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‘Under Pressure’ Quotes Page 1 of 3

Modern Family: Under Pressure

512. Under Pressure

Aired January 15, 2014

At a high school open house, Claire finds herself overwhelmed just thinking about all the pressure on Alex, Jay teaches Phil to break the rules some times, and Gloria encounters a competitive "mean girl" mom. Meanwhile, Mitchell gets defensive when he's confronted by his eco-warrior neighbor.

Quote from Cameron

Cameron: [aside to camera] There's a caste system at school: academic teachers at the top, gym teachers at the bottom. It's offensive and disrespectful. They treat us like we're lunch ladies.

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Quote from Alex

Dr. Clark: You mind if we try something?
Alex: What?
Dr. Clark: Just do me a favor. Take a deep breath. Great. Now what's on your mind?
Alex: Well, I just remembered that I forgot to charge my computer before I left and that I have to get new index cards before Monday. Hopefully they don't run out of the blue ones, because, for some reason, those help me study better. Maybe it's because they're easier to read or maybe my prescription's getting worse. I should probably make an appointment with the eye doctor. Also, should I get a job this summer or would an internship look better on my application? And what is up with Hillary? Is she going to run or not? I mean, I feel like she'd totally understand the feeling of being overwhelmed, but also like you're not doing enough at the same time.
Dr. Clark: Wow.

Quote from Claire

Claire: [aside to camera] With Luke and Haley, I'm on top of everything because they aren't. But Alex is so self-sufficient, I just sort of put it in cruise control. I've fallen asleep at the wheel, and now my little genius is covered in cake.

Quote from Alex

Dr. Clark: Well, uh, this is a process. You know, it takes some time. [Alex sighs] What- What are you thinking?
Alex: Nothing.
Dr. Clark: No, no. Go ahead. Tell me.
Alex: That maybe you're not up for this. I mean, no offense. You're just a lot older than you look on your website. Did you even have S.A.T.s when you were in High School or Asian kids?
Dr. Clark: Oh, no. No, no, no. But there were other things I worried about: Spanish inquisition, sailing off the edge of the world, learning how to understand fire.
Alex: Sorry.

Quote from Cameron

Phil: Okay, everybody. Cake time!
Alex: Thank God. I really have to study.
Claire: Oh, sweetheart, can't you just take a minute to enjoy it? It's your birthday. You put too much pressure on yourself.
Cameron: I remember my sweet 16. I wanted a theme party. "Moonstruck" had just come out, but I hadn't, so-
Alex: No stories, no time. S.A.T.s.

Quote from Phil

Alex: So, about my meltdown.
Phil: Who?
Claire: What meltdown?
Alex: I want to see a therapist. I did some research. Dr. Gregory Clark -- highly recommended, specializes in teenagers, and is covered by our insurance. I booked a double session with him today. And since you guys have the open house, I will be taking the bus.
Claire: Okay.
Phil: That sounds good. She's like a self-cleaning oven.

Quote from Jay

Gloria: I want to impress Manny's history teacher. I want Manny to go to Washington, D.C.
Manny: Yeah, junior congress. Only one kid in the whole grade gets picked to go. I think I can make a difference.
Jay: Regular congress can't even make a difference.

Quote from Jay

Jay: Hey, Phil. Where's Claire?
Phil: Oh, she's going to Alex's classes. I'm doing Luke's. I'm surprised to see you here. Isn't your team playing today?
Jay: Yeah. Gloria made me come. I think I'm recording the game, but, you know, you can never know. The last time, I got six hours of Bravo.

Quote from Luke

Luke: You've got to switch with me.
Manny: What? No, we can't do that.
Luke: They're twins. They'll never notice.
Manny: You realize we're not twins, right?

Quote from Mitchell

Mitchell: Hey, quick, turn off your car.
Haley: Why? It's in park, I think.
Mitchell: I have a judgey green neighbor. He had the nerve to come over here and tell me that I'm not green enough.
Haley: Shut up! You're super-green.
Mitchell: Thank you. I'm- I'm recycling a dollhouse. I even recycled a child.

