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‘Mother Tucker’ Quotes Page 1 of 5    

Modern Family: Mother Tucker

209. Mother Tucker

Aired November 24, 2010

When Haley and Dylan break up, Phil is the hardest hit. Meanwhile, Mitchell is very uncomfortable when Cameron's mother, Barb, visits. Meanwhile, Jay freaks out about his health when he and Manny try to diagnose the problem on the Internet.

Quote from Haley

Claire: Come on, Alex. It's time for your cello lesson. How's the tutoring going?
Alex: Are you familiar with the term "throwing good money after bad"?
Haley: Are you familiar with the term "Dunphy, party of one"? Because you will be.

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Quote from Alex

Alex: I'm just saying, she's never gonna get a job. And how do we know the right Middle Eastern businessman wouldn't treat her great?
Claire: I left my shopping list inside. For the record, we thought she could live with you.
Alex: Like I'm gonna tell any of you where I live.

Quote from Mitchell

Cameron: Mama should be here by now. I wonder what's keeping her?
Mitchell: Cam, that depends. Did she take her jalopy or one of them new fancy flyin' machines?
Cameron: You know, Missouri's more cosmopolitan than you give it credit for. It's got a very vibrant cowboy poetry scene.
Mitchell: Not sure you're making the point that you think.

Quote from Cameron

Cameron: [aside to camera] Well, I don't wanna overstate this but my mom is the greatest woman that ever lived.
Mitchell: Cam loves his mom.
Cameron: She raised four kids, two barns and a whole lotta hell.
Mitchell: That sounds like a country song.
Cameron: And that song would be called "The Greatest Woman That Ever Lived."
Mitchell: Cam loves his mom.

Quote from Gloria

Gloria: Jay, you wanna go to the mall with me?
Jay: No, actually, my stomach's a little funny today.
Gloria: Oh, I am so sorry, papi. Maybe we'd stop first at the crib store and you lay down and I buy you a little dress, hmm?
[aside to camera:]
Jay: Gloria thinks Americans are babies.
Gloria: Well, in Colombia we couldn't go run to the hospital for every little sniffle or dislocated shoulder.

Quote from Phil

Alex: So, dumb guys go for dumb girls and smart guys go for dumb girls? What do the smart girls get?
Phil: Cats, mostly.

Quote from Phil

Claire: So, Haley, how long have I been paying this guy to make out with you?
Haley: Uh, about a week. First it was just to shut him up, but now I'm starting to like him.
Claire: If you really like him though, you have to break up with Dylan.
Phil: What? No!
Claire: Believe me. And it's best for everybody if you just do it quickly.
Phil: I can't believe we're having this conversation. He's like part of the family.

Quote from Phil

Phil: Okay, but be gentle. Boys are surprisingly sensitive at that age.
Claire: Water polo girl story.
Phil: Yes, I'm gonna tell the water polo girl story! 'Cause it hurt! Mmm. Okay, so I'm working in the principal's office. She walks in, hair all silver from the chlorine tells me she wants her varsity jacket back. I tear up a little. Then I tear up a lot. I'm begging, I'm begging. At some point I realize I'm sitting on the button to the high school intercom system. Yuk it up, ladies. Wasn't funny then. Is not funny now. It was traumatic, Haley. Don't do Dylan like Linda "The Cannon" Concannon did me.

Quote from Phil

Haley: It's done. We broke up.
Phil: What?
Haley: I texted Dylan. It's over.
Phil: Bet that's him. Yep. Sad face emoticon! You can feel the hurt through the phone.

Quote from Mitchell

Mitchell: Listen, this is this is not in my head, Claire. And it's actually getting worse.
Claire: What does Cam say?
Mitchell: Well, he never seems to notice. And I certainly can't talk to him about it because God forbid I say anything negative about his mom. One time I added salt to her casserole and he went into the garage and punched the car.

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