Previous Episode Next Episode 

‘Connection Lost’ Quotes

Modern Family: Connection Lost

616. Connection Lost

Aired February 25, 2015

When her flight is delayed at the airport, Claire is in contact with the entire family through FaceTime as she struggles to reach Haley.

Quote from Phil

Phil: [answering FaceTime] What's the best first-person shooter about genetically-modified space marines? Halo!

Rate

Quote from Haley

Haley: Married! Why would I get married?
Phil: Because you're pregnant with Andy's baby!
Haley: What? Why would you think that?
Claire: [on FaceTime] Oh. Because you changed your Facebook status to "married." Then we tracked your cell phone to a wedding chapel in Vegas.
Phil: And you ordered this book.
Haley: Wow. First of all, it's called privacy. Google it.

Quote from Claire

Claire: [on FaceTime] I can't believe she's pregnant.
Phil: Let's not jump to any conclusions.
Claire: Jump? Let's review. She's been moody, eating weird food, getting nauseous. She left in the middle of the night for a wedding chapel in Vegas with her secret love and most suspicious of all she bought a book!

Quote from Jay

Jay: Fly safe. And remember, you can recline. It's still America up there.

Quote from Phil

Phil: [on FaceTime] What if you're right? What do we do?
Claire: I don't know.
Phil: I'll kill that Andy. How could he be so irresponsible? I mean, he's a good kid. But to run off with my baby girl after I fell for his "Aw, shucks" act! Which is probably not an act because he's genuinely nice and he thinks "shucks" is the "S" word. Still, I want to kill him! But that would be robbing my grandchild of probably a really great father! Damn you, Andy Bailey!
Claire: His last name is Bailey?
Phil: Oh, my God. She's gonna be Haley Bailey.

Quote from Jay

Jay: [answering FaceTime] Hello. Can you see me?
Claire: Thumb, Dad.
Jay: [groans] The minute they got rid of rotary phones everything went to hell.

Quote from Phil

Claire: [on FaceTime] I can't get in touch with Haley. I haven't talked to her since we got in that fight. She around?
Phil: I think she slept at a friend's house.
Claire: What friend?
Phil: Um... Not a normal name, starts with a vowel, possibly foreign.
Claire: Oh, maybe Alex knows. Is she home?
Phil: Nope. I have not seen her for hours. Does Haley know an Arjibarge?

Quote from Cameron

Cameron: [on FaceTime] Hey, Claire, did you get me some Garrett's cheese and caramel corn yet?
Claire: Oh, shoot. I forgot.
Cameron: It's the one thing you had to do in Chicago!
Claire: You are so right. I'm sorry that I let myself get distracted by my job.
Cameron: Okay, I'm looking for sweet and salty, Claire, not bitter.

Quote from Cameron

Claire: [on FaceTime] Guys, listen, yesterday did Haley mention where she was gonna go after she babysat for Lily?
Mitchell: No, but when you do talk to her, can you tell her to be careful with my powder blue suit that Cam let her borrow without asking me?
Claire: Why did she want a suit?
Cameron: A friend of hers needs it for a wedding, and Mitchell needs to stop dressing like he's in a barbershop quartet.

Quote from Alex

Claire: [on FaceTime] Can you just do me a favor and call your sister?
Alex: [snickers] If she's screening, I'm not making the cut. Why don't you just snoop on her Facebook page with your fake profile?
Claire: I don't have a fake profile.
Alex: Mom, save it. Brody Kendall just logged in. That trick might have worked on Haley, but I know that's a picture of Chachi.

Quote from Alex

Claire: [on Facetime] Dylan, focus!
Dylan: I don't know where she is, but I can sense that she's okay. It's like we share the same brain.
Alex: Who has it now?

Quote from Alex

Alex: Mom's trying to guess Haley's iCloud password which personally, I think is an invasion of her privacy. [on FaceTime] Ooh. Try "password."
Claire: I'm kind of glad that didn't work.
Phil: Wait, I think I remember telling her to use something that people wouldn't know about her - like her favorite literary character.
Claire: I'm in!
Alex: What? What was it?
Claire: Snoopy.
Alex: Wow. And that could be your new nickname.

Quote from Phil

Phil: [answering FaceTime] I know we're not there yet, but I've been researching annulments.
Claire: Oh, we are there because you let our child get a Mohawk!
Phil: Sweet. We, uh, had a bet.
Claire: You let him get a Mohawk because he won a bet?
Phil: No, he lost a bet.
Claire: What? Phil!
Phil: You'd rather I had a Mohawk? I have a career.

Quote from Jay

Jay: [on FaceTime] What's going on? Did you find her?
Claire: No, Dad! No. I haven't found her. And you know what? This is all your fault because you two introduced this horny stranger into our lives.
Jay: Let me get this straight. You're mad because your daughter got knocked up and ran off with some goofy guy to get married behind your back. I can't even imagine what that must feel like.
Claire: Really? Now?
Jay: I can't think of a better time.
Gloria: Jay, stop kicking her while she's down pointing out her mistakes at the same time the whole universe is telling her that she's a terrible mother!

Quote from Jay

Claire: [on FaceTime] Dad, I'm really sorry that I eloped. You were a great dad and you should have been there to walk me down the aisle. And- And I've never apologized for taking that away from you.
Jay: Well, we got to do that thing in Hawaii, and that was nice.
Claire: Yeah. Guess what goes around comes around, huh?
Jay: Look. You're in the eye of the tornado right now and you can't see anything but your life swirling around you. But Andy's a good guy, just like Phil and years from now you might look back on this and think "The best thing that could've happened was that dipstick knocking up my daughter."
Claire: [laughs]
Phil: Aw. That's so sweet.
Jay: [groans] Was he listening?
Claire: Yeah
Phil: This dipstick loves you too, Jay!
Jay: I take it all back!


 Episode 615 Episode 617 
  Select another episode