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‘En Garde’ Quotes Page 1 of 3

Modern Family: En Garde

107. En Garde

Aired November 4, 2009

Jay's enthusiastic support for Manny in a fencing tournament opens an old childhood wound for Mitchell. Meanwhile, Phil tries to discover Luke's hidden talent.

Quote from Phil

Phil: [aside to camera] What does it take to make a great salesman? It's no big secret. You just follow the ABC's of salesmanship: Always Be Closing. Don't Ever Forget Great Home Ideas Just Keep Lurking Mostly Nearby.
Often, People Question Realtors' Sincerity. Take Umbrage. Violators Will- Oh, shoot

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Quote from Alex

Haley: No! No, no, no, no, no! Phone died!
Alex: No biggie. Your battery probably just statically defracticated.
Haley: What?
Alex: It means you can recharge it with static electricity. Just rub it on your hair.

Quote from Mitchell

Cameron: [aside to camera] When Mitchell and Claire were kids-
Mitchell: This is interesting to no one.
Cameron: Excuse- Please let me finish. Thank you. When Mitchell was 10.
Mitchell: 11.
Cameron: And Claire was 13, they were competitive ice dancers.
Mitchell: Figure skaters. Oh, for god's sakes, I'll tell the story. Yes, my sister and I were actually a very good team. We were called "Fire and Nice." I was "fire," 'cause of the red hair. And Claire was "nice," because it was ironic and she wasn't.

Quote from Luke

Claire: What are you guys doing?
Phil: Pursuing excellence. We made a list of areas the boy might excel at and... baseball.
Claire: Love it.
Phil: Yeah. I read it only takes 10,000 hours to achieve excellence. You've already got, like, what, how many hours playing ball?
Luke: Well, I played, like, one season. So, like, 6000 hours.
Claire: Yeah, I can see why you ruled out math.

Quote from Claire

Claire: [aside to camera] Yeah, of course I want Luke to be successful. But I don't think that a parent can just force that. I think you just have to have faith that the kid's gonna find his own way. [sighs] Besides, Luke already is the best at something: being my son. [chuckles] It sounded a lot less lame in my head.

Quote from Jay

Jay: [v.o.] We tell our kids it doesn't matter if you win or lose, but let's be honest. Winning feels pretty great. There's nothing like that golden moment in the sun. I think every parent probably wants that for their child. You know, maybe a little bit for ourselves, too. Sometimes, we push too hard. And that leads to a lot of resentment and guilt. So, how much is too much? Here's where I come out. Guilt fades. Hardware is forever.

Quote from Cameron

Cameron: [aside to camera] And Mitchell is still upset because Claire quit the team right before some meet.
Mitchell: "Some meet"? The 13-and-under regional championships. Just the emerald city at the end of my yellow brick road.
Cameron: Wow. You did it.
Mitchell: What?
Cameron: You made figure skating sound even gayer.

Quote from Phil

Phil: [aside to camera] Did I need the sale? Yes. Was I worried? No. Why? Because. Because why? Because I won't sell anything I don't believe in. And when I believe, you believe. I could sell a fur coat to an Eskimo.

Quote from Jay

Jay: [aside to camera] Well, when I heard Manny wanted to fence, I was like, "Sure. Uncoordinated kid, lethal weapon. How can this go wrong?"
Gloria: And what do you think now?
Jay: I'm proud of our little Zorro. I mean, I worked with him a little. The kid's got skills.
Gloria: It's in his blood. His father was a master swordsman. He was an artist with his sword. I mean, the way he throws the sword- I mean, he was legendary.
Jay: You know, this nice moment I'm having with your son, you're kind of wrecking it.
Gloria: Sorry.

Quote from Alex

Alex: Did you know that fencing goes back to the 12th century?
Haley: You know what's even nerdier than fencing? Knowing when it began.
Luke: I don't think you're a nerd, Alex.
Alex: Shut up, dork.

Quote from Cameron

Cameron: [aside to camera] Any monkey can shoot a home movie. I pride myself on shooting home films.
Mitchell: Yeah, but, Cameron, you always just take things a little too far.
Cameron: No, I don't.
Mitchell: Okay, your nephew's first birthday.
Cameron: That's not fair.
Mitchell: You brought a wind machine.
Cameron: To be fair, my vision was-
Mitchell: Cameron, you brought a wind machine!
Cameron: Who puts wheels on cribs?

Quote from Phil

Phil: Yeah, our kids are great.
Claire: They're the greatest.
Phil: Gosh, we're blessed.
Claire: We are. But, um, are they the best at something? I'd have to think about that.
Phil: Well, Alex is great at every single thing she tries, so, you know, she'll find her specialty.
Claire: She will. And- And Haley is...
Phil: Haley is so pretty.
Claire: Gorgeous. Oh, gosh. Gorgeous girl.
Phil: I mean, so, she can meet someone who's the best at something.
Claire: That's right.
Phil: And then, I guess that leaves Luke. We dropped the ball a little bit on that one.
Claire: Yeah, a little bit.

Quote from Alex

Haley: There must be something wrong with this phone. I've rubbed it on my head for, like, an hour.
Claire: What? Alex.
Alex: [chuckles]
Haley: Oh, you're such a geek!
Alex: At least I didn't give myself a bald spot.
Haley: Oh, my god! Mom!
Claire: Alex, don't be mean. Haley, stop making yourself such an easy target.

Quote from Phil

Phil: I have got a good feeling about this. This is gonna be your sport.
Luke: Last year, you said basketball was my sport.
Phil: Look, I've said a lot of things I wish I could take back, but I can't. What I can do is be the dad you need me to be to help you become masterful. You want to be masterful?
Luke: I guess.
Phil: There's my killer! Okay. Our journey of 10,000 hours begins with a single pitch. I believe in my boy! I ain't gonna quit you. Let's burn one in here.

Quote from Jay

Gloria: [on the phone, speaking forcefully in Spanish]
Jay: Everything okay?
Gloria: Yes, I was telling my grandmother how great was Manny today.
Jay: So, that wasn't angry talk?
Gloria: No, silly, that was happy talk.
Jay: Ah, I'm beginning to understand why there's so much conflict on your continent.

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