Manny: Uh, whoever's officiating, if you can carve out some time for a poem I've written. It's sort of a "Beowulf" meets "You've Got Mail."

Haley: Mnh! How can my babies be early?! I've never been early to anything! Maybe they're not mine!
Dylan: I've always been faithful to you!

Haley: Um... that was weird.
Dylan: Those little people with the full-size baby?
Haley: No, when the doctor called you my husband.
Dylan: Well, people are gonna assume...
Gloria: No, it... It was weird because I liked it.
Dylan: Seriously? Because I proposed, like, six times.
Haley: I know. I just... It seemed so old-fashioned at the time, but when I thought that the babies were coming, I-I...
Dylan: Are you saying what I think you're saying?
Haley: I'm gonna need a little help here. Okay. Okay, we're good. Dylan Stardust Marshall, will you... Oh! Going over. Okay. Okay. I'm fine. I'm fine. It's okay. Will you marry me?
Dylan: Oh, my God. This is exactly how I imagined it.

Phil: And so, by the powers vested in me by NoPainOrdain.com, I pronounce you, Dylan, and you, Haley, husband and wife.

Mitchell: [aside to camera] Tonight is the L.A. premiere of "Sophie's Choice: The Musical." And it sold out in seconds, but the theater reserved a few amazing house seats for an online lottery.
Cameron: And there's a rumor Meryl Streep is going to be in the audience.
Mitchell: Oh, my God.
Cameron: You have to feel for that poor actress playing Sophie. It'd be like me sewing costumes in front of Bob Mackie.
Mitchell: And the award for the gayest thing ever said goes to...

Cameron: Is this a sign?
Mitchell: Yes! We are meant to see the show!
Cameron: No, it's one of those CAPTCHA things. Is that a road sign?!
Lily: Yes!

Mitchell: Oh, thank you, sweetie. You saved us.
Lily: It's fine. I needed the miles.
Cameron: Thank you.
Mitchell: Where's she off to?
Cameron: I'm sure it's fine.

Jay: You look gorgeous. Now, remember...
Gloria: Okay, this is not my first time impressing your business associates. I know the drill. Laugh at their jokes, touch their arms...
Jay: Yeah, and if he pees on the floor, don't make a big deal out of it.
Gloria: What is happening?

Jay: [aside to camera] I quit the closet game to become the king of high-end, whimsical dog beds. And to market them today, I'm hosting social-media influencer Arthur Goodboy. This little stud has over million followers on the Instagram. One photo of him with a product can be a game-changer.

Phil: Haley and Dylan are getting married.
Luke: Dressed like that?
Haley: Ugh. Now I have to invite Luke?
Alex: Not if you don't want to.
Luke: This feels great.
Haley: Okay, that is it. Luke, but no one else.
Dylan: Hey, so, my mom found out your parents are coming, 'cause I told her, and now she's on her way. And Grandpa's coming. You guys are gonna love him. Oh, but if he asks you to kill him, don't.