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ClosetCon '13

‘ClosetCon '13’

Season 5, Episode 8 - Aired November 20, 2013

As Claire and Jay head to a closet industry trade show, Phil gets in trouble back at Jay's house. Meanwhile, Cameron is excited to show Mitchell and Lily what life is like on the farm, until Grams makes an unexpected appearance.

Quote from Cameron

Cameron: No, no, sweetie, we're just having a conversation about how your daddy can be so stuck-up.
Mitchell: Cam, that's really mature. Use our daughter to get your little digs in. I would never do that, sweetie.
Cameron: You don't think I notice how condescending you are when we come here? You just set on the porch. You roll your eyes. You don't participate in anything. And, yeah, I said "set." But that's how we talk here. I'm from this place. I'm proud of this place. And it hurts me that the man I love just thinks it's some big joke. Come on, sweetie.
Lily: [Southern accent] Lord o' mercy.


Quote from Gloria

Phil: We're gonna have to improvise. Gloria, call the steakhouse and cancel. Um Manny, find some glue. Luke, let's get these parts into the garage. I know this seems impossible, but we can do this!
Gloria: [on the phone] Hello. Houston's? We have a situation.

Quote from Cameron

Cameron: [aside to camera] We never told Gram about the gay. You know, after they reach a certain age, you worry that it could be the thing that sends them over the edge, and she's been on the edge for a long time. We're actually on deathbed number two.

Quote from Cameron

Cameron: No, that alarm means there's a tornado coming right now.
Mitchell: Oh, God. Well, where's Lily? I hope she's not still out in the field.
Cameron: [shouting] Lil-y-y-y-y!
Mitchell: You can't just call her like a pig!
Cameron: Lil-y-y-y-y-y!
Mitchell: Okay, this is just a farm thing, not, like, a mall thing.
Cameron: What's that, city voice?

Quote from Cameron

Cameron: [aside to camera] After the initial shock, Gram softened a bit. She even agreed to attend the wedding.
Mitchell: Standing outside with a sign.
Cameron: Baby steps, Mitchell. Baby steps.

Quote from Lily

Cameron: Boy, it starting to get nippy, huh? You guys want to walk down to the duck pond?
Barb: Um, that sounds lovely. I'll get the gun.
Lily: Are y'all coming?
Mitchell: "Y'all"? We don't say "y'all"!
Cameron: Yeah, we do.
Mitchell: No, well, yeah, we say it here, but not normally.
Cameron: Well, did you ever think this is how I really talk and that I talk different-like when I'm not here?
Lily: Y'all fighting?

Quote from Cameron

Barb: Want to ring the dinner bell, "little bomber"?
Mitchell: Oh, that's actually really quaint. Is it one of those little triangle thi-
Cameron: [shouting] S-o-o-o-ooey! Hoo! [pigs squeal]
Barb: Loudest call in the tri-county area.

Quote from Jay

Jay: How the hell did they lose our reservation?
Claire: Dad, you were married to mom for thirty years, what's another couple nights on a couch.
Jay: I'm gonna call for the cot. I'm gonna try to squeeze them on that $9.95 Wi-Fi fee. They're selling air.

Quote from Mitchell

Cameron: You know, I forgot how much work there was to be done around here. I've been mendin' fence all morning.
Mitchell: Been mendin', have you?
[aside to camera:]
Mitchell: Missouri. Misery. huh.

Quote from Phil

Phil: Hey, "manimal." How was picture day?
Manny: You know what's super-helpful? When the guy in line behind you calls you "Mount Sweatmore."
Luke: I was trying to relax you.
Phil: Hey. It was right in front of you, "Brad Pitt-stains. "
Luke: Come on, Luke.
Phil: It's okay.

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