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43Quotes from ‘Come Fly with Me’

Modern Family: Come Fly with Me

103. Come Fly with Me

Aired October 7, 2009

Jay reluctantly lets Phil join him as he flies his new model aeroplane. As Gloria helps Alex shop for a dress, Manny takes time out of playing with Luke to have a heart-to-heart with Claire. Meanwhile, Cameron regrets taking Mitchell to Costco.

Quote from Phil

Phil: He's a little jumpy.
Claire: Oh, go figure. A teenage boy doesn't want to hang out with his girlfriend's dad.
Phil: I thought we were past all that. I'm all about I'm all about taking it to the next level.
Claire: Really? I thought you were all about keeping it real.
Phil: Yes, but the whole point of keeping it real is so you can take it to the next level. Did you really not know that?

Quote from Gloria

Gloria: [aside to camera] I always wanted a daughter. To dress her up with pretty dresses do her hair, her nails, her makeup. [chuckles] No one knows this, but for the first year of his life, I made up Manny like a girl and told everybody that he was my daughter. [laughs] Ay, but just for a few times. I didn't want to mess with his head. When he found the pictures, I told him that it was his twin sister who died.

Quote from Phil

Phil: [aside to camera] The thing about me and Jay is that our relationship's always been stuck In that primal place where it started. You know, he's the old silverback protecting his females. Then along comes this younger, stronger gorilla, swinging in, beating his chest, you know. Naturally, the ape ladies come running, presenting their nice scarlet behinds. Papa ape wants to stop all that, but he can't, you know. That's- That's life. I'm not the enemy. The enemy is poachers.

Quote from Manny

Claire: Alex and I can't just disagree. I mean, she has to turn everything into a fight.
Manny: Hmm, a strong, independent woman. Sounds like somebody else I know.
Claire: I was never hostile, thou. This- This whole thing with the dress- Never had this problem with Haley.
Manny: Maybe Alex doesn't want to compete with her big sister. Maybe she's trying to create her own identity. Put her in a dress and she disappears.
Claire: For one afternoon.
Manny: I wouldn't give up being myself for even one second.
Claire: Wow. Sometimes it's hard to remember you're only 10 years old.
Manny: [with a milk mustache] And three-quarters.

Quote from Jay

Gloria: [aside to camera] Men need their hobbies. Manny's father had many hobbies, like hiking in the desert, That kind of skiing that they drop you from the... How do you say in English? The [imitates helicopter]
Jay: Helicopter.
Gloria: Yes. Once, on a dare, he even boxed with an alligator.
Jay: Wrestle. You wrestle- You can't box with alligators.
Gloria: Are you sure?
Jay: How would they get the gloves on those little claws?
Gloria: Aren't they like tiny, little hands?
Jay: No!
Jay: Okay, now I forgot what we were talking about.
Gloria: Anyways, hobbies are important for the men, whether you're risking your life or flying little planes from a safe distance.

Quote from Manny

Claire: So, you and Luke having a good time?
Manny: I don't know. He won't come out of his box. Maybe I'll just stay here and spend some time with my sister.
Claire: Oh, right, I guess, technically, I would be your stepsister. My mother says we are never to use the word "step" because it means "not real," and we are a real family.
Claire: Mm.
Manny: So, what is the matter, Claire?
Claire: What?
Manny: You seem sad.
Claire: It's just stuff with Alex. You know, kid stuff.
Manny: Ugh, kids. You don't have to tell me. My school is full of them.

Quote from Phil

Phil: Dylan! D-money! Chillin' with Dylan the vVillain. "D" to the "Y" to the-
Dylan: Hey, Mr. Dunphy. Hey, come on in. You're just in time to catch the end of the game. Oh, I'm not really a baseball guy. [cellphone beeps] Haley says hi.
Claire: I-I was just being facetious.
Phil: Come on. I'll catch you up. Sit it. Park it. Come on, I don't bite. [growls] Kidding. [chuckles] I'm kidding. Okay, see that guy? He's the tying run. Interesting story about him. He's been stuck on second base forever, and I'm pretty sure he's gonna try and steal third, which is just a terrible, terrible idea. How are you and Haley doing?

