Gloria Delgado Quotes Page 1 of 34

Quote from Unplugged

Jay: Why didn't you just tell me this in the first place?
Gloria: Ay, like you would be okay with me stealing a dog.
Jay: No.
Gloria: Exactly. That's why I didn't tell you. Now the dog is happy, Manny can sleep, and we have pickles.
Jay: Okay, it worked out this time, but don't forget that stealing is against the law. Now maybe in Colombia-
Gloria: Ah, here we go. Because in Colombia, we trip over goats and we kill people in the street. Do you know how offensive that is? Like we're Peruvians!


Quote from Come Fly with Me

Gloria: [aside to camera] I always wanted a daughter. To dress her up with pretty dresses do her hair, her nails, her makeup. [chuckles] No one knows this, but for the first year of his life, I made up Manny like a girl and told everybody that he was my daughter. [laughs] Ay, but just for a few times. I didn't want to mess with his head. When he found the pictures, I told him that it was his twin sister who died.

Quote from Hit and Run

Jay: Uh, this stupid kid's been in the business about ten minutes. He barely looks at my proposal, and he says he wants more "Wow."
Gloria: What does he mean by more "Wow"?
Manny: It's the "Bieber-ization" of America.
Jay: What do beavers have to do with anything?
Gloria: The beavers, they build the dams all over the country so there's no floods, is the "Beaver-ization" of the Americas.
Manny: I'm finding there's less and less we can talk about.

Quote from Run For Your Wife

Manny: Is something wrong? Who's died?
Gloria: No one, Manny.
Jay: Why would you even think that?
Gloria: In Colombia, Manny went to Pablo Escobar Elementary School. If you were pulled out of class, it was definitely to identify a body.

Quote from The Wow Factor

Gloria: [speaking Spanish to Joe]
Jay: Careful. Keep that up, he'll have to hit "numero dos" when he calls the DMV.
Gloria: By the time he's old enough to call, it will be "numero uno."

Quote from Slow Down Your Neighbors

Gloria: My mother thought that riding a bike was dangerous. She would say, "That's how people grab you."

Quote from Run For Your Wife

Gloria: [aside to camera] The poncho by itself is fine. The poncho plus the flute plus the stupid dance, my son will die a virgin.
Jay: That's right.

Quote from Fears

Gloria: How about we take him to the pier and go fishing, huh? Manny!
Jay: He likes to fish?
Gloria: Yeah. He comes from a long line of fishermen and smugglers. But I encourage the fishing.

Quote from Strangers on a Treadmill

Gloria: Manny's right. The quinceanera is very important in the Latin culture. The moment the father dances with his little princess. Ay. I remember my own father holding my hand. There wasn't a dry eye in the cartel.

Quote from Halloween

Gloria: What else do I say wrong?
Jay: Well, it's not "blessings in the skies." It's "blessings in disguise."
Gloria: What else?
Jay: "Carpal tunnel syndrome" is not "carpool tunnel syndrome."
Gloria: And what else?
Jay: It's not "vo-lump-tuous."
Gloria: Okay, enough. I know that I have an accent, but people understand me just fine.
Jay: What the hell is this?
Gloria: I told you, Jay. I called your secretary and told her to order you a box of baby cheeses. [Jay holds up a figure of the baby Jesus] Oh, so now that is my fault too.

Quote from The One That Got Away

Jay: And here we have a phone in the shape of a mouth.
Gloria: Ah, you're welcome. Very sexy.
Jay: Wait a minute. Don't tell me. Let me work this out. I mentioned a few times I was thinking of taking up the saxophone. You give me this. I got it. Is this a "sexy phone"?
Gloria: Happy birthday!

Quote from The More You Ignore Me

Gloria: It's a secret recipe that has been in my family for generations.
Cameron: Was your sauce buried in a local time capsule during the bicentennial? Because mine was.
Gloria: My great-aunt Miranda was the only one that could make it, and because I was the oldest girl that didn't marry a Peruvian, the recipe passed down to me.

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