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‘Virgin Territory’ Quotes

Modern Family: Virgin Territory

316. Virgin Territory

Aired February 22, 2012

Mitchell mars one of Jay's produest golf memories, Phil learns something about Haley, and Gloria wonders why Claire doesn't want to spend time with her.

Quote from Cameron

Cameron: Do you think it would be offensive if I asked our daughter to walk on my back?
Phil: I'd say so. I just offered to give you a massage.

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Quote from Haley

Haley: What were you thinking saying that in front of him?
Alex: I'm sorry. It slipped out. Besides, I figured he knew. Mom knows.
Haley: Only because she dragged it out of Dylan. And she promised not to tell dad until I left for college, which means he might have never found out.

Quote from Gloria

Phil: Let me buy Lily a new doll. It's my fault Cam fell.
Mitchell: No, no need. Uh, the My Sweet Companion store actually has a hospital with an on-call doctor.
Phil: Well, I can go. I'm taking the girls to the mall anyway.
Mitchell: Oh, that'd be great.
Cameron: Yeah. And don't worry. She has medical insurance.
Mitchell: Yeah, and I think we've met our deductible for the year, so you should be good.
Cameron: Yeah.
Gloria: Do you know what a doll is in my village? An apple on a fork!

Quote from Haley

Phil: This repair's probably gonna take a little while. Why don't you run up to the food court and grab us a table? I'll get Alex and Lily.
Haley: Okay. Do you want the counter or a booth?
Phil: Whatever seems right to you. I trust you. [Phil hugs Haley]
[aside to camera:]
Haley: I have a cool dad.

Quote from Cameron

Cameron: Claire, did you ever find that tupperware I lent you?
Claire: Sweetie, for the hundredth time, I gave it back to you, remember?
Cameron: I remember you telling me a hundred times, yet my pea soup is in baggies.

Quote from Lily

Jay: Don't sweat it, Cam. I forget things all the time. Like I can never remember the name of that weather guy that I liked. Uh, Thunder something. Stormy... Flash Stormy? Ah, whatever the hell it is. I don't know.
Gloria: Mm, just eat your eggs, Jay.
Lily: Yeah, just eat your eggs, Jay.
Cameron: Grandpa got told!

Quote from Jay

Jay: And I should remember his name, too, because your mom and I got in a big fight over him. She was using the convertible, and I told her, "Put the top up because it's supposed to rain tonight, according to" P-p-p- Partly McCloudy? Whatever the hell his name is. Anyway, she didn't. It ruined the car.

Quote from Phil

Cameron: Oh! My back! Ooh! My back!
Phil: Can I give you a Swedish massage, accent optional?

Quote from Gloria

Lily: Oh, no! You broke Beatrice. Now she can't feed the dolphins.
Gloria: What is she talking about?
Mitchell: Oh, it's a "My Sweet Companion" doll. They all have these elaborate backstories. Beatrice works with blind dolphins and models.
Gloria: [gasps] There are blind models? That's so sad. They cannot see how pretty they are.

Quote from Alex

Phil: Okay! Okay! We're gonna have to settle this dispute in court. The food court. The honorable Judge Cinnabon presiding.
Haley: The food court? That place smells like the inside of Luke's bicycle helmet.
Alex: I like the food court.
Lily: Me, too.
Phil: Don't worry, girls. We're not gonna deprive ourselves just 'cause of Haley's aversion-
Alex: [laughing]
Alex: Oh. Oh, Haley's "aversion." I thought you said... Never mind.

Quote from Cameron

Cameron: [aside to camera] I knew for a fact Claire never returned my tupperware, I just needed a few minutes alone to find it. And when I did, I'd never have to hear them snicker again, "Oh, silly Cam" or "forgetful Cam," because revenge is a dish best served cold. And even better, two days later out of 24-ounce microwave-friendly burp-sealed Pak-N-Stor.

Quote from Luke

Cameron: I thought you were going to see your friend Miranda.
Luke: This one chickened out. For someone who says he likes girls so much, he sure is afraid of them.
Manny: It's a dance, Luke.
Luke: Chicken dance.
Cameron: Well, since you're back, what if I give you 20 bucks, and you guys go wash my car?
Luke: Is that 20 bucks for each of us, or both of us?
Cameron: Both.
Luke: That's what I thought.

Quote from Phil

Dr. Goodall: So I've completed the examination, she did really well.
Phil: What's the prognosis?
Dr. Goodall: We can fix most of her arm, but she'll never regain full mobility in her shoulder joint, because they don't make that part anymore.
Haley: Well, that's pretty good, right? I mean, she'll look exactly the same. No one will know.
Phil: I'll know.
Dr. Goodall: Uh-
Phil: I'm just saying I liked her the way she was. She was such a sweet little doll. I'm sorry, doctor. I'm having trouble adjusting to all this.
Haley: Uh, dad, she's still a sweet little doll.
Phil: No, she's broken.
Haley: No, she's just changed a little. It happens. Dolls grow up.
Dr. Goodall: Well, actually...
Haley: Uh, could you...?
Dr. Goodall: Yeah. Sure. I actually have to go give a little girl some pretty bad news.

Quote from Luke

Manny: That was amazing! Did you see the look on Miranda's face?
Luke: No. But you did good, Thelma.
Manny: Please stop calling me that. I hate that movie.
Luke: What movie?

Quote from Jay

Mitchell: I just want you to know I get why you're upset, okay? That- That day you got the hole-in-one, it meant a lot to you. And I I marred it. But it meant a lot to me, too. We had a steak dinner, you gave me my first beer, and, uh, it was one of the greatest days we ever spent together. And it wasn't about some meaningless hole-in-one, it was about us.
Jay: No. It was about a hole-in-one.
Mitchell: Yes. Yes. A-a little bit, maybe. But mostly, it was about how we bonded.
Jay: I thought I hit a ball straight from the tee really, really far into a tiny hole.
Mitchell: Okay. Well, when will I learn?
Jay: And it wasn't your first beer, anyway.
Mitchell: Yes, it was, dad, but I wouldn't expect you to remember.
Jay: It was your 14th birthday. You asked me for a sip of mine. Your mom yelled at you in front of all your friends, said you were just a baby. You ran outside in tears, which, unfortunately, supported your mom's argument. Anyway, I came out with a couple of beers. We drank 'em on the porch watching the storm clouds coming in.


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