The Good Place Quotes
- Season 1
- 101 Everything is Fine
- 102 Flying
- 103 Tahani Al-Jamil
- 104 Jason Mendoza
- 105 Category 55 Emergency Doomsday Crisis
- 106 What We Owe to Each Other
- 107 The Eternal Shriek
- 108 Most Improved Player
- 109 ...Someone Like Me as a Member
- 110 Chidi's Choice
- 111 What's My Motivation
- 112 Mindy St. Claire
- 113 Michael's Gambit
- Season 2
- Season 3
- Season 4
- 401 A Girl from Arizona (Part 1)
- 402 A Girl from Arizona (Part 2)
- 403 Chillaxing
- 404 Tinker, Tailor, Demon, Spy
- 405 Employee of the Bearimy
- 406 A Chip Driver Mystery
- 407 Help Is Other People
- 408 The Funeral to End All Funerals
- 409 The Answer
- 410 You've Changed, Man
- 411 Mondays, Am I Right?
- 412 Patty
- 413 Whenever You're Ready
The Good Place
After her untimely death, Eleanor Shellstrop (Kristen Bell), a self-absorbed woman without much virtue to her name, arrives in a heavenly utopia run by architect Michael (Ted Danson).
Kristen Bell, William Jackson Harper, Jameela Jamil, D'Arcy Carden, Manny Jacinto, Ted Danson.
Recurring Actors: Marc Evan Jackson, Tiya Sircar, Maya Rudolph, Kirby Howell-Baptiste, Jason Mantzoukas, Maribeth Monroe, Adam Scott, Brandon Scott Jones, Benjamin Koldyke.
Original Run: 2016-2020.
Tahani: Oh, Jason, I'm so sorry.
Jason: Janet was my whole afterlife. How am I gonna get over her?
Tahani: I used to have a breakup routine when a relationship ended. Champagne and Alanis Morissette. Not the actual singer. I just listened to her albums at my friend Adele's house.
Michael: I still don't have a grip on the human emotional spectrum. You guys are often happy when you should be sad and angry when you should be happy, and texting when you should be driving, which is not an emotion, I know, but it's insane. The point is, in this case, even if it's not rational, you're allowed to feel a little angry. Let yourself off the hook. Process it and work your way through it, and then get your shirt together. Because we have a lot of work to do.
Eleanor: I don't know if what I'm going to say is going to hurt or help, but screw it. Do you know what's really happening right now? You're learning what it's like to be human. All humans are aware of death. So we're all a little bit sad... all the time. That's just the deal.
Michael: Sounds like a crappy deal.
Eleanor: Well, yeah. It is. But we don't get offered any other ones. And if you try and ignore your sadness, it just ends up leaking out of you anyway. I've been there. And everybody's been there. So don't fight it. In the words of a very wise Bed, Bath, and Beyond employee I once knew... "Go ahead and cry all you want. But you're going to have to pay for that toilet plunger."
Michael: Okay, so, now, this is sort of a quick litmus test, basic questions designed to tell whether you were fundamentally good or bad. Number one: Did you ever commit a serious crime?
Jason: Yes, I blew up a guy's speedboat after he sued me. [beep] And... I stole an old lady's fake leg once on a dare. [beep]
Michael: Did you ever have a personalized license plate?
Jason: Yeah, dawg. "I LUV BUTTS". [beep]
Michael: Have... Have you ever paid money to hear music performed by California funk rock band the Red Hot Chili Peppers?
Jason: Yo, the Chilis? I saw them in concert like 50 times. [beep] I once got arrested trying to steal Flea's bass guitar. [beep] Oh, that was another serious crime I committed. I should have mentioned that earlier. [beep] Is it just me, or am I acing this test?
Michael: Oh, this is bad. Oh, this is so, so bad. Oh, I thought I had everything under control when I found Eleanor, but somehow you are... you're so much worse.
Eleanor: What is it with you and frozen yogurt? Have you not heard of ice cream?
Michael: Oh, sure, but I've come to really like frozen yogurt. There's something so human about taking something great and ruining it a little so you can have more of it.
Eleanor: [chuckles] That is very human. Why do you need a human to be your assistant? I mean, aren't there more of... whatever you are?
Michael: Well, since we're becoming friends, like Ross and Phoebe...
Eleanor: Weird combo to pick, but okay.
Michael: I'm gonna tell you a secret. Usually, architects don't live in their neighborhoods. Usually, the people show up, we play the movie, Janet is there to answer questions, and you're on your own. But I had this theory. I thought transition would be easier if the architect were on-site for at least the first 1,000 years or so.
Eleanor: That's why you've been so freaked out. 'Cause your butt is on the line.
Michael: My boss thought I was nuts. And if this neighborhood doesn't work, I am in big trouble. But more importantly, I promised all of you that you would be safe and happy. And you just don't break a promise. Unlike Ross when he promised Emily not to talk to Rachel.
Eleanor: Wow, you are really into that show.