Previous Episode Next Episode 

38Quotes from ‘See You Next Fall’

Modern Family: See You Next Fall

223. See You Next Fall

Aired May 18, 2011

As the family gathers for Alex's middle-school graduation, Jay tries to hide the fact he got botox. Cameron is upset that Mitchell laughed at him falling into a pool. Phil tries to bring Claire's emotions to the fore so her inevitable sadness won't affect his trip to Vegas.

Quote from Haley

Alex: People want to be challenged. They're gonna respect me for it.
Haley: No one's ever gonna talk to you again.
Alex: So what? Mahatma Gandhi went on a hunger strike for what he believed in.
Haley: That's 'cause no one would eat with him in the cafeteria.

Quote from Haley

Haley: Sorry, Alex, but you will thank me one day.
Alex: Please. You really think I don't have duplicates?
Haley: If you do this you'll be a social piranha.
Alex: Yes. I'll be an Amazonian carnivorous fish.
Haley: Carniv- What?

Quote from Alex

Alex: It's ironic that I stand up here representing my classmates when... they're so awesome. They should be up here themselves. But I'm up here and... I'm sayin' stuff... 'cause... everybody's got their stuff, whether you're popular or a drama geek, or a cheerleader or even a nerd like me. We all have our insecurities.
Cameron: Yes, we do.
Alex: We're all just trying to figure out who we are. I guess what I'm trying to say is... Don't stop believin'. Get this party started.

Quote from Phil

Phil: And in this corner, finishing first in her class delivering the commencement address, weighing in at- What do you weigh, honey?
Alex: Dad!
Phil: A healthy amount for a girl her age. Are you gettin' all this, buddy?
Luke: Pure gold.
Phil: She's the main brain, the cerebellum of the ball, Alex Dunphy!
Alex: Oh, keep rolling. The news will want this footage when I eventually snap.

Quote from Phil

Phil: [aside to camera] Family milestones always throw Claire for a loop. She holds it in, and then the next day she has a total meltdown and I have to pick up the pieces. The problem is tomorrow I'm supposed to go to Vegas with my buds so I need her to melt down today. Otherwise, what happens in Vegas won't happen to me, because I won't be there. "Guys, I can't go to Vegas because my wife's freaking out." Trust me, that is not a phone call you wanna make to a bunch of ex-college male cheerleaders. They will mock you with a hurtful rhythmic taunt.

Quote from Manny

Gloria: [answering phone] Hello?
Jay: Gloria, it's me.
Gloria: Hi. How was the doctor? Can you pick up some bread on the way home, please?
Jay: I'm home. My damn gate remote won't work. Could you press-
Manny: Hello?
Jay: Nine?
Gloria: Manny, it's okay.
Manny: What's okay? What's wrong? Where are you calling from?
Gloria: I'm not calling from. Jay is calling.
Manny: What's wrong with Jay?
Gloria: My clicker won't work.
Manny: Oh, my God. Your heart's not working? How could you tell us this over the phone?

Quote from Jay

Jay: [aside to camera] I got Botox. Stupid doctor talked me into it, and now it's drifting. I haven't felt this dumb since I shelled out 30 bucks for that bracelet, supposed to give me better balance.

Quote from Haley

Alex: It's ironic that I stand up here representing my classmates when, for the past three years most of them have treated me like I'm invisible. It's my own fault. I was obsessed with good grades instead of looks popularity and skinny jeans.
Haley: What? Is that your speech?
Alex: Get out of here!
Haley: You cannot say that!
Alex: Yes, I can. And you wanna know why? 'Cause it's the truth.
Haley: No one wants to hear the truth. It's very simple, Alex. In order to give a good speech, all you have to do is take a song and say it. Like, "Don't Stop Believing," or "Get this Party Started."
Alex: That's means nothing.
Haley: Who cares? Nobody wants to think. It's a graduation a celebration of being done with thinking.

Quote from Jay

Gloria: Jay, that's not looking very good.
Jay: It's fine.
Manny: Quick. Who's the president.
Phil: Obama!
Manny: Phil, please. I'm trying to rule out a stroke.
Jay: It's not a stroke. Why does everybody always assume I'm having a stroke?
Claire: Age.
Manny: Diet.
Gloria: You forgot to bring my bread.

Quote from Manny

Manny: Hey, Luke. Do you realize in two years you and I will be graduating?
Luke: Not now. I think I'm moving the ball with my mind.
Manny: Well, I'll be graduating.

Quote from Cameron

Cameron: Hold on. I think I can fix this. - I just need a paper clip, some olive oil and a ribbon.
Jay: What's the plan, "MacGayver"?
Cameron: Actually, the paper clip is to connect these two circuits and the olive oil is to lubricate the mechanism. And the hair ribbon is for Lily. Her hair's been driving me crazy all day.

