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35Quotes from ‘Ten Years Later’

Modern Family: Ten Years Later

906. Ten Years Later

Aired November 1, 2017

When Jay and Gloria celebrate their tenth anniversary, Claire and Mitchell are determined to make up for Dede's outburst at the wedding.

Quote from Claire

Claire: [aside to camera] I'm throwing Dad and Gloria's 10th anniversary party, and Phil is part of the entertainment.
Phil: I'm gonna make Gloria seemingly dematerialize, then wondrously travel back through time, and then rematerialized in her wedding dress.
Claire: She's gonna change her clothes in a box.
Phil: This is why I'm nervous about you introducing me.
Claire: I'm kidding! You're gonna be great.
[separately to camera:]
Claire: He better be great. I want Dad and Gloria's party to be perfect. I was kind of a pill at their wedding. I hadn't fully accepted Gloria yet. And I feel a little responsible for what happened with my mom. I fed her, like, three drinks at the reception. You know, just to take the edge off. She almost took the doorframe off.

Quote from Mitchell

Mitchell: So, uh, what's all this?
Cameron: This is redemption.
Mitchell: Maybe just a straight answer.
Cameron: The year was 2007. The wedding reception of Jay and Gloria. Our gift to the newlyweds was a duet performance of "Islands in the Stream."
Mitchell: "Islands in the Stream."
Cameron: A gift that would never be, because...
Mitchell: I remember.
[aside to camera:]
Mitchell: I fed my mom a few drinks at the reception. I really did not want to sing, so I figured if I got her a little tipsy, I wouldn't have to perform because I'd have to hold her hand... And later hold her hair back.

Quote from Jay

Gloria: Morning, beautiful. We have huevos, we have chorizo, we have tortilla. What we ain't got is Manny. Unfortunately, he's gonna be a no-show at the party today.
Joe: Aha.
Jay: What can I get you?
Gloria: Take that garbage away from me. I'm going for a walk.
[aside to camera:]
Jay: Manny was a big part of our wedding. He walked Gloria down the aisle, did the calligraphy. And I knew him not showing up to our anniversary party would put Gloria in a bad mood. In some ways, I feel responsible.

Quote from Jay

Jay: You're home again? You're in college. You can't come back every weekend!
Manny: So no hug?
Jay: I love you, but you're not making the most of your college experience by being here all the time. My father dropped me off my freshman year, and I didn't see him again till the spring. You want to know why?
Manny: I don't know. Something about dames and fistfights?
Jay: Exactly. Too busy making friends, chasing skirts, and things of that nature.

Quote from Jay

Jay: But your mother and I think it's bad for you to be here all the time. So hit the road, and we'll see you at Thanksgiving.
Manny: Wait. I'm banned from my house?
Jay: Don't think of it that way. You're banned from my house.
[aside to camera:]
Jay: Technically, Gloria was not in on this decision, in the sense that she was not in on this decision.

Quote from Gloria

Gloria: [aside to camera] I was a little grumpy. I had agreed to do this magic trick at the party with Phil. I go into a box, and then I come out in my wedding dress. But there was a problem.
[flashback:]
Gloria: Pull!
Joe: She won't budge!
[back to camera:]
Gloria: The only logical explanation is that somebody snuck into my closet and shrunk my wedding dress. Like, probably my sister. So for the past week, I've had to, like, get even skinnier than I was at my wedding. Oh, shut up.

Quote from Joe

Joe: I look stupid.
Jay: Hey, you see what a bad mood your mother's in? That's because she misses Manny. Today, you're Manny.
Joe: But wouldn't she miss Joe then?
Jay: Don't overthink. Just go in there, act all heartsick, and tell her you want to have high tea.
Joe: Hey, Mom. Why are girls such a mystery? Have a scone!

Quote from Cameron

Lily: [singing, off-key] That old black magic has me in its spell That old black magic that you weave so well Take it, Daddy!
Cameron: [drum solo] Oh! Hi, Mitchell. You know what? I def traded up with Lily. I'm glad you backed out.
Mitchell: Lily, why don't you go rest your instrument? So, uh, just to break down this "foolproof" plan, you thought this would make me so jealous that I'd beg to be back in the act, didn't you?
Cameron: Um, no. I just found a younger talent that I clicked with.

Quote from Cameron

Mitchell: Okay, well, I look forward to watching you two perform.
Cameron: Well, I envy you getting to watch us perform.
Mitchell: Lily, sweetheart, get in here! The rehearsal's not over!
Cameron: Y-Y-Yeah, time's a-wasting, my little thrush!
Mitchell: And hurry! The party starts real soon!
Cameron: Okay, you know what? You win. You know I'm never taking the stage with that screech owl. Just sing. It would be very important for you.

