Modern Family - Gloria Quote #93
Jay: Why didn't you just tell me this in the first place?
Gloria: Ay, like you would be okay with me stealing a dog.
Gloria: Exactly. That's why I didn't tell you. Now the dog is happy, Manny can sleep, and we have pickles.
Jay: Okay, it worked out this time, but don't forget that stealing is against the law. Now maybe in Colombia-
Gloria: Ah, here we go. Because in Colombia, we trip over goats and we kill people in the street. Do you know how offensive that is? Like we're Peruvians!
Quote from Cameron
Cameron: [affected accent] The tribe elders foretold that though I lay with fire-haired man, the giving hawk would bring us baby with her skin the color of sweet corn, which my people call maize.
Mitchell: Okay. Please stop.
Mr. Plympton: Well, uh-
Cameron: Knowledge is her sustenance. Like so much maize which, you'll remember, means corn.
Mitchell: What if I was a single dad?
Quote from Mitchell
Mitchell: We have got to get her into school, or else she's gonna fall behind.
Cameron: Don't you think I know that?
Mitchell: This is perfect. Leave it to the gays to raise the only underachieving Asian in America.
Quote from Cameron
Cameron: What did you do?
Mitchell: What's best for Lily.
Cameron: Did you?
Mitchell: This is the first time being gay is a competitive advantage. They're choosing teams for gym class, and we're finally getting picked first.
Cameron: I always got picked first. I could throw a dodgeball through a piece of plywood. But I see your point.
Quote from Hit and Run
Jay: Uh, this stupid kid's been in the business about ten minutes. He barely looks at my proposal, and he says he wants more "Wow."
Gloria: What does he mean by more "Wow"?
Manny: It's the "Bieber-ization" of America.
Jay: What do beavers have to do with anything?
Gloria: The beavers, they build the dams all over the country so there's no floods, is the "Beaver-ization" of the Americas.
Manny: I'm finding there's less and less we can talk about.
Quote from Come Fly with Me
Gloria: [aside to camera] I always wanted a daughter. To dress her up with pretty dresses do her hair, her nails, her makeup. [chuckles] No one knows this, but for the first year of his life, I made up Manny like a girl and told everybody that he was my daughter. [laughs] Ay, but just for a few times. I didn't want to mess with his head. When he found the pictures, I told him that it was his twin sister who died.
Quote from The Wow Factor
Gloria: [speaking Spanish to Joe]
Jay: Careful. Keep that up, he'll have to hit "numero dos" when he calls the DMV.
Gloria: By the time he's old enough to call, it will be "numero uno."