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‘Man Shouldn't Lie’ Quotes

Modern Family: Man Shouldn't Lie

719. Man Shouldn't Lie

Aired April 13, 2016

When Claire takes evasive action to hide a stray dog she's taken in from Phil, he becomes convinced she's upset with him. When Gloria invites a new couple over, Jay is reluctant to admit he likes the guy after insisting he didn't need any new friends. Meanwhile, Cameron rents out the upstairs apartment to a Christian rock band.

Quote from Gloria

Jay: Why would I want these people in my house messing up my poker game?
Gloria: Maybe you'll meet new friends.
Jay: We've been over this before. I don't want any new friends. I have the exact-right number of friends.
Gloria: Jay, your friends have been around since before the movies could talk. I don't think it's the worst idea to start getting some backups.

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Quote from Gloria

Gloria: Dana, come with me to the kitchen while the boys get to know each other.
Dana: All right. Did you hear they're thinking of eliminating cursive at the school?
Gloria: All of it, or just the "F" word?

Quote from Gloria

Jay: Great. Now I'm stuck going to some boring charity event with Reece. You see what your mom got me into?
Manny: Jay, come on. Keep an open mind.
Gloria: All we're saying is give Reece a chance.

Quote from Gloria

Gloria: Stop with the lies. I really don't understand men. Why can't you just admit that you were wrong? It's not a weakness. It's a strength, and I would love you and respect you more.
Haley: Fine. I like Reece, and I want to go away with him.
Gloria: I knew it! I was right, and you were wrong! From now on, we're gonna do new things all the time. Tomorrow we're going to an Ethiopian restaurant, and then we're gonna watch a movie about a love letter that arrived 30 years late and changed the life of two women.

Quote from Jay

Jay: I'm just saying that maybe, before you join the French resistance, you walk the 15 feet to your neighbor's house and ask her did she get your damn love letter.

Quote from Gloria

Gloria: For someone that says that they don't want to talk about the movie, that's all you seem to be talking about.
Jay: I think it's better than putting this yellow mush in my mouth.
Gloria: Yeah, maybe if you opened up your mind, you would see that this is actually delicious. Mm-mmm!
[aside to camera:]
Gloria: It was disgusting, but I could never let Jay know that he was right.
[aside to camera:]
Jay: Food wasn't terrible. And if I'm being honest, the movie sort of stayed with me.

Quote from Phil

Claire: [on the phone] Anyway, I've got a bunch more calls to make.I'm not gonn a have time to cook tonight.
Phil: We could go out. There's that new restaurant, Sliders. The gimmick is they built it on a slant, and the waiters all wear socks.
Claire: That doesn't sound good at all.

Quote from Manny

Gloria: Don't forget you have to watch Joe while we have company.
Manny: Again?
Gloria: Yes, again. What is the problem?
Manny: He always wants to watch his show "Mystery Kidz," with a "Z." It's insufferable.
Gloria: Now you know what I felt when I had to watch your favorite show.
Manny: "Masterpiece Theater"?
Gloria: It was hosted by a creepy puppet.
Manny: That was Alan Cumming.

Quote from Gloria

Gloria: Ay, Jay, you have to add two more chairs.
Jay: For who?
Gloria: It's us, the McClouds, and the Sharps. I also invited my friend Dana and her husband, Reece.
Jay: Reece? Who's Reece?
Gloria: I just told you. Dana's husband. I met her at the PTA lunch, and she's the only woman in the anti-bullying campaign that I don't want to punch in the face.

Quote from Lily

Lily: Hey, Daddy, what's a lowest common denominator?
Cameron: Reality TV.
Lily: That's hilarious, but I've got a quiz tomorrow.

Quote from Claire

Luke: You got us a dog?!
Claire: No, no! It's a stray, and we are not keeping him. Be quiet. Your dad cannot know he's here. If he sees him, he'll get all attached, and there's no getting rid of it.
Haley: Oh, it'll be like Luke all over again.
Luke: At least they were married when they had me. You ruined mom's life.
Claire: Stop. I am now very happy I have all of you.

Quote from Jay

Reece: I brought you some Scotch.
Jay: Wow. That's quite a bottle.
Reece: Thank you.
Jay: Mm. Hey, Gloria tells me you're the Kings' dentist.
Reece: Well, when you say it like that, it sounds so hoity-toity. [chuckles] Why don't we crack that open? And do you have any Cohiba Robustos?
Jay: Oh, I wish, but, you know, they're impossible to find.
Reece: Hmm. Well, look at that. I just found two.
[aside to camera:]
Jay: Okay, the guy wasn't all bad, but I couldn't let Gloria know or it would open the door for a whole bunch of new things I don't want to do: trendy restaurants, movies about how women feel about crap. And who needs it?

Quote from Phil

Claire: [scoffs] As if this week wasn't bad enough, now my hardware supplier in Brussels is flip-flopping.
Phil: Sounds like you're dealing with a real Belgian waffle.

Quote from Cameron

Coop: Aah, this is devastating. If we don't play, we won't get paid, and we don't have enough money to get home.
Mitchell: Hey, you don't know what Dex is going through. One hath to be true to the way one was born.
Cameron: Okay, you can't just add "hath" and pretend it was in the Bible.

Quote from Phil

Phil: But if you're open to me getting a pet...
Claire: Yeah. Of course. Get a dog.
Phil: No, I don't want a dog. I want a cockatoo to take rollerblading. How cool would that be sitting on my shoulder my half shirt flapping in the wind?
Claire: You're not getting a bird.
Phil: Are you serious?
Claire: Yeah. People that have birds and walk around with them on their shoulders, they look ridiculous. It's obviously a desperate cry for attention.
Phil: Okay. Now I need some time to myself.

Quote from Cameron

Coop: Hey, everyone, let's gather for the pre-show prayer.
Cameron: Ooh! Kind of like Madonna and her backup dancers.

Quote from Cameron

Coop: [singing] The world may be flat But it's always changin' So many sins from topics that are rangin' Devil's done with breakfast, and his evil is ragin'- Which is why - Which is why - Which is why - Which is why Man shouldn't lie Man shouldn't lie Man shouldn't lie with another man Man shouldn't lie Man shouldn't lie Man shouldn't lie with another man There's a party in hell And the drinks are always flowing I think we all know the kind of people that are going Man shouldn't lie Man shouldn't lie Man shouldn't lie with another man-
Cameron: Unless they really love each other-
Coop: Man shouldn't lie Man shouldn't lie Man shouldn't lie with another man
Cameron: The Jesus I know loves everyone Even if you're gay or straight Doesn't matter about your sexuality!


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