Quote from Cameron

Cameron: Your family has been entranced by my performances many times. I don't need this, but over the last 10 years, I've watch you shrink in their presence. And you love to sing. I like it fine. And when we go out, you're the first person to grab the karaoke mic and scat the night away, and you're good at it. You know what people are calling you? "Fella Fitzgerald."
Mitchell: They do not!
Cameron: Yes, they do. And just once, I would love to watch your talent soar in front of your family and shut them up for good. But if you don't want to
Mitchell: You know what? Screw it. I don't even care that I'm mostly sure you're manipulating me right now.

Quote from Manny

Jay: Hey, Beardy. Have you seen Manny Delgado?
Man: I think the make-out king is a little occupied.
[Jay knocks on Manny's door]
Manny: [o.s.] Have you no respect for the ascot?!

Quote from Manny

Manny: What are you doing here?
Jay: I need you to come to our anniversary party.
Manny: I thought I was persona non grata. Now I'm halfway into flagrante delicto.
Jay: This, I don't miss.

Quote from Phil

Gloria: I am having a bad day. I don't feel like doing the chitchatting.
Phil: Not having a great day myself. Missed a phone call 15 years ago that could have launched a second career as a magician. I could've had it all. Realtor by day, magician by night. Just like the hero of that rock opera I never finished.

Quote from Jay

Jay: Look at him go. You know, he was raised a mama's boy. Now he's a strong, capable man making nonsense noises that sound a lot like instruments.

Quote from Cameron

Cameron: [drumming] Thank you very much. Uh, muy kind, pero I know you're only doing it to make me feel mas better.
Mitchell: Wow. Somebody's been listening to Rosetta Stone in the car.
Mitchell: Cam, come on. Talk to me.
Cameron: What in the skibbity doo wop was that? [laughter]
Mitchell: Did you bring your own studio audience?
Cameron: No. They're Gloria's family. Unlike some people, they feel things.

Quote from Phil

Phil: Behold the Quantum Flux. A magic portal to the past, what some might call a "time machine. " This is where you guys go "Oooh."
Luke: No, thank you.
Alex: Just get on with it.
Phil: "Ooh," indeed.

Quote from Phil

Phil: Into the wormhole she goes. Clocks turn backwards, calendar pages re-attach themselves, and behold! The beautiful bride! Guys! This isn't exciting to you? Use your imaginations. Picture me standing next to Gloria in a wedding dress.

Quote from Cameron

Cameron: Well, your family has wondered for 10 years "What if?" Today, they find out what for.

Quote from Cameron

Mitchell: This party isn't about us.
Cameron: There's a whole slate of performers.
Mitchell: Gloria's changing in a box.
Cameron: Which makes our medley all the more welcome.
Mitchell: It's a medley now? No! No. In no way, shape, or form am I performing today in front of my judgmental family.
Cameron: Fine. We'll just go to the party.
Mitchell: Thank you.
Cameron: No medley.
Mitchell: Exactly. Wait. This isn't a trick?
Cameron: Just three un-related songs. You just agreed. Rehearsal starts right now. Jump in when you're ready.

Quote from Joe

Joe: Why are you cooking? Are you allowed back there?
Jay: It's our anniversary. Can't I do something nice for your mother?
Joe: Maybe.

Quote from Phil

Phil: Claire, meet the legendary Mister Ekshun.
Claire: Hello.
Mister Ekshun: And what's this behind your ear? Oh, just some sweater fluff.
Phil: [chuckles] Well, the place looks great. Can you imagine coming here every day?
Mister Ekshun: I wish it was every day. I have less and less time for the old Illusionatorium, with all the road jobs I still book.
Phil: Would you mind quickly walking me through the Quantum Flux Illusion?
Mister Ekshun: Uh-huh. Well, according to magic bylaws, I can't disclose the secret in the presence of a non-licensed magician.
Claire: Not a problem. I can just step outside.
Mister Ekshun: Nonsense! We prepare for such things.
Phil: Ah! The old sensory-deprivation helmet.
Mister Ekshun: I put that baby on, it's almost like I don't have roommates.

Quote from Phil

Mister Ekshun: Yeah, they said they called you and never heard back, so they moved on to me.
Phil: I never got that call!
Claire: Oh! [gasping] I couldn't breathe! I couldn't breathe!
Mister Ekshun: Well, you forgot to turn on the ventilator.
Claire: That was supposed to be my job?
Phil: No. This was supposed to be my job.

Quote from Gloria

Gloria: It's terrible, Jay. And sending Joe in here with scones made it worse!
Joe: [plays pan flute]
Gloria: Silencio, Fulgencio!

Quote from Manny

Woman: [o.s.] Where'd you go, baby bear? -
Manny: [deep voice] Coming, baby bear.
Jay: You're welcome. But two baby bears?
Manny: [normal voice] I'm new at this.

