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‘Alone Time’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

Modern Family: Alone Time

821. Alone Time

Aired May 10, 2017

Mitchell decides he needs a little break from his family, so he tells Cameron that he's heading to a hotel in the desert. After Jay gets wind of Mitchell's idea, he makes the same plan. Back home, Cameron struggles to spend the evening alone, so he checks in on Gloria and Manny. Meanwhile, Phil and Claire wonder if they'll ever have the empty-nest lifestyle they've been waiting for.

Quote from Cameron

Gloria: It's a bad time, Cam. Turns out, it wasn't the allergies. I feel terrible. You shouldn't be close to me. I don't want to get you sick.
Cameron: Oh, gosh. No danger of that. I have the immune system of a horse. When I was a kid, I needed a transfusion, and there was a mix-up with the vials. I've contacted Marvel Comics repeatedly, but they don't seem interested.

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Quote from Phil

Claire: So we're running away from home. I mean, i-i- Is that okay?
Phil: Yes. We live with three adults. We're basically landlords in an apartment building. We're the Ropers!

Quote from Jay

Jay: You said Cam wouldn't let you come. I thought it was safe.
Mitchell: Safe to what, steal my special day?
Jay: Well, you made it sound so good! The pool, the steak, no one to talk to.
Mitchell: Well, now we have someone to talk to. Thanks a lot.
Jay: Look, the place is gigantic. You do your thing, I'll do mine.
Mitchell: Oh, my God. Dad, you even stole the book that I'm reading.
Jay: When you were over at the house, I peeked at the jacket. I'm not gonna read something Larry King called "Crazy good"?

Quote from Mitchell

Joe: I'll fly there.
Gloria: Okay, vamanos!
Jay: Kid loves that cape.
Mitchell: So, I see your stance on sons wearing accessories has evolved.
Jay: The cape gives him superpowers. What did leg warmers give you?
Mitchell: Flair. They gave me flair.

Quote from Alex

Alex: You know what's not real conducive to studying? 1200 nerds crying in every different Asian language! You knew finals were coming, people. Calm the hell down!

Quote from Alex

Luke: Oh, good. You're here. Do we have any corn?
Phil: What is happening? Are those chickens?
Luke: Epic senior prank.
Alex: Don't make it too epic. How will you top it next year?

Quote from Dylan

Haley: Guess who I found driving through the neighborhood who insisted on stopping over to say hi with his new wife and her kids!
Dylan: It was me! Dylan. You know, from before?
Phil & Claire: Yeah.

Quote from Cameron

Cameron: All right. Ground chicken beak. Mashed crickets. [gasps] Ew! Cilantro? Ugh.

Quote from Phil

Phil: We've earned the right to live the empty-nesters' life even though we're still full-nesters.
Claire: Oh, my God! Do you remember that bottle of wine we put aside the night Haley was born?
Phil: Yes! We were gonna open it the night all three of them moved out.
Claire: Uh-huh.
Phil: And watch one of the thousands of movies we missed 'cause they were sick or hungry or choking on the head of a Power Ranger.
Claire: I am a woman who has never seen "Thelma and Louise."
Phil: That's the only Harvey Keitel movie I've missed!

Quote from Gloria

Gloria: Ay! I must have fallen asleep.
Cameron: I don't see how. The fumes coming off of that potion are something else.
Gloria: Yes. When we're done with this, don't throw it out because with a teaspoon, I can clean the swimming pool.

Quote from Gloria

Gloria: Ay, no! No! You used Joe's cape for the smelly thing? You know how important this is for him?
Cameron: No.
Gloria: It goes me, the cape, chocolate chip cookies, and then Jay!
Cameron: Well, can't we just say Jay ruined it, since he's already so far down the list?

Quote from Joe

Joe: Has anyone seen my cape?
Cameron: Uh, no. What's it look like?
Joe: Like a cape! Sorry. It's just so stressful.

Quote from Manny

Cameron: Oh, no! No!
Manny: What?
Cameron: That's Joe's cape!
Manny: [gasps] Oh, no! Joe loves this cape more than anything. It goes me, the cape, chocolate chip cookies...

Quote from Cameron

Joe: It looks like a monster ate it!
Cameron: Exactly. See? It tells a story. This burn is from when you fought a dragon! A-And these oil stains? Well, they're from when you saved that 18-wheeler from going off a bridge. This is the cape of a superhero who's always there for people in need.
Joe: Wow!
Cameron: Fly away!

Quote from Dylan

Dylan: Anyway, I just wanted to pick something up that I left here. [drawer opens, Dylan picks up a Rubik's cube] Bam! Oh, wait. Uh... Bam! Your dad did that. Yellow's the hardest side.

Quote from Phil

Phil: Oh, hello, Claire.
Claire: Hi, honey. I just got back from the most beaut... Oh!
Phil: [on projected video] Oh, indeed. Welcome to your pre-recorded seduction.
Claire: Mama likes!
Phil: Papa knows.
[aside to camera:]
Phil: That's right. I know my wife so well, I was able to anticipate her questions before she asked them.

Quote from Phil

Claire: Well, this is kind of fun.
Phil: [on projected video] The sexiest? I don't know. The world's a pretty big place. Help yourself to a glass of wine, my love.
Claire: Oh, it's kind of early in the day, but how often do we get the house completely to ourselves?
Phil: Easy, thirsty! I've got plans for you. Hint. this won't be the last time you see me on a sheet today. [snaps fingers] Now you.
Claire: Well, I guess your beautiful lunch will have to wait.
Phil: [door opens] Someone's here! No, Claire!
Claire: What?
Phil: [on video] Yes, Claire. Show me those pretty feet.

Quote from Cameron

Cameron: ♪ Watching sports with my feet on the table ♪ ♪ This is the best ♪ ♪ This is the best ♪ ♪ Being alone is the best ♪
[cut to Cameron arriving at Gloria's house:]
Cameron: "Rescue Me."
Gloria: What?
Cameron: That was the name of the TV show I couldn't remember at dinner last week.

Quote from Manny

Manny: As you can see, I've got a lot of work to do, so...
Sierra: Yeah, we only have another half-hour. I promised my dad I'd get an oil change.
Cameron: Oh, well, Manny can do that.
Sierra: Really?
Cameron: Yeah! Pull your car into the garage. Just be careful not to hit his weight set or his power tools.
Sierra: Wow. That would be awesome.
Manny: Cam, I know you're trying to help, but stop. I'm clueless about cars, and I really don't want her hitting Mom's weight set.

Quote from Claire

Phil: Haley crying about Dylan, Alex freaking out about school, this is like a big déjà vu.
Claire: No, déjà vu is when you imagine that you've seen something before. This is just vu!
Luke: In hindsight, I should have pulled my head out before I nailed the post back in.
Phil: Buddy.
Luke: Live and learn.
Claire: If only you ever did.

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