Quote from Rachel Green in Friends episode The One with Monica and Chandler's Wedding (Part 2)
Rachel: The nights are the hardest. But then the day comes and that's every bit as hard as the night. And then the night comes again...
Monica: The days and nights are hard, I get it. Look, Rachel, I'm sorry. I have to start getting ready. I'm getting married today.
Rachel: I know. At dusk. That's such a hard time for me.
DeAngelo: I would like to start by just saying that I have not worked with Mr. Andy Bernard here for very long. But I can say that he is no Michael Scott. I can't sit here and tell you that he's gonna be a success. Uh, I can't sit here and tell you that he's even the best man for the job. But I can say this. He's got potential. Sure. You know, I always say, "go big or go home." You go with this guy, you could be making the biggest mistake of your life. Or the biggest good decision of your life. It's either gonna be the best thing you ever did, or the worst thing you ever did. If you want some boring, white bread clock-watcher, who's gonna get you your paper when you ordered it for the agreed-upon price, Andy's not your guy. You ever play Russian roulette? Time to spin the chamber, Boris. By signing up for another year.
Alexis: David, I just- I miss my life! And I miss doing things. And I miss being surrounded by loose acquaintances who think that I'm funny, and smart, and charming. Will you? Just a few people. Please. You can't tell me that you don't wanna hang out with people other than me.
Klair: So like, she's telling me that she's going to Mexico, and I'm like, if you're not going to Tulum, then like where the hell are you even going? You know what I'm saying?
Alexis: So where is she going?
Klair: Ugh, god. Cabo.
Alexis: Oh my god, poor thing.
Monica: So your first whole weekend without Ben, what are you guys going to doing?
Carol: We're going down to colonial Williamsburg.
Susan: Yeah, a woman I went to college just became the first female blacksmith down there.
Ross: Well, you know, they're a little behind the times in colonial Williamsburg.
Dorothy: Ma got a letter from Gina Marie Donatelli. Her cousin Joe is hanging new wallpaper in Tony Bennett's guest bathroom.
Rose: Oh, I love Tony Bennett.
Blanche: Oh, so do I. He was always so sweet to me.
Dorothy: Blanche, you dated Tony Bennett?
Blanche: Honey, I did more than date him. He may have left his heart in San Francisco, but he left his shorts on my radiator.
Rose: You're kidding.
Blanche: Hell, no. Picture this...
Alexis: Excuse me, this has nothing to do with the fact that I'm single. The singles market is very lucrative. Did you know, that there's a small town in Ireland that hosts a singles week every year, and it's become so popular, that they're able to subsidize their entirely yearly budget, just on profits?
Moira: It's a valiant first effort, Alexis, it is. But darling, do keep those wheels turning! As the Irish like to say, [Irish accent] it's a cinch to mash the Murphy where there's love.
Gabe: Well, this is embarrassing. Um, I'm obviously really angry at Erin. It's that quarter life crisis everyone's talking about. Alright, I'm gonna go. [Dwight plays cricket noises]
Chandler: Monica and I are celebrating our 10-month anniversary. Got reservations at Jean-George.
Ross: Wow. How'd you get in there?
Chandler: Well, made a few calls, pulled some strings ... and they agreed to seat us at 11:30 if we both have chicken and didn't get dessert.
Niles: I gave Maris her birthday saddle. She was so thrilled she treated me to a little Lady Godiva impression.
Frasier: Oh, my.
Niles: Apparently, the oils in the saddle reacted badly with her cellulite cream and created a powerful epoxy.
Frasier: Oh, dear.
Niles: Yes, it took an hour and a full bottle of nail polish remover to get her free. Today, her poor little thighs were so sore the only way she could find comfort was to straddle a frozen butterball turkey.
Blanche: Oh, hi! I didn't expect to see you girls up so late.
Rose: I'm just having a snack. Dorothy's the one having an affair at a motel.
Dorothy: Thank you, Rose.
Rose: I just want to keep the record straight. Besides, Blanche has had experience in that area. Maybe she can give you some advice.
Blanche: Oh, I certainly can. In the first place, never check in as Mr. and Mrs. Smith. Always check in as Mr.
and Mrs. Don Shula.
Blanche: That way, you always get a complimentary fruit basket and a bottle of champagne.
Dorothy: What a night. Doesn't it feel as though we just woke from a dream? You know, it really has been like Shakespeare, with magic and moonlight and the wrong people falling in love. I mean, what does Puck say in the last speech from A Midsummer Night's Dream? "If we shadows have offended, Think but this, and all is mended, That you have but slumbered here While these visions did appear. And this weak and idle theme, No more yielding but a dream"
Sophia: Well, pardon me while I play the grand piano.
Chandler: Where you going, Joe?
Joey: For a walk.
Chandler: You mind if I join you?
Joey: Actually, I'd rather be alone. You know, I really need to organize my thoughts.
Chandler: Your thoughts? Plural?
Joey: All right, fine. I only have one thought. It's about the hot nanny. I gotta see her.
David: Um, Alexis, do you mind telling your phone to fuck off?
Dorothy: Uh, Rose, listen, we have something to tell you.
Rose: This is amazing, this is so amazing. To think I'm giving a press conference and next week we all go to Moscow. Can you believe it, Dorothy?
Dorothy: No, but then again, I can't believe that God wanted Jerry Falwell to go down that water slide in a cheap suit.
Dwight K. Schrute: Acceptable names include and are limited to: Ebenezer.
Dwight K. Schrute: Jonas.
Dwight K. Schrute: Warf.
Angela: No Star Trek names.
Dwight K. Schrute: Okay. Fine.
Angela: What if it's a girl?
Dwight K. Schrute: Irrelevant question. Section 5A, child shall be male.
Angela: Hey. Uh-uh. I cannot control that. You can't put that in here.
Dwight K. Schrute: Yes you can.
Dwight K. Schrute: It's as simple as keeping the womb extremely warm for two days after sex, and then extremely cold for five months.
Angela: Absolutely not.
Monica: So now I'm not allowed to fire him?
Phoebe: You can't fire him and dump him in the same day, he'll kill himself.
Monica: Well then, I'll fire him today and you go out with him for another week.
Phoebe: Are you kidding? Another week with that simp, I'll kill myself.
Ryan: Psychiatrists tend to be more crazy than their patients. Therapists are whores. Psychiatry is a narcissism machine. I learn more from Dr. Seuss than from Dr. Freud. Earth: you don't have to be crazy to live here, but it helps. I don't know. Just use the best one.
Rachel: Oh, you guys are so lucky you're here with people. You know, it's just such a romantic place. I just wish I could share it with a guy.
Phoebe: Not Joey.
Rachel: Not Joey. No. I was just lusting after Chandler.
Monica: Yeah, right.
Blanche: Wish me luck.
Dorothy: Wait. Blanche, why should you do it?
Blanche: Because we'll have a better chance. I happen to be a wonderful orator. And two of the commissioners can verify that.
Dorothy: Blanche, "orator" means "speaker".
Blanche: Really? Oh. Well, somebody else do the talking.