Andy Bailey Quotes Page 1 of 5

Quote from Queer Eyes, Full Hearts

Andy: Hey, Mrs. Dunphy. Remember me?
Claire: Andy. Of course. Come on in. You are Joe's babysitter, right?
Andy: Uh, "manny" is what we call ourselves in the child care community. But it's confusing in that house because of their son Manny. So I've been trying to get traction with "bro-pair."

Quote from Rash Decisions

Phil: Andy, 36 hours to the open house. You ready?
Andy: I was born ready. Actually, that's not true. I was two months premature, weighed three and a half pounds.

Quote from Express Yourself

Haley: Okay, well, we can start at this western place where I know the bartender. If you hang back, I can get us free drinks all night.
Andy: It won't look weird, you ordering two drinks every time you go up?
Haley: No.
Andy: Then let's turn this mother out.
Haley: [weak chuckle]
[aside to camera:]
Andy: I got pretty lucky pulling that expression out of my fanny. I'm not usually so quick with party talk, but I've always had this fear that Haley would think I couldn't keep up with her, so I just tried to survive the night and not barf on my dad's old church shirt.

Quote from The Wedding (Part 1)

Andy: Mrs. P. My darn taxi never came. I'm gonna miss my flight.
Gloria: No.
Andy: I just I don't want to deal with this right now. 'Cause I'm already so scared of flying. I just hate everything about it. Except for the food. I don't understand how they get such bold flavors out of that tiny kitchen.

Quote from The Escape

Haley: Andy, um, I have to tell you something. And I'm really, really sorry, but I'm seeing someone.
Andy: Really?
Haley: Yeah.
Andy: Yes! Whoo-hoo! Oh, thank goodness. Me, too. I just didn't know how to tell you, especially if you were dying. She's a Laker girl.
Haley: Oh, wow. A cheerleader. Nice.
Andy: No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Josephine scrapes barnacles off boats in the Great Salt Lake. We call them Laker girls. But they are kind of sex symbols in Utah.

Quote from Clean Out Your Junk Drawer

Haley: Hey. That's a cool shirt. You look nice.
Andy: I have to cut you off right there. The shirt stays on. I have to hang up on this booty call.
Haley: Wait, what?
Andy: You and me, this- This has to stop. I'm so racked with guilt. I keep giving money to different charities. I even fronted a Zach Braff movie on Kickstarter.

Quote from A Fair to Remember

Andy: I hate to go all ballistic, but it has not been a pleasure meeting you.
Haley: Do you kiss your imaginary girlfriend with that mouth?
Andy: I do, but she's real. So, she's a real girl.

Quote from Queer Eyes, Full Hearts

Andy: Uh, I'm a hard worker, I am very clean, I am eager to please, I take super quick bathroom breaks, and I will never, ever... Oh! I'm blanking on the verb! W- Uh, when you give up on something?
Phil: Quit?
Andy: I had to ask because I don't know the meaning of the word.

Quote from Express Yourself

Haley: Andy, what is happening with you? Why are you doing this?
Andy: What are you talking about? I thought you loved Wild Andy.
Haley: No, no. I love Normal Andy, tomato-soup-and-grilled-cheese Andy. Still-in-bed-by-11:00 Andy. Uses-the-word-"tummy" Andy.
Andy: Really? Because I've been doing this whole thing because I was afraid you'd get bored and dump me if I couldn't keep up.
Haley: I know you can't keep up. But I'd rather slow down. I like the me I am when I'm with you.
Andy: Well, I wish you would have told me that about a minute ago. Aah! I can't watch! The stress is murder on my tummy.

Quote from American Skyper

Claire: You know your dad wishes he could be here.
Phil: [on virtual presence device] What are you talking about?
Jay: What the-
Phil: I'm right here! [laughs] I had Andy set me up so I could be here with you all.
Andy: I just had to plug him in. It was a nice reversal from when I had to pull the plug on my dad in the hospital.

Quote from American Skyper

Haley: Gloria, tell her she can stay.
Gloria: Of course you can stay. We love having you here. Especially Joe. You're his new favorite.
Andy: I used to be his favorite until I told him I get paid to hang with him. I just felt he had a right to know.

Quote from The Wedding (Part 1)

Haley: So, what are you gonna do in Utah?
Andy: Well, me and my girlfriend haven't seen each other in a while, so we're gonna be like a couple of bunny rabbits.
Haley: Wow.
Andy: Just hopping all over town.

Quote from The Wedding (Part 1)

Andy: Hey, my phone just buzzed. Can you read it? I don't want to put our lives at risk.
Haley: It's, uh, it's from the airline. Your flight's delayed three hours.
Andy: Three hours?!
Haley: Yeah.
Andy: Ohh! Jinkies! I guess we can just drop me off at a coffee shop, and I can take a cab from there.
Haley: Okay. Actually, I really need to wake up. Maybe I'll grab a coffee with you, if you don't mind.
Andy: Please. The more I talk to people, the less I imagine plummeting to my death in a fiery spiral of screaming and crying.
Haley: Pretty dark for someone who just said "jinkies."

Quote from The Escape

Haley: Andy? You- You came all the way from Utah?
Andy: Oh, no. I was in town for a self-help seminar "How To Be In The Right Place at the Right Time." Holy cow. It's working.

Quote from White Christmas

Haley: My family cannot find out about us.
Andy: I'm certainly not gonna tell them. I still have their respect.
Jay: Andy, chop-chop. Joe's making his bathroom face.