Quote from Haley

Haley: You know what you should do? March right over there and wave that trophy in his stupid eco face.
Mitchell: No. You think?
Haley: Yes. Those people are so annoying. There's this girl at my school who was all over me about my boots 'cause they're leather. Meanwhile, she's wearing crocs, like those aren't endangered.

Quote from Lily

Mitchell: All right, those are blowing into his yard. That is- Okay, that's definitely gonna hurt my case. [to Haley] Uh, you pick these up. I'm gonna go get the trophy. Lily, help her.
Lily: I heard that "recycled child" comment.

Quote from Jay

Phil: Thanks to your little flask, now the teacher thinks I'm a burnout.
Jay: Football game. Football game!
Phil: What are you doing?
Jay: You can do this now. I saw it in a commercial.
Phil: Not with that phone. You might as well say it into your wallet.

Quote from Alex

Dr. Clark: So, your siblings, they don't experience the same pressures you do.
Alex: Oh, God, no. They don't care about school.
Dr. Clark: Hmm. Why do you think that is? I mean, you all grew up in the same house with the same parents, yet you're the only one who feels this enormous pressure to achieve at such a high level.
Alex: Why do we even have to talk about my family? They don't have anything to do with this. They don't get me.
Dr. Clark: How's that feel?
Alex: I don't know.
Dr. Clark: You're a smart girl. Try a little harder.
Alex: I said I don't know. [sighs] I feel... Kind of alone.

Quote from Alex

Haley: Whoa. You're being a little-
Alex: Obstreperous?! Recalcitrant?! Truculent?!
Haley: I was gonna say "cray-cray."
Claire: Alex, sweet-
Alex: I really need to focus! There is a 16-year-old science prodigy studying cancer research at Johns Hopkins! Sixteen! What am I doing? I'm eating cake! Cake! Cake! Cake!

Quote from Luke

Claire: Alex might be a little bit fragile after last night, so let's try to be sensitive.
Haley: Oh, believe me, I am going to be nothing but nice to Alex from now on. If she snaps and goes on a rampage, who do you think she's coming for first?
Claire: She's not going on a rampage.
Phil: I bet she'd let me live. She likes me.
Luke: I'm just gonna say it. I never trusted her.

Quote from Haley

Haley: [to Alex] Hi, pretty girl.
Claire: How'd you sleep?
Alex: Fine.
Haley: Your hair looks super-soft, Al. And is that a great new sweater? Love!
Alex: Dad, can you hand me the butter knife?
All: No!

Quote from Cameron

Cameron: Check it out. I'm rockin' the old school for the open house today. I'm gonna put the "fizz" back in "phys ed."

Quote from Mitchell

Asher: Um, I just wanted to let you know, I think there might be something wrong with your air conditioner.
Mitchell: Oh, really?
Asher: Yeah, I mean, it just seems to be running a lot, even when it's, uh, kind of cool outside.
Mitchell: Oh. No, no. Um, my partner runs a little hot.
Asher: Not as hot as our planet. Sorry. I don't mean to be that guy. It's just, um, we're all in this together.
Mitchell: Yeah, I drive a Prius, so...
Asher: And that's a nice little gesture. My car runs on reclaimed cooking oil. I have some literature, if you want it.
Mitchell: That's okay. Save the paper.
Asher: I haven't printed anything since 2004. I was gonna e-mail you.
Mitchell: On your power-hungry computer?
Asher: My entire house is solar-powered. I sell energy back to the grid and use that money to save polar bears.
Mitchell: I'm an environmental lawyer, so, you know, I'm pretty green.
Asher: Mm. So is your lawn.
Mitchell: I went drought-tolerant: succulents, indigenous plants, rock garden.
Lily: My other daddy says your yard looks like a litter box.
Asher: She's a cute kid. I remember when she was in disposable diapers.

Quote from Manny

Gloria: Are you ready?
Jay: Yeah. Why do you look like that when I look like this?
Manny: My friends say it's because of your money.

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