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‘Disneyland’ Quotes Page 1 of 4

Modern Family: Disneyland

322. Disneyland

Aired May 9, 2012

When the whole Pritchett clan visit Disneyland, Phil struggles to keep up with Luke, Claire tries to set Haley up with a young man, Jay and Gloria disagree about her choice of shoes, and Mitchell and Cameron try to keep Lily from running off.

Quote from Manny

Manny: [aside to camera] We're doing a stock market project in school, and today's the last day. We all get a thousand fake dollars to invest, and as the market closed yesterday, I'm in the lead. I may not be the tallest or the most athletic, but someday I will be the richest. Which is good because the ladies love that, and I've grown accustomed to a certain lifestyle.

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Quote from Jay

Jay: [aside to camera] When Claire and Mitchell were young, their mom and I were gonna take them to Disneyland. But that morning, Dede and I got in this huge fight over something or other - surprise, surprise - and I ended up taking them on my own. Claire's biggest fear was running into the evil queen. My biggest fear was that I married her.

Quote from Mitchell

Mitchell: Okay, everybody's looking at us. I haven't been judged by this many people since I forgot my canvas bags at Whole Foods.

Quote from Phil

Alex: Okay, what is this?
Luke: We're making sure I'm tall enough to ride all the rides at Disneyland. Without having to spike up my hair.
Phil: Buddy, we are good to go.
Luke: Sweet!
Phil: I have been waiting for this day ever since the doctor pointed to the ultrasound of your mom's womb and said, "Either that's a fifth limb, or..."

Quote from Jay

Mitchell: You know, I haven't been here since dad brought us when we were kids.
Claire: Oh, yeah. Remember? You cried in the Abraham Lincoln thing.
Jay: Hey, he's a great president, and it was the first robot I ever saw.

Quote from Manny

Manny: Look, Reuben, I have some underperfming stocks I have to unload, and I don't have access to a computer. Log in as moneydelgado-
Gloria: Manny!
Manny: By all means, Reuben, go get a popsicle while the Nikkei closes. I wanna be a pauper. Mom, my stocks just took a dive.
Gloria: Your phone is about to take a dive.

Quote from Jay

Jay: [aside to camera] You know what the fight with Dede was about? I taped a football game over an episode of "Dallas." Who bails on a family trip to Disneyland over something like that? Ironically, Dallas was playing in the game. And I remember pointing that out to her, and then I remember a video cassette flying at my head.

Quote from Cameron

Cameron: You know, I don't care what people think. If I thought it would keep my daughter safe, I would have a kangaroo pouch sewn into my midriff.

Quote from Cameron

Mitchell: That's gonna work out really well for you as a single parent. Okay, we just got a glare from Mr. Socks-with-sandals. All right, that's it. Lily, I'm gonna take off this leash.
Cameron: I think it's a mistake.
Mitchell: But I don't want you to run away, 'cause that would be very, very unsafe, and if we lost you, you'd be very scared, and we'd be very sad. Okay?
Lily: Okay.
Mitchell: All right. See, Cam? You treat her like a human being and she acts like one.
Lily: Chip 'n Dale!
Cameron: Oh, great. Now she's chasing squirrels.

Quote from Manny

Manny: Reuben, if you heard about that stock at a birthday party, it's already too late.

Quote from Claire

Claire: All I'm saying is, it seemed like you were pretty into Ethan until Dylan showed up.
Haley: Don't get me wrong. Ethan's nice, but he's no Dylan.
Claire: Maybe that's a good thing?
Haley: Why? Because Dylan's a free spirit? He's too edgy for you? He plays by his own rules?
Claire: Oh, my God.
Haley: What?
Claire: I beg of you to turn around and experience with me the greatest moment of my life. Your rebel boyfriend's a Dapper Dan.

Quote from Jay

Jay: [aside to camera] I remember I was on Pirates of the Caribbean, and this whole fight with Dede was really eating at me. And there was this angry animatronic wench with a rolling pin, chasing some poor pirate around. They were on a track, running in circles, so he could never get away from her. And I remember thinking, I can't save you, buddy, but I'm getting off this ride.

Quote from Luke

Luke: Dad, we can always find cool stuff to do. Even if you're old and in a wheelchair, I'll take you to the mall and push you as fast as you wanna go.
Phil: Really? You'd do that?
Luke: Heck, yeah. And we'll pop some wheelies, too.
Phil: That sounds fun.
Luke: And I'll take you to the top of a huge hill and just let go.
Phil: Okay, we'll nail down the specifics later, but that that's really nice.

Quote from Mitchell

Mitchell: [on the phone] Hey, Cam, I got her. We're in Fantasyland. Where are you? Okay, it's Toontown, not Toonton. You've been watching too much PBS. [hangs up] Thank you. All right, honey, come here. [leashes Lily]
Lily: I don't like this thing.
Mitchell: Yeah? Well, I don't like running like a crazy person through Downton Disney- Downtown Disney.

Quote from Manny

Gloria: Manny, you don't sound very happy for a kid that is flying an elephant.
Manny: I lost to Durkas. It's not fair. He wanted to buy IBM because he thought it was funny to say.
Gloria: Well, I'm glad that you lost. Fake money has changed you. Where is the Manny that used to stop to smell the roses?
Manny: He took a bath on a solar start-up in San Jose.

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