Home Improvement Quotes

Home Improvement

Home Improvement

Tim Allen stars as Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor, host of a local tool show, who is always looking to add "more power", whether he's at work, in his garage, or raising his three boys with his wife Jill.

Starring: Tim Allen, Patricia Richardson, Earl Hindman, Zachary Ty Bryan, Jonathan Taylor Thomas, Taran Noah Smith, Richard Karn, Debbe Dunning.
Recurring Actors: William O'Leary, Blake Clark, Jimmy Labriola, Charles Robinson, Mickey Jones, Gary McGurk, Casey Sander, Shirley Prestia.
Original Run: 1991-1999.

Quote of the Day

Quote from Jill in Tim 'The Landlord' Taylor

Jill: You know, I've done similar things to him for different reasons.
Al: You have?
Jill: There was this one time, I was really overwhelmed with schoolwork. And he kept pestering me about remodeling a bathroom or something. So, I snuck out to the garage and I... I squirted some motor oil under the engine of his Mustang. It kept him out of my hair for days.
Al: That's brilliant!
Jill: This other time, I painted chicken pox on Mark's face so I wouldn't have to go to a tractor pull.
Al: Oh, this is a side of you I never knew existed!
Jill: Yeah. I'm devious.

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Popular Quotes

Quote from Tim in At Sea

Tim: I wanna talk about you and Angela.
Brad: Dad, there's nothing to talk about.
Tim: I want to talk about sex for a minute.
Brad: Dad, I don't want...
Tim: I want you to listen to me, please. Listen up. Sex is, um... It's like a car. The best idea is to keep the car in the garage for a long, long, long time. And then, somewhere in the future, the distant future, when that garage door opens... you gotta think, "car cover".

Quote from Tim in Her Cheatin' Mind

Chris: So the only character you liked was the handyman?
Tim: No. I think the hero of this fine novel would have to be the husband. [all laugh]
Chris: He was the quintessential dullard.
Tim: Well, dullard or mallard, I don't care. She was married and only her husband should be allowed near Madame's ovaries.

Quote from Jill in Back in the Saddle Shoes Again

Tim: Well, let me ask you a question. Have you ever wished that you'd married somebody as smart as you?
Jill: You think I'm smarter than you?
Tim: Yeah.
Jill: Well, that just shows how smart you are.
Tim: You didn't answer the question.
Jill: Do I ever wish that I married somebody else? Why would I wanna marry anybody else? You're funny, you're sexy, creative, you take chances, and you're definitely not afraid to be wrong. I'm perfectly happy being married to a man who thinks that PBS is something that women get once a month.
Tim: What I said was, "Once a month is enough for PBS." And way too much for the other thing.

Quote Collections

  • Christmas Quotes

    “Christmas Quotes”

    Enjoy a selection of quotes from classic Christmas episodes of Home Improvement.

    35 quotes

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Quote from Jill in Much Ado About Nana

Lillian: Now, you just hold it right there, young lady. Now, all that moving was hard on the whole family, and your father knew that. Seeing us upset would have made things worse for him. We all had to be good little soldiers.
Jill: Yeah. Yeah, I remember all that "good little soldier" stuff. Having to keep the house in perfect shape. Lining us up in our perfect little dresses with all the other officers' kids.
Lillian: Yes, that's right. We were mean, lean and clean. But we had fun, too. You and your sisters played hopscotch and jacks just like all the other little girls. You and I had our teatime.
Jill: We had our what?
Lillian: Teatime. We'd have tea and cookies, but I'd tell you we were having tea and crumpets. [chuckles] Then when your father came home you'd tell him we had tea and puppets.
Jill: "Tea and puppets"? I said that? That is so cute. How could you stand me?
Lillian: Sometimes I couldn't.
Jill: So that's why you wanted me to have the tea set?
Lillian: Well, yes. I... I know you look at that tea set and you see some old cups and a chipped saucer, but I look at that tea set and I see you.