‘The Cold’
Season 6, Episode 3 - Aired October 8, 2014
Phil resorts to creative editing of Mitchell and Cameron's wedding video when the footage reveals that he was responsible for a cold that has plagued the family. Jay and Gloria take different tacks as Manny feels the stress of being on the high school football team, while Cameron must decide whether or not to bench him. Meanwhile, Mitchell arranges a play date for Lily with a super smart classmate.
Quote from Manny
Manny: [aside to camera] I missed the first two days of culinary camp, so I was hopelessly behind on all reductions and meringues. You can imagine the nicknames. I thought "amuse-douche" was particularly cruel.
Quote from Cameron
Cameron: [aside to camera] It went to my ears on our flight home. I may have moaned a bit. A crying baby complained about me.
Quote from Gloria
Gloria: [aside to camera] It gave me the vertigo. I was too dizzy for high heels. I had to wear flats. I don't know how people can walk in those things.
Quote from Jay
Manny: Cam, you were right to bench me. I stunk out there.
Cameron: Vindicated!
Manny: But not because of Jay. It's you, mom.
Gloria: What?!
Phil: Tensions are running high. I think we should all go home.
Manny: I've never worried about disappointing Jay. He knows I'm terrible at sports.
Jay: Said it from day one. Only thing coordinated about this kid was his outfits.
Quote from Haley
Alex: Oh, please. You've been dodging him since the wedding.
Haley: You told me to stay away from him.
Alex: I just meant don't lead him on unless you really like him.
Haley: Yes, and you were right, so I've been keeping my distance to protect him.
Alex: Oh. Well, that's actually really mature of you.
Haley: With great hotness comes great responsibility.
Alex: There she is.
Quote from Haley
Haley: [aside to camera] I threw up for three straight days. I don't know how models do it.
Quote from Claire
Claire: Yes, I am still sick. Yes, I'm going to work on a Saturday. No, this is not wine. It is Dayquil. With a little bit of last night's wine.
[aside to camera:]
Claire: My stupid brother caught a cold in Mexico on his honeymoon, and it's made its way through the family.
Quote from Mitchell
Mitchell: [aside to camera] I never get sick. I-I must've caught a chill on the beach when my socks got wet. My ankles burn.
Quote from Jay
Jay: [aside to camera] Cam brought me this from Mexico, along with two weeks of bronchitis. I don't know which is worse.
Quote from Phil
Phil: You know what this means? I'm patient zero. What I thought were allergies started the cold that brought the whole family down! No one can ever know about this, not after what happened in Yosemite.
[aside to camera:]
Phil: The pink-eye apocalypse.
[back:]
Phil: It took me a whole year to earn back the respect and admiration of my family.
Luke: Well...