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‘Grill, Interrupted’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

Modern Family: Grill, Interrupted

619. Grill, Interrupted

Aired April 1, 2015

As the family gathers to celebrate Jay's birthday, Phil is desperate to impress his father-in-law with a high-tech outdoor grill. As Cameron tries to hide an extravagant purchase from Mitchell, he and Claire commit to repaying money their father money he lent them for their house deposits. Meanwhile, Andy plans to tell Haley how he feels about her.

Quote from Phil

Claire: I do this all the time. She does these amazing things, and I'm so used to it I don't even make a big deal over Caltech.
Phil: I got excited. Doesn't that count?
Claire: Oh, honey, you get excited over everything. You're a born cheerleader. I I just need to make a really big fuss over Alex today. That's all. I know. You're upset because I said that you were a born-
Phil: There's no such thing as a born cheerleader. It takes hard work and sacrifice. You know what a human pyramid is without hours of training? Ten obituaries.

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Quote from Manny

Luke: Did you get it?
Manny: Yep.
Luke: Sweet Mexican treasure.
Manny: I was born in Florida, but thank you.

Quote from Mitchell

Cameron: [smiling] Mitchell, I have some really sad news.
Mitchell: Yes, you seem very broken up.
Cameron: Apparently, I had an uncle, uh, Cyrus who died and out of the blue left me a pretty handsome sum. I-I guess he didn't have a lot of other kin.
Mitchell: Okay, this is the one time I don't mind you saying "kin."

Quote from Claire

Phil: [on the phone] Okay, Gloria just make sure Jay doesn't find out. [phone beeps] Oh, boy! I just heard that. You probably think there's something between me and Gloria. Relax.
Claire: I couldn't be more relaxed if I was in a coma.

Quote from Cameron

Mitchell: I'm really proud of you because there was a time when I wouldn't have even seen this check.
Cameron: Oh, well, yes. You know, I used to be quite the impulse buyer. But I don't even recognize that guy anymore.
Lily: I love my new faux mink, Daddy. I forgot which Gabor sister am I?
Cameron: You're Eva, the classy one, but listen. We need to keep the tags on it, because it's going back.
Lily: Well, then yours is going back too.
Cameron: No. That's a hard thing, because the saleslady said I look like Dr. Zhivago.

Quote from Phil

Mitchell: Get ready to see the best gift ever. Happy birthday!
Jay: It's a grill. I got a grill.
Mitchell: You had a wife too. Didn't mean you couldn't trade up. I give you the Flame XL. My client owns the company. He gave me a crazy good deal. 25,000 wood propane BTUs. That's plenty, right? No! Electric rotisserie! If God wants a hamburger, this is what she cooks it on.

Quote from Claire

Mitchell: Well, if that's her giving you a hard time, I think you got off pretty easy.
Claire: Well, that's true. That one never really went through a rebellious phase.
Mitchell: Remember how wild we were?
Claire: [chuckling] Oh! Were we ever.
Mitchell: [chuckling, sighing] Oh. Were we ever?
Claire: Not really, no. You had your summer of the red Afro and I dated the whitest Puerto Rican on earth.

Quote from Jay

Jay: Do what
Mitchell: Oh, nothing. You're busy.
Jay: Not really. Phil's tinkering with the new grill so you better collect some old photographs for the memorial.

Quote from Lily

Lily: What are you gonna tell Daddy?
Cameron: Well, I guess I'm just gonna tell him I made a mistake. You know, like I say, sweetie, honesty is always the best policy. Unless... And stay with me here.
Lily: Where would I go?
Cameron: I convince your daddy to wait on the apartment upstairs until I have enough time to sell your coat and, if need be, even sell mine.
Lily: Thanks for selling mine first, Dr. Chicago.

