Gloria Delgado Quotes Page 1 of 34

Quote from Unplugged

Jay: Why didn't you just tell me this in the first place?
Gloria: Ay, like you would be okay with me stealing a dog.
Jay: No.
Gloria: Exactly. That's why I didn't tell you. Now the dog is happy, Manny can sleep, and we have pickles.
Jay: Okay, it worked out this time, but don't forget that stealing is against the law. Now maybe in Colombia-
Gloria: Ah, here we go. Because in Colombia, we trip over goats and we kill people in the street. Do you know how offensive that is? Like we're Peruvians!

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Quote from Come Fly with Me

Gloria: [aside to camera] I always wanted a daughter. To dress her up with pretty dresses do her hair, her nails, her makeup. [chuckles] No one knows this, but for the first year of his life, I made up Manny like a girl and told everybody that he was my daughter. [laughs] Ay, but just for a few times. I didn't want to mess with his head. When he found the pictures, I told him that it was his twin sister who died.

Quote from Hit and Run

Jay: Uh, this stupid kid's been in the business about ten minutes. He barely looks at my proposal, and he says he wants more "Wow."
Gloria: What does he mean by more "Wow"?
Manny: It's the "Bieber-ization" of America.
Jay: What do beavers have to do with anything?
Gloria: The beavers, they build the dams all over the country so there's no floods, is the "Beaver-ization" of the Americas.
Manny: I'm finding there's less and less we can talk about.

Quote from Run For Your Wife

Manny: Is something wrong? Who's died?
Gloria: No one, Manny.
Jay: Why would you even think that?
Gloria: In Colombia, Manny went to Pablo Escobar Elementary School. If you were pulled out of class, it was definitely to identify a body.

Quote from The Wow Factor

Gloria: [speaking Spanish to Joe]
Jay: Careful. Keep that up, he'll have to hit "numero dos" when he calls the DMV.
Gloria: By the time he's old enough to call, it will be "numero uno."

Quote from Slow Down Your Neighbors

Gloria: My mother thought that riding a bike was dangerous. She would say, "That's how people grab you."

Quote from Run For Your Wife

Gloria: [aside to camera] The poncho by itself is fine. The poncho plus the flute plus the stupid dance, my son will die a virgin.
Jay: That's right.

Quote from Fears

Gloria: How about we take him to the pier and go fishing, huh? Manny!
Jay: He likes to fish?
Gloria: Yeah. He comes from a long line of fishermen and smugglers. But I encourage the fishing.

Quote from Strangers on a Treadmill

Gloria: Manny's right. The quinceanera is very important in the Latin culture. The moment the father dances with his little princess. Ay. I remember my own father holding my hand. There wasn't a dry eye in the cartel.

Quote from Halloween

Gloria: What else do I say wrong?
Jay: Well, it's not "blessings in the skies." It's "blessings in disguise."
Gloria: What else?
Jay: "Carpal tunnel syndrome" is not "carpool tunnel syndrome."
Gloria: And what else?
Jay: It's not "vo-lump-tuous."
Gloria: Okay, enough. I know that I have an accent, but people understand me just fine.
Jay: What the hell is this?
Gloria: I told you, Jay. I called your secretary and told her to order you a box of baby cheeses. [Jay holds up a figure of the baby Jesus] Oh, so now that is my fault too.

Quote from The One That Got Away

Jay: And here we have a phone in the shape of a mouth.
Gloria: Ah, you're welcome. Very sexy.
Jay: Wait a minute. Don't tell me. Let me work this out. I mentioned a few times I was thinking of taking up the saxophone. You give me this. I got it. Is this a "sexy phone"?
Gloria: Happy birthday!

Quote from The More You Ignore Me

Gloria: It's a secret recipe that has been in my family for generations.
Cameron: Was your sauce buried in a local time capsule during the bicentennial? Because mine was.
Gloria: My great-aunt Miranda was the only one that could make it, and because I was the oldest girl that didn't marry a Peruvian, the recipe passed down to me.

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