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‘Strangers on a Treadmill’ Quotes

Modern Family: Strangers on a Treadmill

204. Strangers on a Treadmill

Aired October 13, 2010

Mitchell and Claire hatch a plan for them to break uncomfortable news to each other's partner. Haley helps Alex act cool when a popular girl texts her. Meanwhile, Jay makes a fool of himself after Gloria encourages him to attend the quinceanera of his employee's daughter.

Quote from Gloria

Gloria: Manny's right. The quinceanera is very important in the Latin culture. The moment the father dances with his little princess. Ay. I remember my own father holding my hand. There wasn't a dry eye in the cartel.

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Quote from Gloria

Jay: But these people don't want me there. See, they're just being polite. I'm the boss.
Gloria: That's what you tell yourself so you can stay above them. You just throw them an Obama Steak and run to the golf course.

Quote from Haley

Alex: What are you doing? I was about to call Mackenzie?
Haley: Yeah, I know. Now shut up and let me help you. The world is divided into two groups: Cool girls and girls like you. And you have been given a rare opportunity to move from the former to the latter.
Alex: The latter to the former.
Haley: Whatever. Oh, my God, you're such a geek. Now, do you want to be smart, or do you want to be popular?

Quote from Phil

Phil: Good evening. I would not be here tonight if not for the hard work of the SCARB board of trustees...
[aside to camera:]
Phil: I didn't have my jokes. What choice does a guy have but to play it straight?
[back:]
Phil: The support of my family and Gil Thorpe's colon. [crowd laughs]
[aside to camera:]
Phil: But Phil Dunphy is no straight guy.

Quote from Claire

Claire: [aside to camera] Phil is gonna bomb. It's not that he's not fun. He is so fun. He's just not funny. It's probably my fault, because I laugh at all of his jokes. With my mouth. Not with my eyes.

Quote from Phil

Phil: "If you're looking for a two-story house, I'm your man. I'll tell you one story before you buy it and then another story after."
Luke: [laughs] No, you didn't.

Quote from Phil

Phil: [aside to camera] Tonight is the SCARB.
Claire: The Southern California Annual Realtor's Banquet.
Phil: I think they know what it is.
Claire: Mm-hmm.
Phil: It's the mother of all residential real estate banquets. Now, for the last five years Gil Thorpe has hosted but, as luck would have it he's having a sketchy-looking polyp removed so they've asked me to fill in. See what I did?
Claire: Oh, yeah.
Phil: Fill. You think I should open with that?
Claire: You betcha. You should.

Quote from Jay

Gloria: Do you even know these people, Jay? Hmm? Or they're just the backs you step on?
Jay: I know you like to make me out as an elitist but the truth is, I'm close with these people.
Gloria: Then prove it. Let's go to the party.
Jay: Fine. One hour. You drive. 'Cause I don't wanna give my valet ticket to the wrong guy, have you all over me.

Quote from Claire

Claire: Okay, can't you just run like a normal person?
Mitchell: What? It's troga.
Claire: It's what?
Mitchell: You never heard of troga?
Claire: I hate it when you do that.
Mitchell: What?
Claire: "You never heard of troga?" "You never tried octopus?" "You've never done this amazing thing I just discovered yesterday but I pretend like I've done my whole life?"
Mitchell: So troga is treadmill yoga. It's de rigueur.
Claire: It's de-dorky.

Quote from Haley

Haley: So who's Mackenzie?
Alex: You don't know her.
[aside to camera:]
Haley: Oh, I know Mackenzie. Cute, popular. I am Mackenzie. I invented Mackenzie. And the way she's making my sister run around... It's kinda funny, but I can't have it. It's bad for the family.

Quote from Luke

Mitchell: So have you given any thought to what you might say?
Phil: Actually, I'm trying not to think about my act right now. I'm kinda fighting the old butterflies, to be honest.
Mitchell: Oh, come on. That's normal.
Luke: I hear the Jonas Brothers get scared before every concert.
Phil: Not Kevin? The guy's a rock.
Luke: Especially Kevin.

Quote from Cameron

Cameron: You should probably just show yourself out. I hear some crying down the hallway.
Claire: Look at that- That's a good dad, because you've got a baby and you hear every little sound. I would've I wouldn't have even noticed crying.
[Cameron closes a door and starts to wail]

Quote from Jay

Jay: Gloria. Stop being such a snob. Come over and meet my friend Julio and his wife. I'm sorry. Your name again?
Woman: Que?
Jay: I think you're really gonna hit it off with Kay.

Quote from Cameron

Cameron: Listen, I know I can be touchy about this but you're this amazing-looking guy and-
Mitchell: I am not amazing- Uh, really?
Cameron: I wouldn't change anything. Oh.
Mitchell: You should know that every day I wake up very grateful to have you in my life. I'm the one who got lucky, handsome. Maybe I just don't show it enough.
Cameron: You can make it up to me by doing my shoulders.
Mitchell: Sure.
[Cameron turns around. Mitchell holds the razor and shaving foam up.]
Cameron: I meant a massage. What are you saying? Oh, Mitchell. Mitchell.

Quote from Jay

Jay: Thank you. Thank you. Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. Thank you very much. I'm gonna make this brief. I know a lot of you out there don't even know who I am. As my lovely wife, Gloria, pointed out, that's my fault, not yours. I'm Jay Pritchett- el jefe. [chuckles] Listen, on this very, very happy occasion I'd like to pick up the tab on the bar. [crowd applauds] Thank you. You know, when I started this company- [ballad starts] The first thing that I- What? Oh, right. Right. This is not about me. This is about a very special young lady and the man who loves her more than anyone else on earth. [Bride and groom start dancing] Isn't that lovely? That's a beautiful, beautiful thing. You know, I'm reminded of when I used to dance with my little girl. But not like that. Slow down there, muchacho. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. [crowd applaud] What? Are you applauding this? You're applauding this? I don't care what kind of tradition this is. This is gonna stop. Hey, hey, hey. No. What? Am I the only one seeing this?


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