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‘A Stereotypical Day’ Quotes Page 1 of 6

Modern Family: A Stereotypical Day

802. A Stereotypical Day

Aired September 28, 2016

Jay worries about giving the African-American family across the street the wrong impression when he installs security cameras the same day they move in. Following his trip to Mexico, Manny has taken up the cause of communism to impress a girl. At the Pritchett house, Alex is home with a case of mono but her family members are all using her illness to their advantage. Meanwhile, Mitchell and Cameron worry they've not set the best example of tolerance and understanding for Lily after they hear her insulting a new friend.

Quote from Jay

Jay: All right. Listen, you guys need anything, let me know.
Shawn: You got it. I'm Shawn, by the way.
Jay: Jay Pritchett.
Gloria: Jay.
Jay: It's okay, Gloria. All handled. This is my wife, Gloria. This is Shawn - and I want to get this right, beautiful African name - Shawn M'badawe.
Shawn: I said, "By the way."
Jay: Ah.

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Quote from Cameron

Mitchell: Look, it was wrong of you to be mean to Tom, okay? Even though Daddy and I aren't always as open-minded as we should be, we- We want you to be better than us.
Lily: O-kay.
Cameron: No. Listen. We accept people for who they are. Daddy and I would accept you no matter what: boy, girl, gay, straight... Though, if you're a lesbian, please be the fun kind.

Quote from Haley

Haley: How do nerds even get mono? Did you all practice by kissing the same pillow?
Alex: Shouldn't you be at work by now?
[aside to camera:]
Haley: I got fired. My plan was to hide it from my parents until I got a new job, but with smarty-pants Alex home, I had to be more careful, or she was going to figure it out. Her being super-sick is coming at a really bad time for me.

Quote from Manny

Manny: [aside to camera] I live simply now, and it's good for me. Might it also help my chance of kissing her one day? Yes. And if that requires living in a world where the government chooses all our songs, so be it.

Quote from Jay

Jay: Guess what. A black family's moving in right across the street the same day my security cameras are going up. Well, what am I supposed to do? I made the appointment weeks ago right after the break-in down the street. But they'll think I made the call the minute I saw them because I'm a racist old man.
Gloria: Why would the neighbors just assume that you're a racist?
Jay: Gloria, Gloria, Gloria. You'll never understand the stereotypes old white men face.

Quote from Luke

Luke: [aside to camera] Alex's laptop had every piece of homework she ever did in high school. It was the Holy Grail I think. Thanks to Alex's hard work, I don't know what that is and never will.

Quote from Jay

Jay: Let me ask you guys something. If, someday, Lily wanted to be Lou and had the whole chop-chop, bing-bang thing, how would you be with that?
Mitchell: We love Lily.
Jay: Lou.
Cameron: We love Lou. And there's nothing she could do-
Jay: He.
Cameron: He. There's nothing he could do that would change that.
Jay: So you wouldn't even need the minute that Tom's parents did?
Mitchell: Well, no, no. Maybe a minute. I mean, there'd- there'd be a lot of things that I'd be giving up that I've always imagined doing, like- like walking her down the aisle in her wedding dress.
Cameron: Or whispering in her husband's ear that he'll never replace me.
Jay: Well, that's interesting, because the minute it took me to accept the fact that my son was living a different kind of life than the one that I anticipated, Mitchell called me an old, straight, white bigot. And now you're just like me.

Quote from Cameron

Mitchell: Cam, she was protecting us. But you don't have to, sweetie, okay? Don't feel like you can't be honest with us just to protect our feelings.
Lily: Really?
Cameron: Really. Hey, you can tell us anything.
Lily: Okay. I hate the painting, too.
Cameron: [whimpers]
[aside to camera:]
Mitchell: It was hard for us to hear, but in the spirit of tolerance, we accepted the fact that a 9-year-old might not want to fall asleep under the watchful eyes of her half-naked fathers.
Cameron: Call the Sistine Chapel. I guess art is out.

Quote from Cameron

Cameron: We just want to know why you called Tom a weirdo back at the house.
Lily: I don't know.
Mitchell: Okay, well, we don't make fun of people who are different, okay?
Cameron: You know how hard it was for Daddy and me? Growing up in Missouri, I was so mistreated that one of my best friends was an old scarecrow I found in the creek.
Mitchell: Some of your stories would be more impactful with fewer details.

Quote from Cameron

Mitchell: Look, I-I love those people, too, but you did just admit they can be a little close-minded down there.
Cameron: Well, they are a little bit set in their ways. It was actually illegal to run for mayor without a mustache until 1980.
Mitchell: See? It's-
Cameron: And then again from '82 to '85.

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