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‘Halloween 3: AwesomeLand’ Quotes Page 1 of 3

Modern Family: Halloween 3: AwesomeLand

606. Halloween 3: AwesomeLand

Aired October 29, 2014

With Claire busy at work on her favorite holiday, Phil takes over the Halloween decorations and is determined to put his own happy spin on the festivities. Jay chooses his own costume after rejecting Gloria's couple's costume choice of Princess Fiona and Shrek. Meanwhile, Cameron feels his dedication to coaching is causing him to drop the ball on parenting Lily, and Mitchell is hoping to break a losing streak in the court room.

Quote from Haley

Phil: Claire, I know this isn't the Halloween you wanted, but can you try to sell it?
Claire: I'm sorry, honey. I got mad at you and I upset Amber, and all because Ronnie called me a soccer mom. What is wrong with me?
Haley: Nothing. I hate it when people assume things about me that aren't true. Like because I'm pretty, I'm stuck-up. When people do that to me, I'm just like, "Shut up, troll. Why am I even talking to you?"

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Quote from Jay

Jay: Yeah, ouch. You do this every time. You go as a princess. I have to go as some freak. You're beauty, I'm the beast. You're Beyonce? I'm that guy.

Quote from Mitchell

Cameron: You know, Lily's been letting me know recently that she's feeling neglected. I think it's because of all my football stuff. That's why I went all out on her costume. Look how incredibly accurate it is. Where is that little guy? Come on. Come to me. Come on. Here you- Here you go.
[aside to camera:]
Mitchell: No matter how long he stares at it, Cam cannot find Waldo.
Lily: It's crazy.
Mitchell: Once, he pointed to a barber pole, and we just gave it to him.

Quote from Gloria

Gloria: Boys, what do you think about my costume for tonight?
Jay: You look dynamite, honey.
Gloria: Ay, thank you. I am princess Fiona.
Jay: So does that make me a prince? Do I have to keep track of a crown all night?
Gloria: No, you're Shrek, the ogre.
Jay: You mean that big green thing? Nah, I don't want to walk around all night with an ugly rubber mask.
Gloria: No. You just need to paint your face green, and that's it.
Manny: Ouch.

Quote from Gloria

Gloria: Well, you never want to go shopping with me for costumes, so I get what I want, and you are what comes with it.
Jay: Well, this year, I'm getting my own costume, and it's gonna be tough and manly. Maybe a cowboy or a construction worker.
Gloria: You know that that's what Mitch and Cam wore last year, right?

Quote from Phil

Phil: [aside to camera] Claire's busy with work this year, so I'm taking over the Halloween duties. My theme is Awesomeland.
Claire: Which includes anything Phil finds awesome. It's a pretty big umbrella.
Phil: Ooh! Big, pretty umbrellas, those are awesome.
Claire: Nuh-uh.
Phil: Claire loves blood and guts and gore, but who says Halloween has to be scary?
Claire: Everybody but you.
Phil: This is killing her.
Claire: At least something's dying.

Quote from Gloria

Gloria: So, because of this marriage, you're basically third cousins with Shakira. I mean, we don't get the free tickets, but it's fun.

Quote from Jay

Jay: [aside to camera] I loved having hair, and I knew how to use it. I'd walk up to a pretty girl and run my hand through my hair. Score a touchdown, whip the helmet off, run my hand through my hair. People say clothes make the man, but that makes no sense. What makes the man is a nice head of hair. [stroking his head] Damn it! It's like a phantom limb!

Quote from Mitchell

Cameron: Look, in the hallway! It's a bird! It's a plane!
Mitchell: It's super-out-of-breath.
Cameron: Happy Halloween to you, too.

Quote from Mitchell

Mitchell: I'm sorry. I'm just- I'm really nervous about this closing argument today.
Cameron: [whispering] Is it because you've lost three cases in a row?
Mitchell: Whispering it doesn't make it any less painful.

Quote from Mitchell

Cameron: Well, do you want to run your argument by me?
Mitchell: Could I?
Cameron: Sure.
Mitchell: Um, okay. Six years ago, Alger Equities took investments from municipal pension funds and private investors and funneled all of that into offshore- And I've already lost you.
Cameron: No. I was just thinking, because it's Halloween, what if you wore these in the courtroom? Show the jury "Hey, I'm playful."
Mitchell: Cam, I'm an attorney, not Bugs Bunny trying to hide on a train.

Quote from Lily

Lily: I'm ready.
Cameron: There's Waldo!
Lily: I think I'm gonna win the costume contest.
Cameron: Hey, now, honey, it's not important if you win. It's just for fun. Picture.
Lily: But it's more fun if you win. [to Mitchell] No offense, daddy.

Quote from Alex

Alex: Damn it! I cut my finger!
Haley: Ha, ha, happy Halloween.
Alex: No, really. I cut myself. Look!
Luke: That looks great. What'd you use to make the blood?
Alex: A knife. I'm actually hurt.
Claire: Great production value, sweetheart. I'm impressed.

Quote from Jay

Gloria: Ay, dios mio. What is this?
Jay: What's up, princess? I'm Prince Charming.
Gloria: I can see that.
Jay: I got Joe a donkey costume, and I got Stella cat ears. I just hope she doesn't chase herself.
Gloria: Ah, I get it, because she's a dog.
Jay: I also found out that princess Fiona is supposed to wear a tiara, so here you go. They had a whole bucket full of 'em.

Quote from Phil

Claire: Honey, I don't think that fits.
Phil: It fits in Awesomeland. It's a magic hat. I'm gonna have this bunny jumping out of it.
Claire: You gonna put some blood on it, maybe dangle an eyeball?
Phil: Who hurt you? I'm kidding. I know it's Jay and Dede.

Quote from Phil

Claire: [aside to camera] Our new neighbors, medical-marijuana retailer Ronnie and his wife, Amber, moved in two months ago, and-
Phil: It's been a week and a half.
Claire: Dear God. Really?
Phil: Yeah.

Quote from Claire

Haley: I'm meeting a friend for coffee.
Claire: No, you're not. No. You're helping me take this all down. Everything goes. Everything except the bunny. I have plans for the bunny.

Quote from Cameron

Debbie: And how are you two related?
Cameron: Uh, you know what, gay or straight, there's no wrong way to make a family, so...
Debbie: Okay, down, girl. I meant, how are your costumes related? It's a parent/child costume contest.

Quote from Cameron

Lily: I gave it to you, Daddy! I knew your costume was all wrong!
Cameron: O-okay, hey, don't panic. There's plenty of time before the parade. Is there another character in "where's Waldo?"
Lily: Wizard Whitebeard.
Cameron: Okay! Well, that'll be fun! I haven't gone out with a white beard since I took my cousin Sally to the prom. All right, I'll be back as soon as I can. Lily, explain Daddy's joke.

Quote from Alex

Claire: No. No! This doesn't look real at all. Alex, where's that blood you were using this morning on your finger?
Alex: Running through my veins, keeping me alive.

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