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Virgin Territory

‘Virgin Territory’

Season 3, Episode 16 -  Aired February 22, 2012

Mitchell mars one of Jay's produest golf memories, Phil learns something about Haley, and Gloria wonders why Claire doesn't want to spend time with her.

Quote from Cameron

Cameron: Do you think it would be offensive if I asked our daughter to walk on my back?
Phil: I'd say so. I just offered to give you a massage.


Quote from Haley

Haley: What were you thinking saying that in front of him?
Alex: I'm sorry. It slipped out. Besides, I figured he knew. Mom knows.
Haley: Only because she dragged it out of Dylan. And she promised not to tell dad until I left for college, which means he might have never found out.

Quote from Gloria

Phil: Let me buy Lily a new doll. It's my fault Cam fell.
Mitchell: No, no need. Uh, the My Sweet Companion store actually has a hospital with an on-call doctor.
Phil: Well, I can go. I'm taking the girls to the mall anyway.
Mitchell: Oh, that'd be great.
Cameron: Yeah. And don't worry. She has medical insurance.
Mitchell: Yeah, and I think we've met our deductible for the year, so you should be good.
Cameron: Yeah.
Gloria: Do you know what a doll is in my village? An apple on a fork!

Quote from Haley

Phil: This repair's probably gonna take a little while. Why don't you run up to the food court and grab us a table? I'll get Alex and Lily.
Haley: Okay. Do you want the counter or a booth?
Phil: Whatever seems right to you. I trust you. [Phil hugs Haley]
[aside to camera:]
Haley: I have a cool dad.

Quote from Cameron

Cameron: Claire, did you ever find that tupperware I lent you?
Claire: Sweetie, for the hundredth time, I gave it back to you, remember?
Cameron: I remember you telling me a hundred times, yet my pea soup is in baggies.

Quote from Lily

Jay: Don't sweat it, Cam. I forget things all the time. Like I can never remember the name of that weather guy that I liked. Uh, Thunder something. Stormy... Flash Stormy? Ah, whatever the hell it is. I don't know.
Gloria: Mm, just eat your eggs, Jay.
Lily: Yeah, just eat your eggs, Jay.
Cameron: Grandpa got told!

Quote from Jay

Jay: And I should remember his name, too, because your mom and I got in a big fight over him. She was using the convertible, and I told her, "Put the top up because it's supposed to rain tonight, according to" P-p-p- Partly McCloudy? Whatever the hell his name is. Anyway, she didn't. It ruined the car.

Quote from Phil

Cameron: Oh! My back! Ooh! My back!
Phil: Can I give you a Swedish massage, accent optional?

Quote from Gloria

Lily: Oh, no! You broke Beatrice. Now she can't feed the dolphins.
Gloria: What is she talking about?
Mitchell: Oh, it's a "My Sweet Companion" doll. They all have these elaborate backstories. Beatrice works with blind dolphins and models.
Gloria: [gasps] There are blind models? That's so sad. They cannot see how pretty they are.

Quote from Alex

Phil: Okay! Okay! We're gonna have to settle this dispute in court. The food court. The honorable Judge Cinnabon presiding.
Haley: The food court? That place smells like the inside of Luke's bicycle helmet.
Alex: I like the food court.
Lily: Me, too.
Phil: Don't worry, girls. We're not gonna deprive ourselves just 'cause of Haley's aversion-
Alex: [laughing]
Alex: Oh. Oh, Haley's "aversion." I thought you said... Never mind.

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