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‘And One to Grow On’ Quotes

Modern Family: And One to Grow On

511. And One to Grow On

Aired January 8, 2014

Luke is furious after Phil tricks him into taking a dance class. Meanwhile, Jay and Gloria worry that Manny might be courting a girl who is out of his league, and Mitchell and Cameron lose their chosen wedding venue.

Quote from Claire

Alex: Hey, mom, can you take me driving? My test is coming up, and I really need to practice.
Claire: Oh, honey, I would, but I've got a big closets and blinds union meeting today.
[aside to camera:]
Claire: There is no closets and blinds union. Driving with Alex is torture. She drives so slowly. I have to be the only parent who slams on the imaginary gas.

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Quote from Phil

Phil: Hey, honey.
Claire: Oh, you're just in time for breakfast.
Luke: Ooh, we should probably go light on the food. Something tells me we're not gonna want to do this on a full stomach. I can't believe there's such a thing as autopsy camp.
[aside to camera:]
Phil: There is no such thing as autopsy camp. I had to trick Luke 'cause I'm actually taking him to a ballroom-dance class. He's been resisting, but it's in his blood. I come from a long line of dancing Dunphys -- a kick line, actually.

Quote from Claire

Haley: Hey, I'm not doing anything. I guess I could take her.
Alex: Great! I'll go check the tire pressure and the fluid levels!
Haley: Fun! Can't wait! Be out in a sec! [to Claire] Okay, my rate just went up.
Claire: All right, but this buys your time and your silence. Alex can never know how much I hate driving with her. [horn honks] Mm, she's in a hurry today.
Haley: Oh, that's just step one of her nine-point safety test. Step two is checking the horn to make sure checking the horn didn't break the horn. [horn honks]
Claire: She should never drive.

Quote from Phil

Luke: Forget it! You tricked me!
Phil: I'm sorry, buddy, but no son of mine's going to High School without at least knowing how to do a proper box step. Trust me, dancers always get the girls. Remember the great Kevin Bacon from "Footloose"?
Luke: More like "Footloser."
Phil: Careful! All right, no more talking. We're doing this. You'll thank me someday. It gets better when you find your signature move! They used to call me "King of the Dips"!

Quote from Jay

Gloria: Manny, whose coat is that?
Manny: Amy Martin left it here last night after my party. I was getting some pretty strong signals from her. I think she did it on purpose so she'd have an excuse to come back.
Jay: Or because she couldn't get out fast enough. If she was a cartoon, she'd have left her skin here.

Quote from Gloria

Jay: I overheard him talking to Reuben. There's some girl that really likes him, but of course Manny's not interested in her. He's got to go for the head cheerleader.
Gloria: How do you know that Amy's the head cheerleader?
Jay: I overheard that, too.
Gloria: For someone whose favorite words at the movies are, "What did he say?" you overhear pretty good.

Quote from Mitchell

Mitchell: Oh, wait, um, I'm sorry. Is this price per person?
Mr. Quigley: Yes, excluding alcohol, cake, and music.
Mitchell: What's that, the mennonite package?

Quote from Luke

Phil: Well, somebody smells good. What perfume is that?
Luke: Every perfume! Twenty of the geekiest girls God ever fouled this planet with and just me dancing with all of them! During the Charleston, my hair got caught in one of their headgear!
Phil: Wow, Charleston on the first day?
Luke: Last day! Just because you're a dancer doesn't mean I have to be one, too, cha cha cha. Damn it! I'm never gonna fall for one of your lies again. Just take me to autopsy camp. [police siren wails]
Phil: Oh, shoot. Am I gonna get a ticket?
Luke: If there's any justice, it'll be a big one, too, three, and four. Damn it!

Quote from Phil

Luke: This is what you get for lying to me.
Phil: What choice did I have? You used to be up for anything. Now, no matter what I suggest, it's no, no, no.
Luke: It's called growing up and having your own interests, like the minister's daughter in your precious "Footloose."
Phil: Wow, using my own movie against me. Let's hear it for the boy.

Quote from Mitchell

Cameron: [aside to camera] Two of my students, Tracy and Sophie, BFFs, were planning on having a joint sweet 16 together until they got in a fight over a boy, Rodney. Now Tracy is planning on having her own party at the Carriage House.
Mitchell: Our venue, our date. So, our solution: talk to them, patch things up so that they have their party together again at the original location.
Cameron: Friends fighting over a boy, something we know a thing or two about.
Mitchell: Of course, usually it's gay men, not teenage girls, so we will have to adjust our approach just a... Not at all.

Quote from Haley

Alex: You are in so much trouble.
Haley: Oh, don't you think I know that?! What am I gonna do?!
Alex: You're going to get what you deserve. A parking violation is second only to a moving violation, which is grounds for the loss of a driving privilege. Privilege, not a right.
Haley: Oh, my God, shut up! This is why mom pays me to drive with you!
Alex: What?
Haley: Where do you think she's calling me from, the Closet and Blinds Union? Why would closet workers and blind people even have a union together?! Think!

Quote from Jay

Gloria: I love the sign!
Andy: Uh, I'm not sure. First, I thought just a little accent of color was all it needed, but now I'm thinking balloons.
Gloria: Jay, what do you like better, the accent or the balloons?
Jay: I've been asking myself that since I met you.

Quote from Phil

Gloria: Hi, Phil. I heard about jail. How are you doing?
Phil: It was rough. Stayed in that cold cell a lot longer than I needed to thanks to my lovely-
Claire: Your system is ridiculous, Phil.
Phil: Quite simple, actually! "Cheddah" rhymes with "hedda." Where do you rest your head on? Your pilla!

Quote from Manny

Manny: [on the phone] Yeah, she's still doing it, following me around all moony-eyed. She just won't get the message. But on the bright side, Amy's on her way over.
Jay: We need to talk.
Manny: Got to go, Reuben. [hangs up] What's up?
Jay: It's about your love life.
Manny: A lot of people here, Jay.
Jay: Consider it an intervention. Now, this whole Amy thing is going nowhere, but it sounds like you have a girl that really likes you. Now, I know it's not everything you want. M-maybe she's a little thick in the middle. I don't know. But why don't you give her a try?
Manny: So you think that's the girl I should go for?
Jay: She's obviously crazy about you. I mean, what else do you even know about her?
Lily: Hi, Manny.
Manny: Well, she's 6 and related to me. Shall I go on?


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