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‘Halloween 3: AwesomeLand’ Quotes Page 1 of 5

Modern Family: Halloween 3: AwesomeLand

606. Halloween 3: AwesomeLand

Aired October 29, 2014

With Claire busy at work on her favorite holiday, Phil takes over the Halloween decorations and is determined to put his own happy spin on the festivities. Jay chooses his own costume after rejecting Gloria's couple's costume choice of Princess Fiona and Shrek. Meanwhile, Cameron feels his dedication to coaching is causing him to drop the ball on parenting Lily, and Mitchell is hoping to break a losing streak in the court room.

Quote from Haley

Phil: Claire, I know this isn't the Halloween you wanted, but can you try to sell it?
Claire: I'm sorry, honey. I got mad at you and I upset Amber, and all because Ronnie called me a soccer mom. What is wrong with me?
Haley: Nothing. I hate it when people assume things about me that aren't true. Like because I'm pretty, I'm stuck-up. When people do that to me, I'm just like, "Shut up, troll. Why am I even talking to you?"

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Quote from Jay

Jay: Yeah, ouch. You do this every time. You go as a princess. I have to go as some freak. You're beauty, I'm the beast. You're Beyonce? I'm that guy.

Quote from Mitchell

Cameron: You know, Lily's been letting me know recently that she's feeling neglected. I think it's because of all my football stuff. That's why I went all out on her costume. Look how incredibly accurate it is. Where is that little guy? Come on. Come to me. Come on. Here you- Here you go.
[aside to camera:]
Mitchell: No matter how long he stares at it, Cam cannot find Waldo.
Lily: It's crazy.
Mitchell: Once, he pointed to a barber pole, and we just gave it to him.

Quote from Gloria

Gloria: Boys, what do you think about my costume for tonight?
Jay: You look dynamite, honey.
Gloria: Ay, thank you. I am princess Fiona.
Jay: So does that make me a prince? Do I have to keep track of a crown all night?
Gloria: No, you're Shrek, the ogre.
Jay: You mean that big green thing? Nah, I don't want to walk around all night with an ugly rubber mask.
Gloria: No. You just need to paint your face green, and that's it.
Manny: Ouch.

Quote from Gloria

Gloria: Well, you never want to go shopping with me for costumes, so I get what I want, and you are what comes with it.
Jay: Well, this year, I'm getting my own costume, and it's gonna be tough and manly. Maybe a cowboy or a construction worker.
Gloria: You know that that's what Mitch and Cam wore last year, right?

Quote from Phil

Phil: [aside to camera] Claire's busy with work this year, so I'm taking over the Halloween duties. My theme is Awesomeland.
Claire: Which includes anything Phil finds awesome. It's a pretty big umbrella.
Phil: Ooh! Big, pretty umbrellas, those are awesome.
Claire: Nuh-uh.
Phil: Claire loves blood and guts and gore, but who says Halloween has to be scary?
Claire: Everybody but you.
Phil: This is killing her.
Claire: At least something's dying.

Quote from Gloria

Gloria: So, because of this marriage, you're basically third cousins with Shakira. I mean, we don't get the free tickets, but it's fun.

Quote from Jay

Jay: [aside to camera] I loved having hair, and I knew how to use it. I'd walk up to a pretty girl and run my hand through my hair. Score a touchdown, whip the helmet off, run my hand through my hair. People say clothes make the man, but that makes no sense. What makes the man is a nice head of hair. [stroking his head] Damn it! It's like a phantom limb!

Quote from Mitchell

Cameron: Look, in the hallway! It's a bird! It's a plane!
Mitchell: It's super-out-of-breath.
Cameron: Happy Halloween to you, too.

Quote from Mitchell

Mitchell: I'm sorry. I'm just- I'm really nervous about this closing argument today.
Cameron: [whispering] Is it because you've lost three cases in a row?
Mitchell: Whispering it doesn't make it any less painful.

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