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‘Snow Ball’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

Modern Family: Snow Ball

809. Snow Ball

Aired December 14, 2016

When Manny and Luke organize the school's lavish winter dance, they end up in over their heads following a communication error. As Gloria, Claire, Mitchell and Cameron chaperone the dance, Cameron is nervously waiting for his football team to prank him, Mitchell is offended by a gay student's sarcastic remarks, and Gloria and Claire try to d a distract an overeager parent volunteer. Meanwhile, Jay agrees to spend the evening with Phil just to get out of attending the dance.

Quote from Cameron

Cameron: Oh, my God, I hate pranks so much. Now I'm gonna spend the whole dance paranoid wondering what they're gonna do. Is it gonna hurt? Am I gonna cry?
Mitchell: You're a clown. Isn't that mostly just pranking people?
Cameron: No, it is not. Clowns are loving and joyful. You know what? I was warned about this kind of ignorance.
Don't make me regret marrying outside the big top.

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Quote from Claire

Claire: We got to keep our eyes peeled for kids trying to bring alcohol in here. I cannot make it through this thing without a drink.

Quote from Jay

Phil: Okay, we could go bowling.
Jay: Hmm. Had my league last night. I'm a little bowled out.
Phil: Fair enough. Round of mini golf?
Jay: Great idea. Wait up. I'll go get my frog and my slingshot. We'll hop on our bikes and go down there.
Phil: We could get something to eat.
Jay: Already ate.
Phil: Go to the movies?
Jay: Hate the lines.
Phil: How about a bar?
Jay: So, we drive across town, pay a 200% markup on the same glass of scotch I'm holding in my hand right now just so some drunken old broad can stagger over and tell me I look like Ernest Borgnine.

Quote from Phil

Phil: How about ice cream?
Jay: Too cold.
Phil: Coffee?
Jay: Too late.
Phil: Oh, wait a minute. I'm such an idiot. I forgot about the Clint Eastwood retrospective followed by the scotch tasting where famous athletes from the '70s tell stories about how life used to be in Youngstown.
Jay: Really?
Phil: No! It doesn't exist.

Quote from Luke

Manny: How could you let this happen?
Luke: I don't know. You were texting me while I was live streaming my breakfast, and... Wait a minute. I did say $800. Look.
Manny: Oh, my God, this is all my fault.
Luke: Well, well, well. Looks like the dunce cap is on the other foot.

Quote from Phil

Gloria: Do you love our sweaters? I thought they would be perfect for the Snow Ball dance. I got them at the store where you buy things that go with the other things.
Phil: Oh, I know that place. That's where we got our Salt-N-Pepa salt and pepper shakers. Claire can never tell which one is which.
Claire: A confusing idea poorly executed. Stop implying I'm a racist.

Quote from Jay

Jay: Much as I'd love to meet this dingbat, how many chaperones do they really need? Takes one person to turn a garden hose on those dry humpers.

Quote from Jay

Phil: This is gonna be so great!
Jay: Sure it will. Maybe give them about a five-minute lag time before you hit the road.
Phil: What do you mean? You you said we were gonna do something together.
Jay: I was just trying to get us out of that stupid dance.
Phil: Oh. Okay.
Jay: Enjoy your night, Phil. I've got a date with an epic Western about a crooked sheriff, and I'm at the first of what I predict to be many wrongful hangings.

Quote from Claire

Gloria: Marjorie, 12:00.
Claire: Oh, God. Quick, pretend we're having a fight. Then she won't come over here. You stole my inheritance, you gold digger!
Gloria: Wow, you had that one ready to go.

Quote from Gloria

Claire: Principal Brown. He's single. We could fix them up.
Gloria: At the Winter dance. That's so romantic.
Claire: Yes, and maybe she'll get off our backs if she spends more time on hers.
Gloria: You really are your father's son.

Quote from Manny

Manny: Principal Brown.
Principal Brown: Yep?
Manny: If we were to go over with the student council budget, how hard would it be to get a little extra money?
Principal Brown: Oh, no problem. We would just sell the Rembrandt in the faculty lounge.
Luke: See? Problem solved.
Manny: He's being sarcastic.

