The Good Place Quotes

The Good Place

The Good Place

After her untimely death, Eleanor Shellstrop (Kristen Bell), a self-absorbed woman without much virtue to her name, arrives in a heavenly utopia run by architect Michael (Ted Danson).

Starring: Kristen Bell, William Jackson Harper, Jameela Jamil, D'Arcy Carden, Manny Jacinto, Ted Danson.
Recurring Actors: Marc Evan Jackson, Tiya Sircar, Maya Rudolph, Kirby Howell-Baptiste, Jason Mantzoukas, Maribeth Monroe, Adam Scott, Brandon Scott Jones, Benjamin Koldyke.
Original Run: 2016-2020.

Popular Quotes

Quote from Tahani in A Girl from Arizona (Part 2)

Tahani: Oh, Jason, I'm so sorry.
Jason: Janet was my whole afterlife. How am I gonna get over her?
Tahani: I used to have a breakup routine when a relationship ended. Champagne and Alanis Morissette. Not the actual singer. I just listened to her albums at my friend Adele's house.

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Quote from Jason in Jeremy Bearimy

Jason: Why don't you want your name on the opera house? I love getting my name on stuff. In Jacksonville, I got a flu virus named after me 'cause I kissed a bat on a dare.

Quote from Michael in The Funeral to End All Funerals

Michael: Let's focus on the big picture here. Free of Earth's complications and its unintended consequences, the other three improved a lot. Chidi got 38% more confident. Simone got 43% more flexible in her judgments of people, and John didn't call one single person the C-word.
Judge: But he did yell the C-word at himself as well as a pack of squirrels and a chair he tripped over.
Shawn: Why are we even still discussing this? Brent got worse. If humans can't be good with their needs magically met, maybe they're just not that good.
Judge: He's right; the evidence needed to be overwhelming. I can't just turn the whole afterlife upside down because three people got a little bit better.
Michael: But don't forget. There's a lot of evidence that Eleanor, Jason and Tahani got better in the original experiment, so that's six people. That's the number of friends in Friends. Are you gonna sit there and say that every single Friend belongs in hell? I mean, maybe Ross and Rachel... and Monica and Joey, and definitely Chandler... but Phoebe?

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Quote from Shawn in Whenever You're Ready

Judge: Shawn, what you got?
Shawn: Well, I'll begin by saying that this new system stinks, and Michael stinks, and we should throw this all in the garbage and go back to the way it used to be when everyone was tortured.
Michael: There's still some bumps in the road, but this system is good, and it's working. Come on, admit it.
Shawn: I will never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, admit that.
Michael: I know, buddy. I know.

Quote from Eleanor in Derek

Michael: I designed this entire torture chamber around the absolutely certainty that when the going got tough, you would give up. That was the signature Shellstrop move. Do you remember once when your change oil light came on? You just abandoned your car in a parking garage.
Eleanor: Of course.
Michael: But here, faced with the toughest challenges I could throw at you, you never once stopped trying to become a better person. And I just... Why?
Eleanor: I don't know. I mean, whenever I would do something crappy on Earth, there would be a little tiny voice in the back of my head that would say, "Eleanor, don't grab that handful of olives from the salad bar. You know, you didn't pay for that," or "Eleanor, don't spit those olive pits onto the floor of the grocery store. That's not cool." Or "Eleanor, that old man just slipped on your olive pit, and he fell down. Don't use the fact that everyone's distracted to go back and steal more olives."
Michael: I get it.
Eleanor: This ethics stuff, it's hard, and it's confusing. It is such a buzzkill. But, it does get rid of the little voice. Because at least I'm trying to do the right thing instead of the crappy thing, and I've got to say, man, I don't miss the little voice.

Quote from Eleanor in Rhonda, Diana, Jake, and Trent

Eleanor: What if lying is ethical in this situation? What if certain actions aren't universally good or bad? Like Jonathan Dancy says.
Chidi: Jonathan Dancy? Are you talking about moral particularism? We never even covered that. You read on your own?
Eleanor: [scoffs] You think just because I'm a straight hottie I can't read philosophy for fun? Look. Moral particularism says there are no fixed rules that work in every situation. Like, let's say you promised your friend you'd go to the movies. But then your mom suddenly gets rushed to the ER. Your boy Kant would say never break a promise. Go see Chronicles of Riddick." Doesn't matter if your mom gets lonely and steals a bucket of Vicodin from the nurse's closet.
Chidi: Real example?
Eleanor: Yep! But a moral particularist like me... I'm one now; I just decided... would say there's no absolute rule. You have to choose your actions based on the particular situation and right now, we are in a pretty bonkers situation.
Chidi: I don't think I can change what I believe just like that!
Eleanor: And I didn't think I would ever be at a cocktail party in literal Hell, lecturing my teacher/ex-lover about moral particularism, but life throws you curveballs, bro! And need I remind you it was doing things your way that made you end up here.