Quote from Phil

Mitchell: It's not fair, okay? Dad gave you the same amount of money for your down payment.
Phil: What? Jay loaned us that money?
Mitchell: Oh, my God. You don't know. Yes. Yes. Makes you wonder what else she's lied about, huh?
Phil: Wait. I've owed Jay money for 20 years, and you never told me?
Claire: I didn't think you'd want to take it.
Phil: I finally understand the invisible wall that's been between Jay and me all this time. This is why we're not laughing about that crazy grill taking an awesome selfie with it, posting it on Instagram sending hilarious e-mails back and forth! "Remember when the grill went nuts?" "Oh, yeah. That was hilarious." "You're hilarious." [chuckles]

Quote from Cameron

Cameron: You gave him my money, didn't you?
Mitchell: Your money? I thought you said it was our money.
Cameron: Why would it be our money? You didn't know my Uncle Remus.
Mitchell: Wasn't it Cyrus?
Cameron: I think I would know the name of the saint that practically raised me.

Quote from Phil

Jay: I'm just not comfortable with Vesuvius over there. I hope you can get your money back.
Phil: "Money back." There it is.
Jay: Huh?
Phil: There's a shadow that's been cast over this relationship for quite a while now.
Jay: Is this about that time you were sleepwalking and came in my tent and kissed my neck?
Phil: "Somnamorousness" the condition no one wants to talk about.
Jay: You're right about that.

Quote from Mitchell

Cameron: Okay, don't be mad at Phil. He's not the bad guy here. He is. Look at him, sitting over there like he's the king of the world.
Mitchell: What father takes money from his own children?
Claire: Not like he needs it. He lives in this palace.
Mitchell: Meanwhile, our whole family's sharing a bathroom the size of his closet. I know. I've paced it out.

Quote from Luke

Luke: Funny. I always thought I'd be found dead in a bird suit at the bottom of the Grand Canyon.
Manny: You still will, buddy. You still will.
Gloria: [camera shutter clicks] If I ever catch you drinking again your whole school is going to see this picture.
Manny: Sh-Sh-She tricked us.
Luke: I know. As soon as we kill this worm, we're gonna get her back.

Quote from Claire

Alex: I just got accepted into Caltech.
Phil: You did? That is incredible! We're gonna have a famous scientist in the family!
Claire: Uh, not that there's any shame in learning a trade. Air conditioners are always gonna break.
Luke: I looked into it. It's a lot of classes.

Quote from Manny

Manny: So, is that a birthday present for you or an extremely late midlife crisis?
Jay: I don't think "extremely" is necessary. It's on loan kind of a weekend-long test drive.
Manny: Wow. I walk into a store, they make me leave my backpack behind the counter.
Jay: It's an old car salesman's trick. They're hoping I'd fall in love with it and never give it back. But I can't justify buying it any more than you can justify that hat.

Quote from Andy

Andy: [aside to camera] I was seeing Haley for the first time since she came to visit me in the hospital. She said some pretty heavy stuff. She didn't know I heard. I tried for a couple weeks to forget about it and just go on with Beth but I couldn't stop thinking about Haley. So, today's the day I'm finally gonna have the big talk.

Quote from Andy

Andy: There's a cooler of drinks out back! Help yourselves! Hey. Where's Haley? Is she coming?
Alex: The last time Haley informed me of her plans, she said "Ha, ha. I'm going to Cabo, and you're not."
Andy: [chuckling] She's the best.

Quote from Jay

Jay: But it's got all those doodads. I don't know what to do with those doodads.
Phil: You're doing a great job of hiding your excitement about this gift. Look, it's simplicity itself. You just turn on the gas, hit the electric starter. [starter clicking] Hit the electric starter.
Jay: Phil, you might want to lay off- [gas lights]
Phil: Oh! I'm fine. Healthy as ever.
Jay: I'd know if you weren't, 'cause I just saw your skeleton.

Quote from Gloria

Gloria: Looking for something?
Luke: Aaah! Uh, yeah you. [chuckles] I just wanted to say what a nice party you put together.
Gloria: The secret is to know what your guests want and I know what you want.
Manny: Hey, Luke. Quick lesson. This is a coaster. It prevents rings. Thanks to you and your Dr. Pepper my teak end table upstairs looks like the Olympic flag. Think, Luke.
Gloria: Yes. Think, Luke.

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