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‘Games People Play’ Quotes

Modern Family: Games People Play

423. Games People Play

Aired May 15, 2013

After Phil gets a brand new RV with hopes of taking the family on a summer road trip, Claire decides to let him learn the hard way that the whole family being cooped up in a moving vehicle is a terrible idea. Jay and Gloria go on a wild goose chase for Manny's misplaced backpack, breaking into Claire and Mitchell's houses along the way. Meanwhile, Mitchell and Cameron get into the competitive spirit when they support Lily at a gymnastics class.

Quote from Manny

Jay: Why are you so scattered lately?
Gloria: Aw, he's just nervous because of his poetry reading tonight. But don't worry, papi. I am going to be there to support you.
[aside to camera:]
Manny: I don't want my mom there. I'm exploring some darker themes I'm not sure she's ready for, poems like "The Umbilical Noose," "A Jail Called Mom," "Smother Nature." She'll just find some way to make it all about her.

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Quote from Haley

Luke: Dad's in the middle of a super sad dude hug.
Alex: We really disappointed him.
Haley: Yeah, maybe we should just suck it up and go to Jellystone this summer.

Quote from Claire

Phil: This summer - you, me, the kids, - Yellowstone National Park. And that's just the Verona, he offered me an Amalfi. An Amalfi, Claire! That makes the Umbria look like a Portofino!
Claire: Well, they should've called it the Roman, 'cause that's what we're about to be doin'.
Phil: I'm really not following you.

Quote from Claire

Claire: [aside to camera] Ten days on the road with those kids? Winnebag-no. I hate it when Phil does this.
Now I have to be the bad guy who comes in and squelches his brilliant idea. I said no.
[cut to:]
Claire: I said no. Get it out of my house.
Phil: Fine. [to alpaca] Come on, Jolene.
[back:]
Claire: Fortunately, this time, I don't have to be the wet blanket, because even on just a short spin up the coast, Phil will see what I see every day. The transformation that happens when our kids are locked in a moving metal box. The kraken that is unleashed. I love my kids very, very much.

Quote from Jay

Manny: But my backpack is in there, Jay, my poem for my poetry reading.
Jay: Calm down. Didn't you back it up on your computer?
Manny: What kind of man writes poetry on a computer?
Jay: You could've ended that sentence after "poetry."
Gloria: Come in. And no questions.

Quote from Jay

Manny: My backpack wasn't upstairs. What's that?
Jay: Postcard from a friend of Claire's, Rachel. "Living it up in Club Med Cozumel." Looks like that marriage went down the drain. In other shocking news, Phil subscribes to a trampoline magazine.
Manny: Going through other people's mail, keeping it classy, Jay.

Quote from Manny

Manny: Mom, my backpack isn't in Luke's room.
Gloria: I don't see it in here, either.
Manny: I don't think it would fit in there.
Gloria: Ay, this was open when I came in. I was just looking for an aspirin. I thought that I heard some noises.
Manny: So you were snooping?
Gloria: Oh, so now it's snooping, wanting to know more about your family by looking through their personal things?
Manny: Not just now. Since the invention of things.

Quote from Claire

Claire: [aside to camera] Obviously, the novelty of the situation was delaying the inevitable. But I didn't want to get halfway into a trip to Yellowstone before Phil discovered what malevolent hellspawn we have for children. Whom I love very much.

Quote from Cameron

Cameron: Okay, she's all set. I defy you to find a tighter bun in this gymnasium.
Mitchell: Lot of different ways you could've said that.
Cameron: Oh, and good luck on your floor routine, sweetie. Not that you need it. That's Abby. She's the best in class. She's our competition. I've never wanted to beat a kid so badly.
Mitchell: Are you not hearing these?

Quote from Gloria

Jay: Not only do we get blown off, now they're making fun of us. Well, I'm just gonna leave them a little message. As far as I'm concerned, they can all...
Gloria: Horse mouth! That's a good one!
Jay: No, "horse mouth" is not an expression. You can't get this? Look. Donkey.
Gloria: That's not a donkey.
Jay: Look at the ears.
Gloria: Okay. Donkey mouth!
Jay: That's a terrible guess.
Gloria: That's a terrible drawing!

Quote from Cameron

Cameron: Okay, now you're overcompensating.
Mitchell: I have to! You saw what a monster I was out there. This- This is the exact thing I always hated in my dad, that ugly macho testosterone drive to win, and today it has flowered in me.
Cameron: Well-
Mitchell: No, this ends today, Cam. I am not passing this on to Lily.
Cameron: Well, it's not all on you. You know, I'm beginning to think maybe I did sabotage Abby's hair. I didn't spray. I didn't Beyonce. I basically built a ticking time bun.

Quote from Mitchell

Cameron: Uh, Lily, did you pull the pins out of Julie's hair?
Lily: Yeah, she fell.
Cameron: Oh. Okay, um I- Could I get everyone's attention for just a moment?
Mitchell: We consider what our daughter just did to be an embarrassment to the sport of gymnastics.
Cameron: I assure you, she did not learn this from us.
Mitchell: And as far as we are concerned, that is a sign of weakness.
Cameron: Not the way a winner behaves, but the way-
Both: A loser behaves.
Cameron: Come on, Lily. Let's get your grips and tiger paws. You're going to a time-out.
Mitchell: Yeah. A nice long one.
[aside to camera:]
Lily: I made pre-team, and my daddies get to watch from outside.
Cameron: No closer than 100 feet.
Mitchell: But we're appealing.

Quote from Gloria

Gloria: It's true, Jay. I cheated. I cheat a little bit every time that we come to the game night. I think Mitch saw me the last time, and that's why they don't want to play with us anymore.
Jay: But why would you do that?
Gloria: I don't know! Maybe because I don't want you to think that I am not smart.
Jay: I would never think that. And besides, it's my fault, anyway. The kid is right. I'm too competitive. Lost a game of Yahtzee once. The dice are still on the wall.
Gloria: Yeah, but at least you're not a cheater. I feel like such a donkey mouth.

Quote from Luke

Luke: Summer school. I'm failing pre-algebra.
Claire: Why didn't you say something?
Luke: I don't know. I feel stupid. You know what it's like to follow her? All the teachers look at me and think that I'm some kind of irrational remainder. Did I use that right?
Alex: No.
Luke: Dang it.

Quote from Alex

Haley: Yeah, who have you been talking to so much lately? Aaron?
Claire: Who's Aaron?
Alex: Actually, it's two boys, Aaron and Alex.
Claire: Oh, two boys.
Haley: A boy named Alex likes you?
Alex: Yeah, I know. It's weird. But my friend Andi with an "I" - she's a girl - also liked Alex.
Haley: The boy?
Alex: Yes, the boy. I don't refer to myself in the third person.
Luke: I thought Aaron was the third person.


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