Cameron: Well, yeah, but college isn't necessarily the right path for every-
Principal Brown: Tucker, are you familiar with the term "Golden Apple"?
Cameron: I am. I'm a little surprised it's made its way into the straight vernacular. It's still illegal in Alabama.

Jay: Can't we have this meeting in the conference room? You know, where we all sit around a table, there's a nice breakfast spread? I am tired of having to keep cream cheese in my desk.

Cameron: All right. We heard from our college-going sheep. Now, Luke, you wisely took a gap year, got a job, made mad stacks, and invested a little, correct?
Luke: Totally. I own 300 microrubels, a Russian cryptocurrency I heard about on Facebook, which currently, you can only use to buy a Chechen party drug called Frankenstein.

Claire: Hey, Dad, our video conference is about to start.
Jay: Can we make it fast? I have that sales meeting offsite. Hence the power threads and box of cigars.
Claire: Whoa! Dad, it's 10:00 in the morning. Mm.Ohh!
Jay: I don't swallow it. He smells it on my breath, he lets his guard down. In minutes, I'm taking him in a way that would make a prison guard blush. It's the way gentlemen do business.
Claire: Well, I am sorry to ruin your Glengarry, Glenlivet fun, but that meeting got canceled.

Claire: Dad, you know why we do it this way. We have people working here. We've got people working from home. We've got people working all over the world. Tiffany is in Berlin at KlausetSchvarg.
Jay: They still have that conference? I thought they shut that down in the '80s after we used that sweater hutch to smuggle that dissident out during East KlausetSchvarg.

Cameron: Now, Manny, no one can doubt the real-world value of an art degree, but talk a little bit about the exciting social scene.
Manny: It's funny you ask. I went to a wine and cheese mixer at the Dean's house the other night. He collects instruments of indigenous people. And by the time we killed the last bit of a chewy Zinfandel, our jam sesh started to sound like a didgeri-don't. [chuckles] Thank you.

Claire: Dad, we can bail on the whole thing.
Jay: You know what I need to bail on? Being such a little peach.
Claire: Hmm?
Jay: What? They bruise easily. It could be an expression. I don't know.

Cameron: Two sisters, two paths. Graduation, procreation. The world on a string, a baby and no ring.
Haley: Uh, you... you said you were happy for me. You said a baby would bring me limitless joy.
Cameron: And a limited bank account.

Cameron: Welcome. Most of you know me as Acting Vice Principal Tucker, but today, I am your guide to the future... [quieter] the future... the future.
Mitchell: Okay, so you didn't take my note on the echo.
Cameron: Mitchell, I can't take another negative voice in my head. I'm already freaking out about Principal Brown.
[aside to camera:]
Cameron: I kind of have a bully at school.

Cameron: Hey, world, there's a new power couple on the horizon.
Mitchell: Yeah.
Cameron: Cam and Mitch. Citch... No, that sounds weird. Mam...
Mitchell: We'll find it.