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‘Pig Moon Rising’ Quotes

Modern Family: Pig Moon Rising

817. Pig Moon Rising

Aired March 15, 2017

The extended family gets caught in a web of lies after Mitchell accidentally knocks over an urn filled with the ashes of Cameron's beloved pet pig, Lily. Meanwhile, Luke waits for the news of whether he's been admitted to Phil's alma mata, while Gloria is starting to get upset at the prospect of Manny leaving for college.

Quote from Manny

Manny: Oh, what a B-U-tiful morning. I joke because I've been accepted to B.U.
Gloria: Oh, Manny, I'm so proud of you!
Manny: I'm six for six. So many suitors, not sure which to choose from. I feel like Lady Mary in the last season of "Downton Abbey."
Jay: I'd avoid the big football schools.

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Quote from Jay

Gloria: This is so slow!
Jay: If you're on the Pritchett's Closets website, we're aware of the slowdown. It's either a hack by the Chinese or that Chinese hack I hired to fix the website.

Quote from Jay

Jay: [aside to camera] I miss the days when people stood in actual lines. If you weren't willing to stand in the rain, you didn't get to see Gary Puckett & the Union Gap.

Quote from Cameron

Cameron: Carlos, Carlos. Hey... hey, Carlos. Um, this, uh, Cameron Tucker. I don't know if you remember me or not. Oh, you... you do. Okay, hi. Yeah, wondering if I could get a couple tickets for the show tonight. Gloria Estefan. Because you're in the Miami Sound Machine, silly. What?
[aside to camera:]
Cameron: It was loud in the bar the night I met Carlos, and it turns out he is not a member of the legendary band, the Miami Sound Machine. He owns a mobile dog grooming business called Miami's Hound Machine. In retrospect, I didn't need to be as alarmed with his collection of leashes and collars.

Quote from Haley

Haley: Wait, Officer... no! My car is only here because I was being responsible! I was babysitting my uncle Joe and got too drunk to drive home! ... What is this thing?
[aside to camera:]
Haley: The Barnacle. They stick it on your car when you have unpaid parking tickets. I couldn't let my parents see it, because I knew they'd just overreact and lecture me about being irresponsible, and I couldn't pay to remove it because I just maxed out my credit card on these insanely expensive pair of sunglasses. I don't love 'em.

Quote from Phil

Dean Hinden: [phone rings] Oh, hey, Phil, where were Nationals senior year? Cleveland, Oh... [answers phone] Hi-o!
Phil: [hushed] Can you imagine putting up with this for years on end?
Claire: It's hard.

Quote from Claire

Claire: What are you doing?
Phil: I'm driving up there to tell them they made a mistake. They'd be lucky to have a kid like Luke.
Claire: Well, I guess it... it can't hurt. I mean, it's not like they can super reject him. Although, Michigan did use that exact term.

Quote from Gloria

Manny: Wow. I just got super accepted to Michigan.
Gloria: He's the second Delgado to go to college. My cousin went to the best medical school in Colombia. They would not just accept any cadaver.

Quote from Haley

Luke: "Welcome to Arizona State"...
Claire: It's happening!
Haley: Oh, my God!
Luke: "Welcome to Arizona State's admissions portal." [Claire sighs] "We regret to inform you"...
Phil: Aww, pal...
Claire: [groans]
Haley: Well, don't leave us in suspense. What did they say?

Quote from Cameron

Cameron: Hey, I just peeked in on Lily, and guess who she was curled up with on her bed?
Mitchell: If it's not the cat, I'm gonna be really upset about how you're teasing this out.
Cameron: I love that she has a pet that she's close to like I was with my pet pig Lily.
Mitchell: Still no guilt, I see, after tricking me into naming our daughter after bacon.
Cameron: I was very close to that pig. For heaven's sakes, I still have her ashes in the garage.
Mitchell: True.

Quote from Cameron

Cameron: You know, I was thinking tonight maybe we could bury the ashes in the back yard after we get back from your dad's. It's a perfect night to pay tribute.
Mitchell: W-why?
Cameron: The Pig Moon.
Mitchell: I'm sorry? One more time.
Cameron: The Pig Moon. Every years, the moon takes on a pink hue, and it aligns with Orion. It's a huge deal back home. There's a festival, they empty out all the jails as a sign of goodwill.

Quote from Cameron

Lily: So, we're having, like, a ceremony tonight?
Cameron: Yes, sweetie.
Lily: But don't we have Grandpa's?
Mitchell: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
Cameron: Well, you know what? We're always looking for a credible reason to leave early.
Mitchell: So, what are we supposed to say? "No. No dessert for us. We got to get home. We got to bury the 25 year-old ashes of a Brunswick King sow."
Cameron: Wow. Nice attitude. It's almost like you want Pig Moon John to fill your hunting boot with coal.

Quote from Gloria

Gloria: Joe, this is exactly why we're not giving you a knife until you turn six years old.

Quote from Manny

Manny: [aside to camera] I know when a female's about to burst into tears. I've seen it enough times. I had to keep my mom away from anything that reminded her I was moving away and keep myself away from Williams Sonoma. I could lose an afternoon.

Quote from Mitchell

Mitchell: Oh, this is from my eighth birthday. I made Mom throw a party with a whole farm theme. You know what? I need this. Cam thinks I look down on his farm life. This'll prove to him that...
Jay: Bup, bup, bup. This comes with a price. You can get me Gloria Estefan tickets, right?
Mitchell: Dad, that is offensive. Not every gay person is connected to Gloria Estefan.
Jay: But you are, right?
Mitchell: [inhales sharply] It's complicated.
[aside to camera:]
Mitchell: Cam briefly dated a member of Gloria Estefan's band, The Miami Sound Machine. He doesn't talk about it much. Just whenever someone mentions her or Miami. Or humidity.

Quote from Phil

Claire: Oh! Great trampoline.
Dean Hinden: Thanks. I like to bounce at least minutes a day. It's where I get my best ideas.
Phil: How quirky.

Quote from Manny

Manny: What do you think? I was going for dark and mysterious, but I'm afraid I circled right back to cute and approachable.
Gloria: Oh, she's so lucky. He's always gonna be her little boy.
Manny: Mom, you're projecting on these mannequins. For all we know, he's a little person, and that's his wife who's evolved enough to see how big he is on the inside.

Quote from Cameron

Gloria: You lied to me.
Jay: Well, look around! Everybody's lying. Forging paintings, driving blind, swapping ashes.
Mitchell: I didn't want to ruin the Pig Moon.
Cameron: There is no Pig Moon. How backwards do you think Grasshopper, Missouri is?

Quote from Cameron

Cameron: So, this is a real Vanderkoff.
Mitchell: Yeah, yeah. It feels good to finally be free of that secret.
Cameron: Yeah, it's just great to have everything out in the open.
Mitchell: Yeah. That expensive painting you bought me over there, I moved it to cover up a hole I made in the wall.
Cameron: I only paid 25 cents for that painting at a garage sale, and I used the rest of the money on shoes.
Mitchell: I get electrolysis. My beard grows up to here.
Cameron: I don't really know how to line dance, and that's why those cowboys laughed at you when you did what I taught you. [cat meows]
Both: That's not Larry.


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