Quote from Gloria

Gloria: Wait, wait, wait! I save the day. Let's take this crazy bicycle. We throw it over the gate then we take Phil and we take Claire and then we throw them over the gate too.
Mitchell: What the hell is that?
Gloria: Jay bought it. He thought we were gonna use it all the time but I keep hitting my boobs with my knees.
Jay: Champagne problems, right? Honey, they're not gonna ride the bike.
Gloria: Yeah, but I still think that we should throw it over the gate.

Quote from Claire

Claire: It's not okay, Phil. It's not okay. We're losing her.
Phil: Alex?
Claire: Yes.
Phil: You're not losing her.
Claire: Oh, we are. She's going to high school. This is just when I lost Haley. This is when Haley went from being my sweet little angel to being a moody, texting, snotty little princess who hates me.
Phil: Haley doesn't hate you. And we're not losing her.
Claire: Do you remember when you used to come home from work and Haley would meet you at the door in her little Aladdin pajamas? You know, and she'd stick her arms up in the air and say "Daddy, Daddy, take me on a magic carpet ride." Remember that? When was the last time Haley was that excited to see you?
Phil: I don't remember. It's been so long.
Claire: We're losing another one. That's what kids do. They leave. They leave and they and they don't come back.
Phil: Oh, well, ours will come back. Right?
Claire: What if they don't and pretty soon it's just the two of us?
Phil: [sobbing] I don't wanna go to Vegas anymore.
Claire: I know.
Phil: I just wanna hug 'em and embarrass 'em in front of their friends.

Quote from Phil

Haley: I thought Sanjay Patel was first in the class.
Alex: He was until he missed a few weeks and the robot he was building attacked him.
Phil: It's happening, people. Our hubris will be our undoing.

Quote from Phil

Claire: Sweetie, what do you say you and I go and get our nails done, huh?
Alex: It's okay. I wanna work on my speech.
Phil: Been there. I remember the speech that won me treasurer of my high school Spanish club. Mi nombre es Felipe. Yo voy a la escuela-
Claire: Felipe?
Phil: It was kind of a grande deal. I was up against an actual Puerto Rican.

Quote from Jay

Jay: [on the phone] My heart is fine. Would somebody please press nine and let me in?
Gloria: Okay.
Manny: Got it. [two button tones]
Jay: It won't work if you're both on the line.
Manny: Okay.
Gloria: Okay. [two disconnect tones]
Jay: Every damn time!

Quote from Cameron

Mitchell: Okay, Lily, time to get dressed.
Cameron: I can't believe Alex is gonna be in high school. I feel so old.
Mitchell: Well, you feel old? I was there when she was born in the delivery room. If I wasn't gay before...
Cameron: Oh, please. You wouldn't have lasted two minutes on a farm. I've witnessed all kinds of birthing. Never batted an eye. I've seen cattle. I've seen hogs. I've seen goats. I've even seen the three-legged... [falls in the pool] Oh! Whoa!
Mitchell: [laughing hysterically] Oh, my God. Oh, my God. I'm sorry.
Cameron: Really, Mitchell? I could have just died.

Quote from Phil

Phil: Hey, Mama Bear. You okay?
Claire: Not with "Mama Bear" I'm not.
Phil: Don't cry.
Claire: I'm not crying.
Phil: Shh! Don't be brave. I'm here for you... [aside to camera] until 2:00 p.m. tomorrow, when my flight leaves for Vegas.

Quote from Cameron

Claire: Luke, stop pushing that ball around. You're gonna fall in.
Cameron: Oh, yes, and then your Uncle Mitchell will laugh at your expense. I'm just saying. It's a character flaw.
Mitchell: Okay, quick poll here. This morning, Cam fully dressed-
Jay: Thank God it's one of those stories.
Mitchell: While in the middle of a very serious thought fell into a ducky pool.
Phil: Oh, my goodness. Are you all right?
Cameron: Yes, I am. Thank you. That is a normal reaction, love and concern.

Quote from Cameron

Mitchell: Okay, wait, wait. The pool popped.
Gloria: Ay, poor thing.
Claire: There's nothing worse than a tailbone injury.
Mitchell: Seriously? No, no, no. You're so full of it. You know this is funny. Picture this, falling into a tiny pool.
Cameron: He'll be here all week, folks. Literally, because you're not coming home with me.

Quote from Phil

Claire: There she is. There's my little Stella. That's my girl. Hi, sweetie. You're so cute I just want to eat your face!
Phil: Aww. You remember when you used to hold Alex like that and you wanted to eat her face?
Claire: Yeah.
Phil: Now she's off to high school.
Claire: Mmm.
Phil: Time marches on, huh?
Claire: Yep.
Phil: You know what's really sad?
Claire: What?
Phil: The end of Titanic.

Quote from Cameron

Cameron: Wow. Now it makes sense. It's a Pritchett thing. Cruelty's genetic.

