Cameron Quote #178
Cameron: [affected accent] The tribe elders foretold that though I lay with fire-haired man, the giving hawk would bring us baby with her skin the color of sweet corn, which my people call maize.
Mitchell: Okay. Please stop.
Mr. Plympton: Well, uh-
Cameron: Knowledge is her sustenance. Like so much maize which, you'll remember, means corn.
Mitchell: What if I was a single dad?
Quote from Gloria
Jay: Why didn't you just tell me this in the first place?
Gloria: Ay, like you would be okay with me stealing a dog.
Gloria: Exactly. That's why I didn't tell you. Now the dog is happy, Manny can sleep, and we have pickles.
Jay: Okay, it worked out this time, but don't forget that stealing is against the law. Now maybe in Colombia-
Gloria: Ah, here we go. Because in Colombia, we trip over goats and we kill people in the street. Do you know how offensive that is? Like we're Peruvians!
Quote from Mitchell
Mitchell: We have got to get her into school, or else she's gonna fall behind.
Cameron: Don't you think I know that?
Mitchell: This is perfect. Leave it to the gays to raise the only underachieving Asian in America.
Quote from Send Out the Clowns
Cameron: [aside to camera] This week, the world lost a great man, and I lost a mentor. For nearly 60 years, Professor Ringmaster Al Uzielli helped young hopefuls like me find their clown persona.
Mitchell: "Professor Ringmaster"?
Cameron: It's a very prestigious title at Clown College. One step below Piemaster General.
Quote from Alone Time
Gloria: It's a bad time, Cam. Turns out, it wasn't the allergies. I feel terrible. You shouldn't be close to me. I don't want to get you sick.
Cameron: Oh, gosh. No danger of that. I have the immune system of a horse. When I was a kid, I needed a transfusion, and there was a mix-up with the vials. I've contacted Marvel Comics repeatedly, but they don't seem interested.
Quote from Catch of the Day
Mitchell: When did we decide that Lily could go to Disneyland? I thought we were gonna talk about this.
Cameron: She's missing one day of school. I missed half of the fifth grade because of a pig bite, and I'm just as educated as anyone else.
Mitchell: Really? When we met, you thought you grew up in Central America.
Cameron: Missouri is in the center of America.
Mitchell: Okay. You also thought that the cavemen killed the dinosaurs.
Cameron: Were you there?