Michael: You look flawless.
Alex: Thanks.
Michael: Did I not say coral was the color for you? Look what it does for your skin. Hi!
Phil: Hi, buddy.
Claire: Hi.
[aside to camera:]
Alex: Yes, my bad boy prom date is gay. He just doesn't know it yet, so I'm basically his beard. Pre-beard. His stubble.

Claire: Um, we need to talk, honey. We're worried about you. You haven't heard back from the college that wait-listed you, and all the rest of your friends have. And now you're just wasting time at the mall.
Haley: For your information, I've already filled out and dropped off my community college application. And plus also I'm going to the mall because I have a job interview.
Claire: What?
Phil: Really?
Haley: My guidance counselor suggested I take a gap year. You know, a year between high school and college were you take some courses, have some life experiences, and get inspired. And obviously, work at the GAP.

Gloria: Jay! Manny! Good news! Mitch and Cam are getting a new baby today.
Jay: Really? That's fantastic.
Gloria: And it's Latino!
Manny: How's that giant fence working out for ya?

Gloria: Ay, please stop driving the car like a snake. It's making me nauseating.
Mitchell: Well, uh, if you want to switch places, there's plenty of room to stretch out back here.
Cameron: Yeah, that's why we traded our old prius in for the new one. You know, bigger family, bigger backseat. You can fit two car seats and a prize-winning pig back there.
Mitchell: Please don't put a pig in the backseat with our children.
Cameron: I'm not being literal. It's a unit of measurement we used on the farm. You know, like, "That bed's a double-pigger."

Dylan: Mr. D., do you have a tuxedo I could borrow?
Phil: Yeah, sure. I mean, it's the tux I got married in, so it's double-breasted.
Dylan: Perfect. So am I.

Jay: The first step in plane building, organize the parts. You got your power plant. You got your fuselage. You got your control surfaces. What's that?
Manny: A charcuterie. You got your prosciutto, your pancetta, your salami.
Jay: That's charcuterie? I've been avoiding that on menus for years. [chuckles] They're killing themselves with that name.

Phil: Always keep the rhythm in your feet. Then we're gonna add just a little party in the shoulders. All right? Now let's get those arms going. No, no, no. Arms down here says, "I'm white and I'm sorry," but arms up here says, "You don't know what I am."
Alex: I-I don't.

Haley: [aside to camera] Tonight at dinner, I'm telling my parents the biggest news of all. After graduation, I'm moving in with someone.
Dylan: And his name is me.

Dylan: Listen, I know that you're concerned, but I'm designing t-shirts now, and they're gonna be huge. Also medium and small.
Claire: Dylan, would you excuse us for a moment so we can talk to Haley?
Dylan: Sure, but you stay. I'll go.

Phil: Well, Alex should be hitting the dance floor right about now. Must be fun.
Haley: Really, dad, let it go.
Phil: I'm sorry, sweetie. I'm just sad you're missing it. I can still totally picture my prom night. My date was Angela Wilkins. My dad dressed as a limo driver and spoke with a British accent. He even announced our arrival. [British accent] "Sir Philliam Dunphy and the Lady Wilkins!" All the cool kids were totally laughing with us.