Quote from Jay

Jay: The reason my face looks like this is because I had Botox.
Gloria: Like the ladies use for their wrinkles?
Jay: Well, actually, nearly 10% of their sales are men, but that's not important. I had a bad reaction. Hit a nerve or something. It's gonna go away soon.

Quote from Manny

Gloria: He's fine. It was a false alarm.
Claire: What do you mean, a false alarm? His face looks like a candle.
Jay: You heard her. I'm okay.
Manny: She's not a doctor.
Jay: Neither are you.
Manny: Technically.

Quote from Phil

Mitchell: Okay, look. I don't know what's going on here, but there is no way that this is normal. You look like a Botox job gone horribly wrong. No, my God! You didn't.
Claire: Of course he didn't. Did you?
Jay: No.
Claire: You did!
Cameron: What were you thinking? You're a veteran.
Jay: Enough! This conversation is ended. Let's go.
Phil: Do you think he got his butt done too? It looks fantastic.

Quote from Jay

Claire: Dad, open the gate.
Jay: Aw, geez. Not now!
Claire: What? What's happening?
Jay: It's stuck again.
Claire: What do you mean it's stuck? Can't you get it open?
Jay: What do you think "stuck" means, Claire?

Quote from Phil

Claire: So Phil and I will go over first and then you guys will throw over the bike.
Phil: Step up. I'll boost you.
Claire: Couldn't we get a ladder?
Phil: Please. On cheer squad I boosted girls bigger than you to the top of a human pyramid. Now, arms at your side. Straight like a pencil. One, two, we are Bulldogs.

Quote from Haley

Haley: Do you hate me?
Alex: What?
Haley: You talk about how all the popular kids are shallow and lame.
Alex: I didn't mean you.
Haley: You think you have everyone figured out but everybody has their stuff.
Alex: What stuff do you have? Too many boys chasing after you? Too many parties?
Haley: You really wanna know what stuff I have?
Alex: Yeah.
Haley: I'm flunking out of Biology, and now I have to go to summer school. My friends, all they can ever talk about nowadays is going off to college and I don't even know if I can get into college. Is that enough stuff for you?

Quote from Haley

Haley: You know what? Fine. Give your stupid speech. Be an outcast. But you're only doing it to yourself, because you're smart and pretty and sort of funny in a way that I don't really get but other people seem to enjoy. So you can either start fresh next year or be the freak who flipped off her class.
Alex: You really think I'm pretty?
Haley: Shut up!

Quote from Mitchell

Mitchell: Cam, please be careful.
Cameron: Why? If I get electrocuted my hat might blow off and that would be funny as hell, right?
Mitchell: [stifling laughter] No. No.

Quote from Manny

Manny: Hey, Jay! I know you're feeling self-conscious so I dug up something I thought might help.
Jay: Put that thing away.
Manny: I knew you'd say that, but hear me out. This was designed to make a hideously disfigured man look super cool. It's perfect for you. Ooh, yikes. Okay, I'll go upstairs and see if I have a lefty.

Quote from Jay

Jay: Don't look at me like that.
Gloria: I have to say that I am a little disappointed in you doing this thing.
Jay: Not me. I feel real good about it.
Gloria: How many times do I have to tell you that you don't have to look young for me?
Jay: I didn't do it for you.
Gloria: What is her name?
Jay: Stop. Most of the time I walk around, in my head, I'm 40. And I look in the mirror I say, "Who's that old man? And what's he doing in my bathroom?"
Gloria: Well, it's my bathroom too, and I like when the old guy is there. This is the face that I fell in love with. Not this face, this one.

Quote from Luke

Cameron: The gate's opening. The gate's opening!
Mitchell: How did you do that?
Cameron: I didn't do anything.
Luke: I did it. I opened it with my mind.

Quote from Phil

Claire: And Alex, my God. If we miss this speech Honey, she's a middle child. She will never forgive us.
Phil: I'm not missing that speech! [flagging down a pick-up truck] Hello! Hello!
Claire: What's the plan, Phil?
Phil: Mi nombre es Felipe. Yo voy a la escuela.
Guy: You need a ride to the school?
Phil: Yes, please.
Claire: "Felipe"!

Quote from Jay

Mitchell: I'm sorry I laughed.
Cameron: I don't need an apology but I will say your behavior today has been very eye-opening. No offense, Jay.
Jay: None taken. You look like an iceberg.

Quote from Cameron

Mitchell: Cam, you have lost all credibility.
Cameron: It's completely different.
Mitchell: How?
Cameron: It's the juxtaposition of absurdist comedy against the backdrop of a formal setting. Not a big-boned man falling into a pool.

Quote from Luke

Mitchell: [to Alex] We are so proud of you. Come here.
Luke: Hello! I opened the gate with my mind.

Quote from Phil

Phil: [aside to camera] Chu-chunk. Hysterical wife, hysterical wife, hysterical wife. Jackpot.


 Episode 222 Episode 224