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‘Starry Night’ Quotes

Modern Family: Starry Night

118. Starry Night

Aired March 24, 2010

Mitchell is upset when Jay invites Manny along to watch a meteor shower, one of the few activities they have in common. Meanwhile, Phil and Claire take different paths to help their kids with school projects, and Cameron and Gloria spend an evening out together.

Quote from Luke

Luke: Why did he paint The Starry Night? Maybe because the sky is beautiful, and everybody likes looking at it, and it reminds us that something's up there watching over all of us- Aliens, who could be here in a second to liquefy us and use us as fuel. So wake up, people. We're next.
Alex: Mom! You better get down here!

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Quote from Luke

Luke: [wearing noise-cancelling headphones] Wah! Wah! No one can hear me now. Whoo! Everybody is stupid except me. Ha, ha, ha. I am funny.

Quote from Phil

Phil: Claire, I know you've got your methods, but so do I. And I'm sorry, but I'm not a micromanager. Trust me, I can provide Luke with the tools and guidance he needs without, uh, smothering him.
Claire: You think I smother our child?
Phil: It's not your fault, honey. "Mother" is part of the word. You never hear of anyone being "sfathered" to death.

Quote from Cameron

Cameron: Make sure your seat is exactly the way you want it, and feel free to play with any of these controls up here. I have no idea what they do. But I want mi car to be su car.
Gloria: Cameron, are you okay? You seem nervous.
Cameron: Uh, nervous? No. I'm not nervous. [tapping steering wheel]
[aside to camera:]
Cameron: I was nervous. I mean, when Mitchell made plans with his father, I figured, why not spend the evening with Gloria? I've always wanted to be good friends with her. On paper, we should be good friends. Look at us. One spicy, curvy diva-
Mitchell: And Gloria.

Quote from Alex

Alex: I know what Luke's problem is. He's got A.D.H.D.
Claire: No.
Luke: No, I don't! What is it?
Alex: I'd tell you, but you'd wander off before I got to the "H." [Luke walks off]

Quote from Mitchell

Mitchell: [aside to camera] Tonight is the magnificent Lyrid meteor shower.
Cameron: It's where the planet Geek passes through the Nerdy Way. It- Oh, you know I think it's sweet. Every couple years, Mitchell and his father go out and enjoy one of these showers together.
Mitchell: Oh, I- I wouldn't necessarily put it that way. I mean, yes, me and my father enjoy it, because we don't share a lot of the same interests. Like, um, I-I never went to sports games with him.
Cameron: Probably because you call 'em "sports games." Just lose the "sports."
Mitchell: Just- Just games.

Quote from Cameron

Cameron: [aside to camera] The problem is, I had a little minor setback that we had to overcome from a couple weeks ago.
[flashback:]
Cameron: I cannot stand hanging out with his lvy League friends.
Claire: Oh, they're the worst.
Mitchell: They're not that bad.
Claire: They are the worst!
Cameron: Are you kidding me? Debbie can't go two minutes without talking about Columbia University. And the little guy with the lazy eye from Harvard.
Mitchell: Brown.
Cameron: Whatever. Honestly, I wish that tart would go back to Columbia and take her weird little Brown friend with her.

Quote from Haley

Haley: [aside to camera] My mom's not dumb. You can't just ask her to do something for you. You have to very carefully put the cheese in the trap. ... And snap. Is it bad that I feel sorry for her?

Quote from Phil

Luke: So how do I start?
Phil: What do you think?
Luke: I don't know. Mom usually tells me what to do.
Phil: Join the club. I'm kidding. I love your mom.

Quote from Manny

Manny: Hey, Jay. Look who thinks Mercury is the densest planet in the solar system.
Mitchell: I take it from your mocking tone that I am incorrect.
Jay: Densest planet is Earth.
Manny: Which makes you the densest guy on the densest planet. Zing!

Quote from Manny

Manny: Hey, Jay, is that Venus? 'Cause I can smell the clouds of pure sulfuric acid from here. Slam!

Quote from Manny

Jay: The trouble is your clothes. Just take them off. I think there's a blanket in the trunk.
Mitchell: You sure, Dad? You're not worried I might stink up the blanket?
Jay: Don't worry about it. We just use it to cover up the seat for when Manny's all sweaty after his tango class.
Manny: If you don't sweat, you're not doing it right.

Quote from Alex

Alex: Listen to these symptoms of A.D.H.D. And tell me it's not Luke.
Claire: Alex!
[over montage of Phil in the garage looking for a screwdriver before being distracted]
Alex: "Easily distracted by irrelevant stimuli." "Often impulsively abandons one task for another." "A tendency to act without regard to consequences, often at the expense of personal safety." "Having accidents more often"-
Claire: Okay, you know what, I think that's enough, Alex. We've got it.

Quote from Jay

Jay: You know, you don't look that ridiculous. Now, you actually got the legs for it.
Mitchell: Dad.
Jay: No, I'm just saying, if you were that type of a gay-
Mitchell: Dad!
Jay: You'd probably do all right for yourself.

Quote from Gloria

Gloria: You know, this part of town might be very rough, but the people here, Cameron- the best.
Cameron: I'm pretty sure I had wheels when I parked here.
Gloria: Ayayay! Who did this?
Cameron: No, it's okay, Gloria.
Gloria: Who did this? You coward son of bitches!
Cameron: It's okay, everybody! I'm- I'm insured!
Gloria: What? What? You scared? You scared to show your face, little girl?
Cameron: No, it's all right, everybody!
Gloria: Cameron, wait in the car!
Cameron: Gloria, I think it's drivable.

Quote from Luke

Claire: Do we still have the number for Poison Control?
Phil: I love you, Claire. I'll always love you!
Luke: My mouth is asleep, like at the dentist.
Phil: Get over here, buddy.


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