Home Improvement Quotes

Home Improvement

Home Improvement

Tim Allen stars as Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor, host of a local tool show, who is always looking to add "more power", whether he's at work, in his garage, or raising his three boys with his wife Jill.

Starring: Tim Allen, Patricia Richardson, Earl Hindman, Zachary Ty Bryan, Jonathan Taylor Thomas, Taran Noah Smith, Richard Karn, Debbe Dunning.
Recurring Actors: William O'Leary, Blake Clark, Jimmy Labriola, Charles Robinson, Mickey Jones, Gary McGurk, Casey Sander, Shirley Prestia.
Original Run: 1991-1999.

Popular Quotes

Quote from Tim in At Sea

Tim: I wanna talk about you and Angela.
Brad: Dad, there's nothing to talk about.
Tim: I want to talk about sex for a minute.
Brad: Dad, I don't want...
Tim: I want you to listen to me, please. Listen up. Sex is, um... It's like a car. The best idea is to keep the car in the garage for a long, long, long time. And then, somewhere in the future, the distant future, when that garage door opens... you gotta think, "car cover".

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Quote from Tim in Her Cheatin' Mind

Chris: So the only character you liked was the handyman?
Tim: No. I think the hero of this fine novel would have to be the husband. [all laugh]
Chris: He was the quintessential dullard.
Tim: Well, dullard or mallard, I don't care. She was married and only her husband should be allowed near Madame's ovaries.

Quote from Jill in Back in the Saddle Shoes Again

Tim: Well, let me ask you a question. Have you ever wished that you'd married somebody as smart as you?
Jill: You think I'm smarter than you?
Tim: Yeah.
Jill: Well, that just shows how smart you are.
Tim: You didn't answer the question.
Jill: Do I ever wish that I married somebody else? Why would I wanna marry anybody else? You're funny, you're sexy, creative, you take chances, and you're definitely not afraid to be wrong. I'm perfectly happy being married to a man who thinks that PBS is something that women get once a month.
Tim: What I said was, "Once a month is enough for PBS." And way too much for the other thing.

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Quote from Tim in Pilot

Tim: All right. We gotta get this done before your mom gets home, OK? Take a look at this bad boy. That's a Finley two-stage, five-horse Blastmaster compressor. All tubing inside is stainless steel...
Randy: Dad, why are we doing this?
Tim: Randy, it's a house full of men. We're reclaiming the male spirit. Huh?
Brad: By working on a dishwasher?
Tim: It's either that or sitting around a campfire telling stories naked. [Brad and Randy run off] Hey, hey, hey. Where you guys going? I'm kidding around.
Tim: It's just you and me, Mark. Unless you got something else to do.
Mark: No, I want to be with you.
Tim: Great. [Mark takes off his shirt] What are you doing?
Mark: Getting naked.
Tim: You don't have to get all the way naked. All right, this is bare-chested men's work. Come over here.

Quote from Tim in Al's Fair Lady

Tim: Trudy, good to see you again.
Trudy: Nice to see you, Tim. So nice to meet you, Jill. Al just raves about you.
Jill: Oh, that's so sweet. Well, I brought a three-bean salad.
Trudy: Oh, you shouldn't have.
Tim: I tried to stop her.
Trudy: Don't be silly. I'm sure it'll be a perfect complement to the pheasant.
Tim: Pheasant? That's my favorite fowl!