Quote from Cameron

Cameron: Hey, Claire. Quick question. I see that you only have Mitch and I down for one song. Which isn't enough time to tell a story. So we would be willing to cut our set list to six songs.
Claire: Cool. So we'll keep it at one?
Cameron: Okay, so five quick songs, then?
Claire: One song.
Cameron: Okay, I would be willing to close this right now at three songs.
Claire: One quick song, and if you so much as begin to introduce the band, I'll cut the power off.
Cameron: Okay, that is not the way you talk to talent.

Quote from Gloria

Phil: Gloria?
Gloria: [o.s.] I'm in the bathroom! Come in!
Phil: Oh, uh... It's... It's Phil.
Gloria: Come in!
Phil: Phil Dunphy.
Gloria: Phil!

Quote from Phil

Phil: Okay, I'll spin the box two times, you'll have 30 seconds to change into your wedding dress.
Gloria: Or I change into an old pair of pajamas to show the people how comfortable I have always been with Jay.
Phil: Oh, yeah. Sure, Gloria. Why don't we just throw the script out and you can say whatever you want, 'cause the audience already thinks the actors make it all up anyway?! I'm sorry!

Quote from Phil

Gloria: He's very upset because 15 years ago, he missed a phone call for a job to do boat magic.
Jay: That's why you've been sulking all afternoon?
Phil: My life would be completely different if not for stupid fate!
Jay: Fate? Let me ask you something. And there's a real lesson here. Do you like how your life turned out?
Phil: Yeah, sure.
Jay: Great family, steady work, bus benches? I got that call when you weren't home and never gave you the message.
Phil: What question mark, exclamation point?!

Quote from Phil

Phil: Ladies and gentlemen, the scientists would have you believe that time travel is poppycock. But today, on the anniversary of the wonderful Gloria and Jay, I shall confound the skeptics and transport this beautiful woman back in time to the day of her wedding. Gloria, get in the box! Drumroll, please.

Quote from Phil

Phil: Anyway, watch as she disappears into the wormhole. That's my trick. I'm done.
Jay: What do you mean, you're done? Bring her back.
Gloria: [thumping] Okay, I'm ready!
Phil: You made my dream disappear. Now yours is gone.
Gloria: Hola! I want to come out!

Quote from Phil

Claire: Phil. Phil, you are Dede-ing my party.
Phil: Your father Dede'd my life. He's the one who got the phone call 15 years ago about the magic job and never told me.
Claire: Oh, Phil.
Phil: Your family has always treated me like a child who can't make his own decisions. I couldn't even make an outfit choice for the wedding without your mother commenting on it. That's why I slipped her those three drinks at the reception.

Quote from Gloria

Gloria: [thumping] It's very warm back here!
Claire: You need to let Gloria out of that box. And my dad had nothing to do with that. I'm the one who told him not to give you the message.
Gloria: [thumping] Did I miss the "Ta-da"?

Quote from Manny

Jay: You came! Thank God!
Manny: Not because of you. I couldn't enjoy my time with Denise knowing my mother needed me. I mean, I enjoyed it a little. She's a dance major trying to replace food with affection.
Jay: I really don't care.

Quote from Jay

Gloria: You don't understand. I tell people that I work hard to stay fit and to stay young, but the reality is that I barely do anything. But now my body is getting...
Jay: Bigger?
Gloria: How dare you! But yes. [sighs] But I've always looked a certain way. And now that I don't, then what am I? Just a self-trained hairdresser with a hot-sauce business.
Jay: You still have that? Gloria, you're so much more than how you look.
Gloria: That's what you say to people that are not that pretty anymore.
Jay: Are you insane? You could be my age and 30 pounds heavier, and you would still be unbelievably out of my league. Listen, you gain a couple who cares? These have been the best 10 years of my life. I'm in it for every pound, every wrinkle, every gray hair. [Gloria's relatives aww]

Quote from Claire

Claire: I'm sorry I didn't tell you about the job. You're just such a "Go for it" kind of guy, and I love that about you, but in that case, we had three little kids, a mortgage, and I was nervous.
Phil: You could have at least included me in the decision.
Claire: You're right! You're right. And I know "I'm sorry" doesn't begin to cover it.
Phil: Why are we stopping?
Claire: Well, our kids are grown, I run a company, you've got a great day job. I thought maybe it was time you picked up an old hobby.
Phil: Are those...
Claire: Uh, keys to your new magic shop.
Phil: Oh, my God!
Claire: [laughs] Go on!
Phil: What?!
Claire: I know! And Mister Ekshun was willing to let it go for next to nothing. Which, now that I think of it, is probably not a great sign.
Phil: This is awesome! And "Mister Ekshun" I just got that! It's kind of funny that you're making up for making a decision that should have been mine by making another decision for me.


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