‘Snow Ball’
Season 8, Episode 9 - Aired December 14, 2016
When Manny and Luke organize the school's lavish winter dance, they end up in over their heads following a communication error. As Gloria, Claire, Mitchell and Cameron chaperone the dance, Cameron is nervously waiting for his football team to prank him, Mitchell is offended by a gay student's sarcastic remarks, and Gloria and Claire try to distract an overeager parent volunteer. Meanwhile, Jay agrees to spend the evening with Phil just to get out of attending the dance.
Quote from Cameron
Cameron: Oh, my God, I hate pranks so much. Now I'm gonna spend the whole dance paranoid wondering what they're gonna do. Is it gonna hurt? Am I gonna cry?
Mitchell: You're a clown. Isn't that mostly just pranking people?
Cameron: No, it is not. Clowns are loving and joyful. You know what? I was warned about this kind of ignorance.
Don't make me regret marrying outside the big top.
Quote from Claire
Claire: We got to keep our eyes peeled for kids trying to bring alcohol in here. I cannot make it through this thing without a drink.
Quote from Phil
Phil: How about ice cream?
Jay: Too cold.
Phil: Coffee?
Jay: Too late.
Phil: Oh, wait a minute. I'm such an idiot. I forgot about the Clint Eastwood retrospective followed by the scotch tasting where famous athletes from the '70s tell stories about how life used to be in Youngstown.
Jay: Really?
Phil: No! It doesn't exist.
Quote from Jay
Phil: Okay, we could go bowling.
Jay: Hmm. Had my league last night. I'm a little bowled out.
Phil: Fair enough. Round of mini golf?
Jay: Great idea. Wait up. I'll go get my frog and my slingshot. We'll hop on our bikes and go down there.
Phil: We could get something to eat.
Jay: Already ate.
Phil: Go to the movies?
Jay: Hate the lines.
Phil: How about a bar?
Jay: So, we drive across town, pay a 200% markup on the same glass of scotch I'm holding in my hand right now just so some drunken old broad can stagger over and tell me I look like Ernest Borgnine.
Quote from Luke
Manny: How could you let this happen?
Luke: I don't know. You were texting me while I was live streaming my breakfast, and... Wait a minute. I did say $800. Look.
Manny: Oh, my God, this is all my fault.
Luke: Well, well, well. Looks like the dunce cap is on the other foot.
Quote from Phil
Gloria: Do you love our sweaters? I thought they would be perfect for the Snow Ball dance. I got them at the store where you buy things that go with the other things.
Phil: Oh, I know that place. That's where we got our Salt-N-Pepa salt and pepper shakers. Claire can never tell which one is which.
Claire: A confusing idea poorly executed. Stop implying I'm a racist.
Quote from Jay
Jay: Much as I'd love to meet this dingbat, how many chaperones do they really need? Takes one person to turn a garden hose on those dry humpers.
Quote from Jay
Phil: This is gonna be so great!
Jay: Sure it will. Maybe give them about a five-minute lag time before you hit the road.
Phil: What do you mean? You you said we were gonna do something together.
Jay: I was just trying to get us out of that stupid dance.
Phil: Oh. Okay.
Jay: Enjoy your night, Phil. I've got a date with an epic Western about a crooked sheriff, and I'm at the first of what I predict to be many wrongful hangings.
Quote from Claire
Gloria: Marjorie, 12:00.
Claire: Oh, God. Quick, pretend we're having a fight. Then she won't come over here. You stole my inheritance, you gold digger!
Gloria: Wow, you had that one ready to go.
Quote from Gloria
Claire: Principal Brown. He's single. We could fix them up.
Gloria: At the Winter dance. That's so romantic.
Claire: Yes, and maybe she'll get off our backs if she spends more time on hers.
Gloria: You really are your father's son.