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‘Snow Ball’ Quotes

Modern Family: Snow Ball

809. Snow Ball

Aired December 14, 2016

When Manny and Luke organize the school's lavish winter dance, they end up in over their heads following a communication error. As Gloria, Claire, Mitchell and Cameron chaperone the dance, Cameron is nervously waiting for his football team to prank him, Mitchell is offended by a gay student's sarcastic remarks, and Gloria and Claire try to d a distract an overeager parent volunteer. Meanwhile, Jay agrees to spend the evening with Phil just to get out of attending the dance.

Quote from Cameron

Cameron: Oh, my God, I hate pranks so much. Now I'm gonna spend the whole dance paranoid wondering what they're gonna do. Is it gonna hurt? Am I gonna cry?
Mitchell: You're a clown. Isn't that mostly just pranking people?
Cameron: No, it is not. Clowns are loving and joyful. You know what? I was warned about this kind of ignorance.
Don't make me regret marrying outside the big top.


Quote from Claire

Claire: We got to keep our eyes peeled for kids trying to bring alcohol in here. I cannot make it through this thing without a drink.

Quote from Jay

Phil: Okay, we could go bowling.
Jay: Hmm. Had my league last night. I'm a little bowled out.
Phil: Fair enough. Round of mini golf?
Jay: Great idea. Wait up. I'll go get my frog and my slingshot. We'll hop on our bikes and go down there.
Phil: We could get something to eat.
Jay: Already ate.
Phil: Go to the movies?
Jay: Hate the lines.
Phil: How about a bar?
Jay: So, we drive across town, pay a 200% markup on the same glass of scotch I'm holding in my hand right now just so some drunken old broad can stagger over and tell me I look like Ernest Borgnine.

Quote from Phil

Phil: How about ice cream?
Jay: Too cold.
Phil: Coffee?
Jay: Too late.
Phil: Oh, wait a minute. I'm such an idiot. I forgot about the Clint Eastwood retrospective followed by the scotch tasting where famous athletes from the '70s tell stories about how life used to be in Youngstown.
Jay: Really?
Phil: No! It doesn't exist.

Quote from Luke

Manny: How could you let this happen?
Luke: I don't know. You were texting me while I was live streaming my breakfast, and... Wait a minute. I did say $800. Look.
Manny: Oh, my God, this is all my fault.
Luke: Well, well, well. Looks like the dunce cap is on the other foot.

Quote from Phil

Gloria: Do you love our sweaters? I thought they would be perfect for the Snow Ball dance. I got them at the store where you buy things that go with the other things.
Phil: Oh, I know that place. That's where we got our Salt-N-Pepa salt and pepper shakers. Claire can never tell which one is which.
Claire: A confusing idea poorly executed. Stop implying I'm a racist.

Quote from Jay

Jay: Much as I'd love to meet this dingbat, how many chaperones do they really need? Takes one person to turn a garden hose on those dry humpers.

Quote from Jay

Phil: This is gonna be so great!
Jay: Sure it will. Maybe give them about a five-minute lag time before you hit the road.
Phil: What do you mean? You you said we were gonna do something together.
Jay: I was just trying to get us out of that stupid dance.
Phil: Oh. Okay.
Jay: Enjoy your night, Phil. I've got a date with an epic Western about a crooked sheriff, and I'm at the first of what I predict to be many wrongful hangings.

Quote from Claire

Gloria: Marjorie, 12:00.
Claire: Oh, God. Quick, pretend we're having a fight. Then she won't come over here. You stole my inheritance, you gold digger!
Gloria: Wow, you had that one ready to go.

Quote from Gloria

Claire: Principal Brown. He's single. We could fix them up.
Gloria: At the Winter dance. That's so romantic.
Claire: Yes, and maybe she'll get off our backs if she spends more time on hers.
Gloria: You really are your father's son.

Quote from Manny

Manny: Principal Brown.
Principal Brown: Yep?
Manny: If we were to go over with the student council budget, how hard would it be to get a little extra money?
Principal Brown: Oh, no problem. We would just sell the Rembrandt in the faculty lounge.
Luke: See? Problem solved.
Manny: He's being sarcastic.

Quote from Manny

Girl: One, please.
Manny: That'll be $8, plus whatever tip you feel is appropriate.
Girl: It was free an hour ago.
Manny: You used to be able to throw a baby in the back seat without strapping it in. Times change, my friend.

Quote from Phil

Jay: What are you doing?
Phil: I don't care what you do, but I'm going into that dance. I like to see the kids all dressed up and happy and trying to look older than they are. The first girl I ever kissed was at a high school dance. Huh. It was actually to "The Lion Sleeps Tonight." I guess that's why it was in my head. Let's just say the lion did not sleep that night. I was slamming Mountain Dews like a wild man.
Jay: Marsha Goulding. I had this huge crush on her. Finally got my nerve up to ask her to the Spring Fling. First dance, I was terrified. I'm tromping all over her feet. But as the dances went on, it got easier, and right in the middle of Sam Cooke singing "You Send Me," I went for it. I was just so surprised she kissed me back.
Phil: Well, you can't have your first kiss again, but you can have your next one right in there.

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