes

Modern Family: On the Same Paige

1006. On the Same Paige

Aired October 31, 2018

Phil is worried his real estate class will be cancelled if another student drops out, so he pulls out all the stops to charm Paige, who happens to have a dinner date with Luke. Cameron feels Mitchell is too self-conscious when he refuses to perform at a school event. Meanwhile, Jay questions whether he's been flirting with a mom at the school.

Quote from Gloria

Gloria: [aside to camera] I really wanted to trust that Joe was wearing his eye patch, but after finding it in the garbage, I had to make sure. I didn't want him to mess up his vision. I think it's a big problem in this country. Everywhere I look, there are men with googily eyes.

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Quote from Phil

Claire: I don't remember buying these fresh peaches. Aah!
Phil: Apologies, Serge. My wife, Claire, seems to have forgotten that I'm holding office hours for my Intro to Real Estate class here at home.
Claire: So, when I walked to the laundry room minutes ago in my bra...
Phil: That was kind of perfect, actually. I had just made a point about how buildings from the early '70s were holding up surprisingly well.

Quote from Mitchell

Maria: Hey, Mr. Pritchett. I'll take this when you're ready.
Jay: Thank you, Maria.
Cameron: Oh, Maria, that's a beautiful name. That's why it's often sung.
Mitchell: But you're not going to...
Cameron: ♪ Ave Maria ♪
Mitchell: And curtain. Okay, they just started letting gays in here. Don't make them regret it.
Jay: You might also wanna tell Sharona to steer clear of the table.

Quote from Jay

Mitchell: Thanks for breakfast, Dad.
Jay: Hey, I love spending time with you two!
[aside to camera:]
Jay: Every month I've gotta burn off a minimum at the club, and literally, everybody else I knew was busy. That's also why I give a lot of birthday presents from the pro-shop. You know, mugs and visors that say "Kiss My Putter," "Talk Birdie To Me." Quality items. Everybody wins.

Quote from Claire

Luke: How'd you even get an old paper on a thumb drive?
Claire: [scoffs] It was easy.
[aside to camera:]
Claire: Ish. The old paper was on an old format, but it was a simple matter of stringing a couple of old machines together to get what I needed. Yes, I have been accused of having a little problem with perfectionism, but I also have a little problem with injustice, much as a certain U.S. President had a little problem with European Imperialism. Of course when a man does it, it becomes a doctrine. And when a woman does it, she's hysterical.

Quote from Jay

Jay: [aside to camera] Mitch and Cam got in my head. I'd had a perfectly innocent relationship with the fun mom, but then they got me feeling all guilty. Suddenly I couldn't mention one thing in that school without it sounding like a double entendre. Nap time? Fun zone? [warily] Juice box...

Quote from Jay

Gloria: I've had enough, the wandering eye, the lies.
[aside to camera:]
Jay: Why was I so nervous? I had done nothing wrong. Sure, I engaged in some friendly e-mail banter. I guess I realized blue shirts make my eyes sparkle. Might have done a few push-ups in the parking lot before the pizza party, but that's for everybody.

Quote from Joe

[Car door opens]
Jay: Hey, buddy.
Joe: I'm sorry, okay?! I lied about wearing my eye patch, and that's only the beginning! I lied about how my bike broke. I never walk Stella. I tie her to the treadmill. The last three teeth I put under my pillow were Tic-Tacs. I'm a terrible boy.
Gloria: Oh, good. He's weak like you.

Quote from Luke

Paige: For starters, my grandmother's ravioli.
Luke: It looks amazing. I've been saving some occasion wine in my room. The grape character on the box is saying "Mamma Mia!" so it should go well with Italian.

Quote from Phil

Phil: [aside to camera] I've heard things like this happened to Paul McCartney at the height of his Beatles fame. It was a classic fatal-attraction situation. I had to do two things. One: get through the next minutes 'til the deadline to drop my class had passed by distracting her with light banter and enjoying her Tuscan cooking. And two: check to see if she had beaten and restrained Claire.


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