Quote from Cameron

Mitchell: Wait, wait, wait, wait. What are you doing?
Cameron: We're just gonna buy some diapers. It'll just take a second.
Mitchell: This is Costco.
Cameron: Yeah, which is where we buy diapers.
Mitchell: Since when?
Cameron: Do you remember when we adopted that baby a few months back? Since then.

Quote from Cameron

Cameron: [aside to camera] Mitchell is a snob.
Mitchell: No, n-no, I'm- I'm discerning.
Cameron: Official slogan for snobs. When we first met, he wouldn't even look at me because I was a hick from the farm in Missouri. And he's a big city mouse.
Mitchell: Who says "city mouse"?
Cameron: Country mice.

Quote from Alex

Alex: Okay, Mom, what about this?
Claire: No, you're wearing a dress.
Alex: [sighs] Mom, come on!
Claire: What? It's gonna kill you to look like a girl for one afternoon?
Alex: But it's a wedding for some friend of yours that I never even heard of.
Claire: It's nonnegotiable. You can borrow a dress of Haley's again.
Alex: No, that sends an ugly message. That I'm Haley. You know, instead of trying to force me to wear a dress, why don't you worry about getting Luke to wear some pants?

Quote from Claire

Gloria: Alex, why don't you come shopping with me? Maybe I can help you find something that you like.
Claire: That's a really nice offer, but it's not really her thing.
Alex: Actually, I'd love to go. See, you don't know what my thing is. You have no idea what my thing is.
Claire: I know what your thing is. Your thing is to provoke. Just like your sister's thing Is to never come out of her room. And your brother's thing- Oh, well, there's your brother's thing. Luke! Put 'em on! Mm-hmm.

Quote from Cameron

Cameron: Oh, hey. I got the toothpaste and the soap.
Mitchell: Good. Now we can open that general store. I thought we were just here to get diapers.
Cameron: We had a saying on the farm. As long as you're bringing the mule to the market, you- I feel you rolling your eyes at me.

Quote from Cameron

Cameron: [aside to camera] We met at one of pepper's legendary game nights. I remember Mitchell because he kept rolling his eyes every time I would get a little boisterous.
Mitchell: I did not!
Cameron: A little bit.
Mitchell: Yeah, maybe a little bit. We were- We were playing charades, and I-I had no idea how to act out my clue, and all I could think of to do was- [holds hands up like he's playing a piano] And without missing a beat, Cam says-
Cameron: "Casablanca."
Mitchell: All I did was this- [again]
Cameron: "Casablanca." [Mitchell does it again] "Casablanca."

Quote from Jay

Phil: I should get one of those. I've always loved planes. You know, if things had gone a little differently in my life, I think I would have been a pilot. Hey, what would happen if you turned the remote off and then back on real fast?
Jay: Yeah, you would have been a great pilot.

Quote from Jay

Phil: You drove the plane into my face.
Jay: You must have moved. I told you to stay still.
Phil: I didn't move!
Jay: Try not to talk. I want to make sure nothing's broken. [inspecting the plane]

Quote from Mitchell

Mitchell: Cameron, guess what I found. Coffins. They sell baby formula, and they sell coffins. You can literally buy everything you need from birth to death.

Quote from Mitchell

Mitchell: I'm in the applesauce aisle!

Quote from Cameron

Mitchell: [aside to camera] So, anyways, after charades, we went out for coffee, and I learned that he loves art, he plays the piano, he speaks French.
Cameron: Un peu.
Mitchell: So, you know, I-I misjudged him.
Cameron: Yeah, I'm sort of like Costco. I'm big, I'm not fancy, and I dare you to not like me.
Mitchell: Yeah, and I'm kind of more like that, um... Oh, what is the name of that little shop we went to in Paris?
Cameron: You are such a snob. [Mitchell does the gesture again] "Casablanca."

