Gloria Delgado Quotes Page 1 of 55
Quote from Unplugged
Gloria: Look. Look how happy they are instead of him being tied to a tree outside with no one to talk to.
Jay: Why didn't you just tell me this in the first place?
Gloria: Ay, like you would be okay with me stealing a dog.
Gloria: Exactly. That's why I didn't tell you. Now the dog is happy, Manny can sleep, and we have pickles.
Jay: Okay, it worked out this time, but don't forget that stealing is against the law. Now maybe in Colombia-
Gloria: Ah, here we go. Because in Colombia, we trip over goats and we kill people in the street. Do you know how offensive that is? Like we're Peruvians!
Quote from Hit and Run
Jay: Uh, this stupid kid's been in the business about ten minutes. He barely looks at my proposal, and he says he wants more "Wow."
Gloria: What does he mean by more "Wow"?
Manny: It's the "Bieber-ization" of America.
Jay: What do beavers have to do with anything?
Gloria: The beavers, they build the dams all over the country so there's no floods, is the "Beaver-ization" of the Americas.
Manny: I'm finding there's less and less we can talk about.
Quote from Come Fly with Me
Gloria: [aside to camera] I always wanted a daughter. To dress her up with pretty dresses do her hair, her nails, her makeup. [chuckles] No one knows this, but for the first year of his life, I made up Manny like a girl and told everybody that he was my daughter. [laughs] Ay, but just for a few times. I didn't want to mess with his head. When he found the pictures, I told him that it was his twin sister who died.
Quote from Run For Your Wife
Manny: Is something wrong? Who's died?
Gloria: No one, Manny.
Jay: Why would you even think that?
Gloria: In Colombia, Manny went to Pablo Escobar Elementary School. If you were pulled out of class, it was definitely to identify a body.
Quote from The Wow Factor
Gloria: [speaking Spanish to Joe]
Jay: Careful. Keep that up, he'll have to hit "numero dos" when he calls the DMV.
Gloria: By the time he's old enough to call, it will be "numero uno."
Quote from I Love a Parade
Gloria: Joe, you should be thankful that you live in this country. I spent half of my childhood in a Banana Republic. It was the only store in my village that had air-conditioner.
Quote from Slow Down Your Neighbors
Gloria: My mother thought that riding a bike was dangerous. She would say, "That's how people grab you."
Quote from Halloween
Gloria: What else do I say wrong?
Jay: Well, it's not "blessings in the skies." It's "blessings in disguise."
Gloria: What else?
Jay: "Carpal tunnel syndrome" is not "carpool tunnel syndrome."
Gloria: And what else?
Jay: It's not "vo-lump-tuous."
Gloria: Okay, enough. I know that I have an accent, but people understand me just fine.
Jay: What the hell is this?
Gloria: I told you, Jay. I called your secretary and told her to order you a box of baby cheeses. [Jay holds up a figure of the baby Jesus] Oh, so now that is my fault too.
Quote from He Said, She Shed
Gloria: But Joe worries me because stress can destroy a child. Take it from Cartagena's junior regional backstroke champion.
Manny: You used to swim?
Gloria: Like a cigarette boat fleeing to international waters. But all that stress brought the darkness in me. I started pulling out my hair, and there was an incident.
Manny: What kind of incident?
Gloria: I'm ashamed to admit it, but when I lost one of the big races, I might have hit one of the other swimmers in the leg with a skimmer pole.
Manny: You Tonya Harding-ed another girl?
Gloria: No, in Colombia, they call it the Gloria Ramirez-ing.
Quote from The One That Got Away
Jay: And here we have a phone in the shape of a mouth.
Gloria: Ah, you're welcome. Very sexy.
Jay: Wait a minute. Don't tell me. Let me work this out. I mentioned a few times I was thinking of taking up the saxophone. You give me this. I got it. Is this a "sexy phone"?
Gloria: Happy birthday!
Quote from Run For Your Wife
Gloria: [aside to camera] The poncho by itself is fine. The poncho plus the flute plus the stupid dance, my son will die a virgin.
Jay: That's right.
Quote from The More You Ignore Me
Gloria: It's a secret recipe that has been in my family for generations.
Cameron: Was your sauce buried in a local time capsule during the bicentennial? Because mine was.
Gloria: My great-aunt Miranda was the only one that could make it, and because I was the oldest girl that didn't marry a Peruvian, the recipe passed down to me.
Quote from Strangers on a Treadmill
Gloria: Manny's right. The quinceanera is very important in the Latin culture. The moment the father dances with his little princess. Ay. I remember my own father holding my hand. There wasn't a dry eye in the cartel.
Quote from Fears
Gloria: How about we take him to the pier and go fishing, huh? Manny!
Jay: He likes to fish?
Gloria: Yeah. He comes from a long line of fishermen and smugglers. But I encourage the fishing.
Quote from Queer Eyes, Full Hearts
Gloria: Because he wasn't even trying.
Manny: I'm sorry, but Spanish just doesn't seem natural to me. I don't like the way it hits my ear.
Gloria: What could be more natural than your mother's tongue in your ear?
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