Quote from Manny

Girl: One, please.
Manny: That'll be $8, plus whatever tip you feel is appropriate.
Girl: It was free an hour ago.
Manny: You used to be able to throw a baby in the back seat without strapping it in. Times change, my friend.

Quote from Phil

Jay: What are you doing?
Phil: I don't care what you do, but I'm going into that dance. I like to see the kids all dressed up and happy and trying to look older than they are. The first girl I ever kissed was at a high school dance. Huh. It was actually to "The Lion Sleeps Tonight." I guess that's why it was in my head. Let's just say the lion did not sleep that night. I was slamming Mountain Dews like a wild man.
Jay: Marsha Goulding. I had this huge crush on her. Finally got my nerve up to ask her to the Spring Fling. First dance, I was terrified. I'm tromping all over her feet. But as the dances went on, it got easier, and right in the middle of Sam Cooke singing "You Send Me," I went for it. I was just so surprised she kissed me back.
Phil: Well, you can't have your first kiss again, but you can have your next one right in there.

Quote from Phil

Phil: One time.
Jay: No, it's stupid.
Phil: Just try it.
Jay: I'm not doing it.
Phil: No one else is around.
Jay: I don't care.
Phil: Come on, I'll start. [singing] A-weem-o-weh, a-weem-o-weh, a-weem-o-weh, a-weem-o-weh [Jay joins in] A-weem-o-weh, a-weem-o-weh, a-weem-o-weh, a-weem-o-weh - A-weem-o-weh, a-weem-o-weh, - In the jungle - A-weem-o-weh, a-weem-o-weh - The mighty jungle
Jay: All right, that's it! Get out. We're doing something else.

Quote from Phil

Gloria: If Phil is going, you are going. I don't like being the only person in the room without a husband. It's my one insecurity.
Jay: Phil's just trying to be nice. He doesn't want to go to this thing, either.
Phil: Actually, I was looking forward to it. Maybe meet some of these so-called cheerleaders. Watch their faces when I tell them we could kewpie a scorpion into a cradle catch and then pop up into a split extension. [chuckles] Most of that stuff's illegal now.

Quote from Phil

Jay: I think what Phil's trying to say is that he and I haven't had a boy's night in a good while. I mean, wouldn't it be nice to just hang out together, just you and me? What do you say, buddy?
[aside to camera:]
Phil: What?!
[back:]
Phil: Might be nice to have a hang with my boy Jay. If it's fine with you.
Claire: Sure, it's the least I could do, because tomorrow you are going to help Luke with his homework while I visit wine country.
Gloria: [gasps] I want to go.
Phil: That's just what she calls lying on the trampoline drinking Chardonnay.

Quote from Manny

Manny: We're low on ice in bucket 12. Hey, hey, those crab cakes have to last all night. Push the cheese. Setlist? You're starting with "Get Lucky"? Come on, we're telling a story here.

Quote from Manny

Manny: Do you know what time it is? I thought you were gonna help me set up.
Luke: Sorry, buddy. I was worrying about the big-picture stuff. [two boys wheel in a big picture of Luke welcoming people to the dance] Hmm. Is there enough room for it here, or should I put it in the back entrance?
Manny: You can certainly put it in a back entrance.

Quote from Mitchell

Cameron: Oh, my gosh, doesn't everything look so lovely?
Mitchell: Well, it's high school. Dress it up all you want, it's still the place I spent four years being tormented by sadistic bullies.
Claire: Nice shirt, Michelle.
Cameron: Oh, you know what? Times have changed. In high school, did you ever imagine you'd end up with the football coach?
Mitchell: The football coach? No. The swim coach, Mr. Artino, almost nightly.

Quote from Gloria

Marjorie: Did you get my texts? Look what I've already confiscated. Oh, shameful.
Claire: I'll take that.
Marjorie: So, I still need volunteers to call parents for silent auction items. I've divided it into six-hour shifts, so if you switch ears every half-hour, it's actually not bad. Can I count on you two ladies?
Claire: I'm so busy, but I can't speak for Gloria.
Gloria: My phone English no so good.

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