Quote from Alex

Gloria: No, no, no. I've answered enough of your questions. Now it's your turn to answer one.
Alex: What is it?
Gloria: Why you don't want to wear a dress?
Alex: Because I don't want to look like Haley and her stupid friends.
Gloria: I wear dresses, and I don't look like Haley.
Alex: You are Haley, just forty years older.
Gloria: Ten.
Alex: Twenty.
Gloria: Deal.

Quote from Phil

Phil: I was in a plane crash.
Claire: What happened?
Jay: We were threading the needle, and somebody moved.
Phil: No, I didn't. You did it on purpose. That's the painkiller talking. He's a little loopy.
Gloria: How bad is it?
Jay: Well, the wing is cracked, the propeller's bent, but I can-
Gloria: I meant Phil.
Phil: I was in a plane crash.

Quote from Jay

Jay: I didn't ask him to be there. He insisted. He took a chance. This is what happened.
Claire: Kind of like the time you ran over his foot?
Manny: You ran over his foot?
Jay: That was an accident.
Claire: You know, Dad, you did it on purpose. We all saw the tire marks on the lawn.
Jay: I had just quit smoking.

Quote from Claire

Claire: Dylan.
Dylan: Hey, Mrs. Dunphy. Um, I'm just waiting for Haley.
Claire: Did you ring the bell?
Dylan: I texted. She said she'd be down in just a minute.
Claire: Oh, great. Tell her I said hi.

Quote from Jay

Manny: I wish I could stay home with you and fly toy airplanes.
Jay: These aren't toy airplanes, Manny. These are models, and they're very complicated. You want to fly one of these, you've got to be familiar with airfoil, drag, lift, and thrust, and these are all principles of aerodynamics.
Manny: The box says, "12 and up."
Jay: What?!
Gloria: You can fly toy planes with Jay next time. Today you have to spend time with Luke.
Manny: Why?
Gloria: Because his mother invited you, so you go. Family needs to be close, right, Jay?
Jay: I'm pretty sure this is a typo.

Quote from Phil

Phil: [aside to camera] Jay and I are buds, for sure, But with kind of an invisible asterisk. Um, he's not, uh, he's not a talker. Or- Or a hugger. Once, he ran over my foot with his car. To- To be fair, he had just given up smoking. But, basically, we're buds.

Quote from Cameron

Mitchell: Can we just please get the diapers and get out of here?
Cameron: Fine, but I want to stop by the wine section first.
Mitchell: [chuckles] Wait. There's a wine section?
Cameron: Yeah, a really good one. Just past the tires.

Quote from Mitchell

Mitchell: No way, they do not have- Oh, my god. Oh, my- Cam. Cam. The paper shredder I wanted, huh? Confetti and crosscut-
Cameron: Yep.
Mitchell: Ohh! Oh, my god, amazing.
Cameron: Yeah.
Mitchell: Cam, what is this place?

Quote from Claire

Manny: Those cookies smell like heaven. Your own recipe?
Claire: No, I just throw them in the en.
Manny: And added the secret ingredient of caring?
Claire: Sure.

Quote from Gloria

Gloria: I was thinking, after lunch, We can go and do a little shopping.
Alex: I'm not getting a dress.
Gloria: I don't care. I'm not your mother.
Alex: I know. You're my grandmother.
Gloria: Step-grandmother.

Quote from Gloria

Gloria: Well, you can still talk to me about anything.
Alex: Yeah, adults always say that, but they don't mean it. When my mom says I can ask her anything, I really can't. She just freaks out.
Gloria: I won't freak out. Shoot.
Alex: Okay. How many men have you slept with?
Gloria: Eight. Next.

