Previous Episode Next Episode 

‘Snow Ball’ Quotes Page 1 of 4

Modern Family: Snow Ball

809. Snow Ball

Aired December 14, 2016

When Manny and Luke organize the school's lavish winter dance, they end up in over their heads following a communication error. As Gloria, Claire, Mitchell and Cameron chaperone the dance, Cameron is nervously waiting for his football team to prank him, Mitchell is offended by a gay student's sarcastic remarks, and Gloria and Claire try to d a distract an overeager parent volunteer. Meanwhile, Jay agrees to spend the evening with Phil just to get out of attending the dance.

Quote from Cameron

Cameron: Oh, my God, I hate pranks so much. Now I'm gonna spend the whole dance paranoid wondering what they're gonna do. Is it gonna hurt? Am I gonna cry?
Mitchell: You're a clown. Isn't that mostly just pranking people?
Cameron: No, it is not. Clowns are loving and joyful. You know what? I was warned about this kind of ignorance.
Don't make me regret marrying outside the big top.

Rate

Quote from Claire

Claire: We got to keep our eyes peeled for kids trying to bring alcohol in here. I cannot make it through this thing without a drink.

Quote from Jay

Phil: Okay, we could go bowling.
Jay: Hmm. Had my league last night. I'm a little bowled out.
Phil: Fair enough. Round of mini golf?
Jay: Great idea. Wait up. I'll go get my frog and my slingshot. We'll hop on our bikes and go down there.
Phil: We could get something to eat.
Jay: Already ate.
Phil: Go to the movies?
Jay: Hate the lines.
Phil: How about a bar?
Jay: So, we drive across town, pay a 200% markup on the same glass of scotch I'm holding in my hand right now just so some drunken old broad can stagger over and tell me I look like Ernest Borgnine.

Quote from Phil

Phil: How about ice cream?
Jay: Too cold.
Phil: Coffee?
Jay: Too late.
Phil: Oh, wait a minute. I'm such an idiot. I forgot about the Clint Eastwood retrospective followed by the scotch tasting where famous athletes from the '70s tell stories about how life used to be in Youngstown.
Jay: Really?
Phil: No! It doesn't exist.

Quote from Luke

Manny: How could you let this happen?
Luke: I don't know. You were texting me while I was live streaming my breakfast, and... Wait a minute. I did say $800. Look.
Manny: Oh, my God, this is all my fault.
Luke: Well, well, well. Looks like the dunce cap is on the other foot.

Quote from Phil

Gloria: Do you love our sweaters? I thought they would be perfect for the Snow Ball dance. I got them at the store where you buy things that go with the other things.
Phil: Oh, I know that place. That's where we got our Salt-N-Pepa salt and pepper shakers. Claire can never tell which one is which.
Claire: A confusing idea poorly executed. Stop implying I'm a racist.

Quote from Jay

Jay: Much as I'd love to meet this dingbat, how many chaperones do they really need? Takes one person to turn a garden hose on those dry humpers.

Quote from Jay

Phil: This is gonna be so great!
Jay: Sure it will. Maybe give them about a five-minute lag time before you hit the road.
Phil: What do you mean? You you said we were gonna do something together.
Jay: I was just trying to get us out of that stupid dance.
Phil: Oh. Okay.
Jay: Enjoy your night, Phil. I've got a date with an epic Western about a crooked sheriff, and I'm at the first of what I predict to be many wrongful hangings.

Quote from Claire

Gloria: Marjorie, 12:00.
Claire: Oh, God. Quick, pretend we're having a fight. Then she won't come over here. You stole my inheritance, you gold digger!
Gloria: Wow, you had that one ready to go.

Quote from Gloria

Claire: Principal Brown. He's single. We could fix them up.
Gloria: At the Winter dance. That's so romantic.
Claire: Yes, and maybe she'll get off our backs if she spends more time on hers.
Gloria: You really are your father's son.

Page 2 
 Previous Episode Next Episode 
  View another episode