Phil: Hey, you. What's going on? You, uh- You texting a boy?
Alex: Just figuring out my summer plans.
Phil: I remember the summer of my junior year. I followed N.W.A. on tour. Nebraskans With Accordions. This was before Polka Pete was brutally murdered, of course.

Sam: Okay, well I must say, you do look beautiful. You remind me of my first beard.
Claire: Thank you. I'm a lady in the streets and a freak in the spreadsheets. It's not a bad caption if you're still interested in using me in your magazine.

Joe: Daddy.
Jay: What are you doing up?
Joe: I can't sleep. Wait. You eat while I'm in bed? Is there a meal I don't know about?
Jay: A couple.
Jay: But you need to hit the hay, buddy. I need you sawin' logs until 0700.
Joe: I don't know what any of that means.

Jay: [aside to camera] Gloria and I are going through a romantic dry spell. Luckily, she's out tonight with her friend, Rebecca, who is married to a jackass. Gloria always comes home ready to show her appreciation. Suddenly, me going to bed with socks on is not such a deal-breaker.

Gloria: [on the phone with her friend] Ay. Joe leaves all his toys on the floor. I tell him to pick them up, but he doesn't listen. I'm telling you, it's a disaster in the bedroom. I don't know what to do. It's like he can't remember where things go. Eventually, I get so frustrated that I take care of it myself. Spanking? Well, yeah, I guess we could try that. Actually, now that you mention it, Javier and I tried it a long time ago. It was a game-changer.

Alex: Yeah, this is a little different. I'm actually up for an internship researching the minimal supersymmetric standard model at M.I.T.
Phil: Cool. Beantown.
Alex: I don't know why I'm getting all girly and excited about it. It's not like I'm gonna get it anyways.
Phil: What's with the quitter talk? If you want my advice-
Alex: No, I don't, but thanks. What is all this junk? Fruit Roll-ups, chips, chocolate milk? Ugh.
Phil: Th- There's nothing in the fridge.
Alex: I'm packing you a lunch.
[aside to camera:]
Alex: I've always heard there comes a time in life when the kid starts parenting the parents. I thought it would be when I was in my 40s. But I'm pretty mature for my age, and my dad claps when he gets waffle fries.

Gloria: I'm here, casually reading a magazine, Jay.
Jay: There's my brainiac. You didn't even have to turn around. You knew it was me.
Gloria: Oh, well, Manny's at school, and Joe doesn't have a key, so-
Jay: What are you tearing through?
Gloria: Nothing. Just, like, a fashion magazine.
Jay: In English, your second language. With all that information in your head, we should be calling you "Encyclopedia Brown" which sounds like a slur, but isn't.

Phil: You know why I like the meadow? 'Cause it lets me think about what I want to do next. Should I battle the ogre or brave the Swamps of Despair? Should I take the super stressful internship in Boston, or am I doing that just because I think I'm supposed to?
Alex: [scoffs] I beat out hundreds of candidates. I would be working with the pre-eminent scholar in the field. This is the chance of a lifetime.
Phil: Yeah, but it's your lifetime. It's okay to enjoy it.
Alex: [sighs] No one turns this down.
Phil: Well, you always liked being the first one to do something. Give yourself the summer you want. You've collected enough gold ingots to buy yourself some time off.
Alex: It won't make me lazy, will it?
Phil: Honey, you walked at six months, spoke at a year, and your first words were "Sorry it took me so long to walk."

Jay: What's this?
Gloria: Oh, you know what? I think that is the hat that Manny uses to play charades.
Jay: That's a relief, because I don't think I'm flexible enough for a "Chitty Chitty Bang Bang."

Mitchell: [aside to camera] I recently got a pretty fancy job working for billionaire Michael Quinly. It's kind of a big deal.
Cameron: It is a big deal. Now, admittedly, throwing a party to celebrate your own reversal of fortune could be seen as braggy. Sort of a rags-to-bitches story, if you will.
Mitchell: Then again, for a while now, when I've been telling my friends that I was struggling, they'd give me "that look" the one that's mostly sympathetic with just a touch of enjoying my pain. So, today, I get the other look the one that's mostly "I'm so happy for you" with just a hint of "I am wracked with jealousy." It'll be good to see the old gang again.