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‘Marco Polo’ Quotes

Modern Family: Marco Polo

604. Marco Polo

Aired October 15, 2014

While their house is treated for mold, the Dunphy family move into a cramped motel room. Meanwhile, Gloria is worried when Manny starts dating an older, popular girl, and Mitchell is fed up of Cameron's superstitious behavior as he tries to hold onto the team's winning streak.

Quote from Lily

Lily: Let's see what we've got here. Eggplant jelly? What do they send if they don't like you?
Cameron: "Go, Coach, go Dolphins!"
Mitchell: I don't know. It seems a little "go" heavy.
Lily: Pink salt? What is wrong with people?

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Quote from Haley

Claire: Haley, I need the Wi-Fi corner. Get down.
Haley: Ugh, I need Instagram to know there's still beauty in the world!

Quote from Phil

Phil: Look what I got from the vending machine in the lobby, a Charleston chew. Remember these?
Haley: Can someone please tell the Nigerian family to shut their dogs up?!
Phil: Check it out! According to this wrapper, we can win tickets to the 2005 All-Star game!

Quote from Jay

Jay: Son of a gun. Ray Chapman just died.
Gloria: I know! He used to give me the best bonings.
Jay: You're thinking of our butcher, Ray Eastman. I hope. No, Chapman was a Navy buddy. I always meant to write to him.
Gloria: Oh, Jay, that's so sad.
Jay: I hated his guts. It's like they say, you cannot put these things off.

Quote from Mitchell

Mitchell: You've been sawing at that chicken fried steak for 10 minutes. Just order something else.
Cameron: Mitchell, it's game day. I can't. It's my lucky meal. Oh, God. Here we go.
Mitchell: Well, that's attractive. You look like a puppy with a slipper.

Quote from Cameron

Cameron: [aside to camera] Under my leadership, the varsity football team is now 5-0 -- new school record, very exciting.
Mitchell: Cam, I can smell your hat from over here. Can I please just pop it in the laundry?
Cameron: And wash the luck off? I've worn it to every game. See, he knows nothing about sports. That's why I've given him a pass. He doesn't have to go to games.
Mitchell: Although, I- I do- I hear it's fun. Three hours on a splintery plank with parents squealing with delight as their children maim each other.
Cameron: He'd know if he came. The seats are aluminum now.

Quote from Luke

Alex: Ugh. What's that?
Luke: It's a body spray called sex grenade. One of the divorced dads in the hotel recommended it.
Haley: That smell is driving me crazy.
Luke: Then it's working.

Quote from Cameron

Cameron: I forgot them on the day of our first win, and it's worked ever since. Now scooch to the left.
Mitchell: I'm not letting you do the coffee-table thing again.
Cameron: Mitchell, superstitions are a big part of sports.
Mitchell: And witchcraft and cults and voodoo, but-
Cameron: Hey, look, you know what? I'm not asking you to like football, but I like football. Football was everything to me growing up. I was just a big, gay farm kid until I joined the football team and I finally fit in. Now, I don't expect you to like it. I don't expect you to come to the games. But I do expect you to be 5% less condescending. Now scooch.

Quote from Lily

Mitchell: It's too much - the car keys, the coffee table, your roller skate on the front porch. I-is there any chocolate in any of these?
Lily: You'll have to scrape it off this sun-dried tomato.

Quote from Mitchell

Mitchell: I suppose on some level, it's possible that he might have a point. I hate sports. I do. But if you had my dad and my upbringing I mean, have you ever been picked last for a team, Lily?
Lily: Well, at gym the other day, these mean girls-
Mitchell: I mean, you have no idea, Lily, the bullying and the teasing.
Lily: They put me in the ball bag.
Mitchell: If I am a little dismissive, it's only because of my harrowing backstory.
Lily: They said if I told, they would kill you and daddy.
Mitchell: Oh, my God. I've- I've been making this all about myself. I haven't even been thinking about Cam.

Quote from Lily

Lily: This is crazy. Yes, this is crazy.
Mitchell: Who cares if I like football? Daddy likes football, and I like daddy, so... I need to tell him. I need to tell him I'm gonna be more supportive, and I need to- Oh, honey, are you calling him for me?
Lily: [on the phone, holding the card from a gift basket] Yes, I have a complaint. Can I please talk to Harry or David?

Quote from Manny

Jay: What's that smell?
Manny: I believe you're referring to my bold new scent, "Sex Gre-nod."

Quote from Manny

Gloria: Is that for Sam, your friend that is a girl, but has the name of a boy?
Manny: I knew you were spying on me last night. Yes, I have a girlfriend. Let me save you some snooping. She's smart. She's pretty. She's a senior. She's our High School's "it" girl, and "it" dumped the captain of the basketball team for me.
Gloria: So, you're only 15, and you go out with the senior.
Manny: Are you sure you want to play that game?
Jay: Are you?

Quote from Gloria

Gloria: No, that girl is too advanced for him. I don't want her to force him to do anything that he doesn't want to.
Jay: I think he'll be okay with whatever she wants to do.
Gloria: Okay, you go because I cannot butt in. Maybe you can talk to her. Maybe you can put the fear of God into her!
Jay: What, bust her windshield? Break her pinkie?
Gloria: I go disconnect the security camera.

Quote from Phil

Phil: Hey, do you guys know where the bar is?
Lester: You're here, my friend. What are you in the mood for?
Phil: Well, I'd like my wife and kids back, but I'd take a chardonnay.

Quote from Alex

Haley: He has a room to himself, and that's what he's doing?
Alex: How surprised should we be? I mean, he's basically a hyperactive toddler that just wants to play all the time.

Quote from Haley

Alex: Do you think he lied about the hotel being booked just so we'd all have to spend time together?
Luke: And we totally ditched him.
Haley: Even after he jumped on that sex grenade for us.

Quote from Mitchell

Cameron: [on the phone] Mitchell, we won! And I looked back, and you weren't there! Please don't be mad at me.
Mitchell: I'm on the fence.
Cameron: I don't blame you. I feel stupid for making you think this was all your fault.
Mitchell: No! I'm on the fence. Look to your right.


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