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‘Grab It’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

Modern Family: Grab It

806. Grab It

Aired November 9, 2016

Jay is worried when Phil considers becoming a member of his country club. When Alex wants to attend a lecture by a successful businesswoman and mother, Claire thinks her daughter is trying to follow in her footsteps. Meanwhile, Mitchell is upset when Cameron drags him to an interactive theater event.

Quote from Manny

Manny: Who am I kidding? I can't fall asleep. Every car alarm, every whistle of the wind sounds like people laughing at me.
Gloria: It's all in your imagination.
Joe: [laughing]
Manny: [groans] I just want to Netflix and Mom.

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Quote from Luke

Luke: [aside to camera] Grandpa got me a job at his country club, and I've been cleaning up in tips. I also like the way those guys talk. There's actually an ethnic slur for Norwegians. It's ice [bleep]ers.

Quote from Jay

Jay: [aside to camera] I don't know what I was worried about. All I had to do was let Phil be Phil. He'd never get past the vote. Fortunately, clueless boobs are one group the Supreme Court can't force us to let in.

Quote from Phil

Phil: Hey, buddy, they canceled my showing, so I can drive you to work. That looks good. What is it?
Luke: Lobster Thermidor from the country club. There's also cherries jubilee in the fridge.
Phil: Mmm. Look at us eating like rich people in the '50s.

Quote from Phil

Alex: Okay, well, I'm off. I'm signing up for some business classes at community college.
Claire: Business class, huh? Sounds like somebody's been influenced by living under the same roof with a certain captain of industry.
Phil: Thank you, honey, but none of my success would have been possible without your support as a homemaker.

Quote from Luke

Lily: So, I don't really have a job title or even a set place to work, so I kind of just float around and make sure everyone has what they need. 4:00, Your Honor. Don't forget to take your medicine.
Phil: Well, all these powerful guys. You can make connections here that'll last forever.
Luke: Not really. We have a lot of turnover here. That flag outside has been at half-mast since April.

Quote from Phil

Phil: How's that work?
Luke: You find a member to sponsor you, come have some drinks with the committee, and they vote a few people in.
Phil: Similar process to a secret cheer society I was in. Skull and Pom-Poms. I've said too much already.

Quote from Gloria

Gloria: [aside to camera] I haven't had one night to myself in six months, but tonight, Manny's going to a party.
And if I can get Joe tired enough to go to sleep, I can finally relax and take a long, nice bath. I even have a wine glass that floats. In case I fall asleep, nothing bad can happen.

Quote from Mitchell

Mitchell: Stop pretending, all right? You tricked me.
Cameron: I did not.
Mitchell: You always trick me. Every time we leave the house, it's like a game of three-card Monte.
Cameron: Interactive theater is fun.
Mitchell: It's not fun. It's never fun. It's the worst thing that can happen to human during peace time.

Quote from Phil

Congressman Morley: So, tell us about yourself, Phil.
Phil: Well, uh, you and I have something in common, actually. We're both Congressmen.
Jay: Go on, with that, Phil.
Phil: You're in the State Congress, and I was in the Junior Tumbling Congress.
Judge Lewis: I was in Tumbling Congress. You trampoline?
Phil: I'm on my tramp like three nights a week! [chuckles] The rest of the time, I'm- I'm with my wife. [laughter]

Quote from Jay

Phil: So, I go back to the seller with an all-cash no-contingency offer that'd pay off both his mortgages and leave enough after capital gains to put a down payment on a condo. I give him an hour or I'm pulling the offer.
Congressman Morley: I love this story. It's like a western.
[aside to camera:]
Jay: It was a nightmare. Tumbling stories, bad jokes, and they ate it up! I'd say they were being polite, but I've personally seen two of those guys hit pedestrians and not even slow down!

Quote from Phil

Phil: Cam wasn't wrong about this. We paid for the whole seat, but we're only using the edge of it.

Quote from Haley

Haley: Hey, Mom! Have a good day at work.
Claire: Uh, I already did that. It's 3:30.
Alex: How are you just waking up?
Haley: I set my alarm for noon. I must have slept through it.

Quote from Haley

Haley: Oh, by the way, here is the insurance money.
Claire: Thank you.
Alex: A lot of singles in there. What exactly do you do at this club? [chuckles]
Haley: Oh, right. 'Cause I'm a stripper, Alex. [chuckles] Oh, my God, do you really think I'm a stripper?
Phil: No.
Claire: No.

Quote from Haley

Claire: Sweetheart, while I'm very flattered by your sudden interest in business, how about instead of another class, you get a job? Get your hands a little dirty, huh?
Haley: She could run her hands through her hair. That would do it.

Quote from Jay

Phil: Hey, hey, hey! Cramps. Luke and I just split a Beef Wellington and clams casino. Um, I'm wondering if you'd, uh, sponsor me for the new-members thing tonight.
Jay: Gee, I'd like to, but they got rules about relatives sponsoring new members, so-
Anders: No, they don't. I just did it.
Jay: Gee, they must have changed that.
Phil: Oh, great, I'll see you tonight. What time should I be here?
Jay: Oh, I think it starts about 9:30.
Anders: No, it'll be over by then. It starts at 7:00.
Jay: They must have changed that, too.
Phil: Thanks, Jay. See you at 7:00.
Anders: Wait, that was Claire's husband, right?
Jay: Yes, it was, Anders, you stupid ice [bleep].

Quote from Gloria

Manny: Which shirt for the party the canary or the daffodil?
Gloria: We're not doing this again. I just did the herringbone or the tweed for your vest. Just pick one and go.
Manny: [sighs] Okay. Oh, well, this needs ironing.
Gloria: Okay, jump on. Rudolph, to the laundry room!
Joe: Ohh.

Quote from Mitchell

Cameron: I know it's just community theater, but aren't opening nights so exciting?
Mitchell: Yes, the cream of society decked out in their finest flip-flops.

Quote from Cameron

Mitchell: Okay, what is going on? Why is everyone talking to me?
Cameron: I think they're just being friendly.
Mitchell: Cam, oh, my God. Is is this one of those interactive theater experiences?
Cameron: Oh, do you mean where the audience participates and the line between performer and spectator is delightfully blurred? Mitchell, we're at a high-school reunion!

Quote from Gloria

Manny: I had the most humiliating experience of my entire life. I may never leave this house again.
Gloria: Okay, you're just tired. I'm gonna make you an espresso, and you go back.
Manny: No, I can't go back there.
Gloria: Did you get in trouble again for adjusting the lighting? You're still young. You can take a bright bulb.

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