1014. We Need to Talk About Lily
Aired January 30, 2019
After an exhaustive search, Phil thinks he's finally found a house that Pepper is happy with, if he can just bring himself to sign on the dotted line. Jay is worried when Stella needs surgery. Meanwhile, Mitchell and Cameron try to get closer to Lily by getting tickets to meet a famous vlogger.
Quote from Lily
Cameron: Okay, we gave you every tween girl's dream day, and... and you can barely crack a smile.
Lily: It's not my dream day. It's yours. I'm not the same kind of tween girl you guys are.
Cameron: But we love all the same things.
Lily: I've changed. I don't like Beyoncé.
Mitchell: You take that back!
Lily: Or Britney.
Lily: Or Gaga.
Lily: I only fake it 'cause you guys like that stuff. I'm different.
Quote from Phil
Claire: Please, just be home in time. I don't want to crush a man's dreams on my own. You have to do it with me.
Phil: Who knows? We might love his invention.
Claire: It's gonna be stupid.
Phil: Good thing you weren't married to George Foreman or we'd still be grilling our meats one side at a time.
Quote from Gloria
Jay: The vet called. Stella's test results came back. He wants me to bring her in... today.
Manny: Oh, no. Come here, you.
Gloria: Oh, Jay, I'm so sorry. That is the bad thing about loving animals, right? But think about all the wonderful things you gave her, like a beautiful home, delicious food... our marital bed. I'm sorry, Jay, Stella will not be forgotten.
Jay: I'm not putting her down, you goblin. She needs a surgery.
Gloria: Oh. That is such great news.
Quote from Phil
Claire: Honey, even Mitch and Cam agree that he's impossible, and he's never gonna buy a house.
Phil: Yes, he will.
Claire: No. He always manages to find something wrong. The last house, the yoga room was too close to the panic room.
Phil: He was willing to live with that, but the property wasn't zoned for his falcons. This one today, though, checks every single box.
Quote from Pepper
Pepper: Oh, it's fabulous, Phil. Mother would love it. It's her generosity and my power of attorney that are making this purchase possible.
Quote from Jay
Jay: I can't wait to get to the park. Hey, there's our mailman. Hey! Hey!
Gloria: Settle down, Jay.
Jay: Boy, I'm itchy today. Hey, I hope that dog Bingo's at the park. He's fun to play with. What are you doing? You just missed our turn.
Gloria: I'm just going another way.
Jay: There is no other way. You're not taking us to the park. We're going to the vet.
Gloria: The doctor said that she needs this surgery. She's gonna be fine.
Jay: I feel sick. I need some air. [sticks head out the window]
Quote from Cameron
Mitchell: We got to get KimmyLoveandStuff to say hi to Lily.
Cameron: [gasps] Well, there's her dog, Boo, so she's nearby.
Mitchell: Okay, I just got a really sketchy but great idea. Um, did you pack your jerky?
Cameron: Turkey, beef, or salmon?
Mitchell: Here's what we're gonna do.
Cameron: Oh, please. This is not the first time I've lured an animal away from its owner with my purse jerky.
Quote from Mitchell
Mitchell: Well, honey, is it... is that why you've been feeling so down, because you... you feel different than us?
Lily: I don't know. I guess I feel different than a lot of people.
Cameron: Well, sweetie, that is one thing your dad and I can relate to.
Mitchell: I guess, well, that's the great thing about having two gay dads. We... We know what it feels like to be an outsider. Okay, but here's what happens. You start finding people who don't quite fit in, and you start not fitting in together. We never want you to feel like you have to be someone else for us.
Quote from Jay
Jay: [aside to camera] By the time we got through to the vet, the surgery was over.
Gloria: And Stella was fine.
Jay: I just have to say Gloria really stepped up and nursed my baby back to health. Only one problem.
Gloria: Stella choose me now.
Jay: It's not real. You give her pain meds. It's like she's sucking up to her dealer.