Modern Family Quotes

Modern Family

Modern Family

Modern Family is a mockumentary that follows the extended Pritchett family with three diverse households that show what it means to be a modern family.

Starring: Ed O'Neill, Sofia Vergara, Julie Bowen, Ty Burrell, Jesse Tyler Ferguson, Eric Stonestreet, Sarah Hyland, Ariel Winter, Nolan Gould, Rico Rodriguez, Aubrey Anderson-Emmons, Jeremy Maguire, Reid Ewing.
Recurring Actors: Adam DeVine, Nathan Lane, Fred Willard, Shelley Long, Elizabeth Banks, Benjamin Bratt, Chazz Palminteri, Dana Powell, Kevin Daniels, Rob Riggle, Stephanie Beatriz, Christian Barillas.
Original Run: 2009-2020.

Quote of the Day

Quote from Jay in The Last Christmas

Jay: Why are we talking about Manny, anyway, when this is clearly Phil's fault?
Phil: What?
Jay: Well, I mean, you obviously didn't teach Luke about the gentlemen's code.
Phil: I did so! Never leave a high-five hanging, no hug is too tight if you slap the guy's back...
Jay: It's never steal a broad from a friend, never let him grow a mustache unless they're a first responder.

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Quote from Gloria in Come Fly with Me

Gloria: [aside to camera] I always wanted a daughter. To dress her up with pretty dresses, do her hair, her nails, her makeup. [chuckles] No one knows this, but for the first year of his life, I made up Manny like a girl and told everybody that he was my daughter. [laughs] Ay, but just for a few times. I didn't want to mess with his head. When he found the pictures, I told him that it was his twin sister who died.

Quote from Cameron in Unplugged

Cameron: [affected accent] The tribe elders foretold that though I lay with fire-haired man, the giving hawk would bring us baby with her skin the color of sweet corn, which my people call maize.
Mitchell: Okay. Please stop.
Mr. Plympton: Well, uh-
Cameron: Knowledge is her sustenance. Like so much maize which, you'll remember, means corn.
Mitchell: What if I was a single dad?

Quote from Jay in Kids These Days

Jay: I hate losing to a team with a Viking mascot. Hey, you died out and became Swedes! Hip-hip-hooray for socialism and seasonal depression!

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Quote from Phil in My Funky Valentine

Claire: Tell me, would you be interested in earning a merit badge tonight? Do you know anything about tying knots?
Phil: I probably shouldn't be talking to you. I'm a married man.
Claire: Ah. Well, I just so happen to like married men. Tell me about your wife.
Phil: Well, she's beautiful, of course.
Claire: Really? Well, if she's so very beautiful, why are you here with me?
Phil: Because she's always so tired and she's always making lists of things for me to do.
Claire: Maybe if you did them she wouldn't be so tired.
Phil: Oh, no. She can make lists for days. But back to your mouth and how sexy it is.
Claire: Mm-mmm. I wanna go back to these alleged lists and your nagging wife.
Phil: I'm not talking about you. I didn't mean that. Can we try this again?
Claire: Yeah. So if your wife is so beautiful, why are you here with me?
Phil: Because I respect her too much to do to her what I'm going to do to you?
Claire: Oh, jackpot. I'll be right back, Clive.

Quote from Cameron in Catch of the Day

Cameron: [on the phone] Hi, my name is Cameron Tucker, and I would like to speak to one of your inmates. His name is Bo Johnson. Sally Mae Jenkins? Oh, of course I remember you! Oh, wait, but... I'm not surprised you're answering phones at a prison. You always had the prettiest voice in Central America.

Quote from Cameron in Basketball

Cameron: Well, we have to find out. As her uncles, we need all the information we can so we can advise her properly.
Mitchell: Yeah. She's dating an older man. If she's uncomfortable, it's our duty to protect her.
Cameron: Okay. So we said all that. What could be "ca" be? Hmm? Carrot? Cupping? [gasps] You don't think it could be a Canadian long jump, do you?
Mitchell: Okay, what part would a woman play in that?