Quote from Mitchell

Mitchell: Oh, my god, look at these diapers. [gasps] Look how cheap they are! Oh, you know what we should do? We should get enough for like the next year or two, right?
Cameron: Where would we keep them?
Mitchell: They sell sheds.
Cameron: Really? You want to buy a diaper shed. We're those guys now? The guys with the diaper shed?

Quote from Alex

Gloria: I have a small flower on my ankle. And a tiny, little butterfly on my... thigh.
Alex: How high up?
Gloria: Very high.
Alex: Did you do it to look sexy? No, did you do it for a guy? Does Grandpa like it?
Gloria: No, no, and yes.
Alex: That's gross. Let's go back to your piercings.

Quote from Alex

Gloria: Alex, why are you fighting me on this?
Alex: It doesn't matter if I dress up. I'm not pretty like Haley and you.
Gloria: That's ridiculous! You're beautiful!
Alex: I'm not. But that's okay. I'm the smart one.

Quote from Gloria

Gloria: Hmm, the cute busboy doesn't know that you're smart.
Alex: What?
Gloria: He's been smiling at you every time he comes to the table.
Alex: He does not!
Gloria: Why do you think we are the only people with bread? Look, one day, you are going to want to date a cute guy like that. When that day comes, you're gonna want to look beautiful, and then you'll wear a dress.
Alex: So, you ever kiss another girl?
Gloria: That's no way to talk to your grandmother.

Quote from Claire

Claire: Was my mom hard on me growing up? Yeah, she was. But you know what? Back then, everything was Betty Friedan And Gloria Steinem. They didn't understand...

Quote from Manny

Gloria: Did you have fun with Luke?
Manny: Well, not-
Claire: We had a great time. Alex, I've been thinking, and If you don't want to wear a dress to the wedding, it's not the end of the world.
Alex: It's all right. I bought one. [Alex and Gloria laugh]
Claire: Do you see how she has to provoke me?
Manny: We'll talk about it next week.

Quote from Phil

Phil: Ow! Ow! I need to rest my face.

Quote from Phil

Gloria: You okay?
Jay: Gloria. Thank god you're here.
Manny: Don't worry. I'm here, too.
Phil: Who's this?

Quote from Claire

Jay: Wasn't my fault.
Claire: Oh, I have seen you thread the needle a million times. You never miss.
Jay: Yeah, I must be getting old.
Claire: Why don't you just admit it? You never liked Phil. And put that down. You do not get a cookie.

Quote from Claire

Jay: I like Phil. It's just that sometimes he tries too hard, you know? And it's just kind of... Irritating.
Claire: Okay, maybe he tries too hard because you make zero effort with him. You know what? In the 16 years that we've been married, have you one time told him that you liked him?
Jay: Not in those exact words, no.
Claire: No, not in any words, Dad. How do you think that makes me feel?

Quote from Gloria

Gloria: You've never told your son that you love him?
Jay: Whoa, whoa, when did we jump to "love"? And he's technically not my son.
Gloria: Ah. So that means that you don't love Manny, either?
Jay: Well, sure I do. I mean, believe me, when I was in that park, I really wished Manny was there.
Gloria: For what? So that you could fly the plane into his head?

Quote from Claire

Claire: Dad, thanks so much for bringing Phil home. I found one of your little flaps in his hair, so...
Jay: Actually, this is called an aileron. It controls the-
Claire: Yeah, 'cause that's what matters right now.

Quote from Phil

Jay: Phil, I just want you to know, I'm sorry. And whether I missed or you moved-
Phil: I didn't.
Jay: Either way. I just want to say that I like you.
Phil: Really?
Jay: Yeah.
Phil: What do you like about me?
Jay: You're a nice guy. You try real hard.
Phil: I do.
Jay: You're a good dad.
Phil: I am a good dad. Come here. Come here, you. This feels so right.

Quote from Jay

Gloria: Say it, say it!
Jay: I like you, too, Cam.
Phil: What do you like about him?
Jay: Oh, geez.


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