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‘Finale Part 1’ Quotes

Modern Family: Finale Part 1

1117. Finale Part 1

Aired April 8, 2020

Mitchell and Cam settle in on their new normal, and Phil and Claire decide that one of the kids needs to move out in order to take control of the house again. Meanwhile, as Gloria becomes more successful at work, she notices Jay, Manny and Joe don't seem to need her as much.

Quote from Ronaldo

Ronaldo: Mitchell! I love this house! Do you love it? Say you love it.
Mitchell: I do. I love it. I love the flow. I love the lights. I love the location. There... There's even a karaoke room in the basement.
Ronaldo: [gasps] So fun! The last time I had a hot Mike in my basement... You know what? I'm gonna wait till there are more people here.
Mitchell: Oh, oh, the baby's awake. Do... Do you want to meet him?
Ronaldo: I do. I can ask him if he liked our gift. We never heard.

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Quote from Jay

Jay: Ta-da! [all gasp] He's an old-time barkeep. Now, check it out. He's a big guy, like Cam, and he's got red hair, like you!
Mitchell: Dad! This is exactly what we needed... a little whimsy! I love it!
Gloria: No, you don't. Other gays, tell him. [all speak supportively]
Jay: We're gonna have so much fun with this guy. We can throw a-an Uncle Sam hat on him for the 4th of July, a pilgrim hat for Thanksgiving.
Mitchell: Or a rainbow wig for... for Pride.
Jay: Well, it's a piece of art. I don't think you want to make it silly.
Mitchell: So, does this, uh, big fella have a name?
Jay: Sure does. Since he's a combo of Cam and Mitch, he's Kitsch.

Quote from Jay

Gloria: How are you feeling?
Jay: Uh, it's gonna be weird without them being here all the time. Plus, they got the new kid. Poor guy's gonna grow up with those Missouri closets, thinking that's normal.

Quote from Dylan

Dylan: Now that they don't test on animals, I've made extra money doing clinical trials at work. The hours are long, but the mazes are fun.

Quote from Dylan

Claire: Who made macaroni and cheese and left it out?
Dylan: Sorry, Mrs. D. That was me and Luke. But in our defense, we were high and got spooked by your German dishwasher.

Quote from Phil

Phil: Yep! Gonna lose a toenail. There goes sandal season!

Quote from Cameron

[aside to camera:]
Mitchell: It's been a weird and wonderful month.
Cameron: We adopted a baby boy.
Mitchell: Yeah, and we moved into a new home, which we love so much, we named our son after our street. Rexford.
Cameron: Rex Tucker-Pritchett. With a name like that, he can be anything he wants... a quarterback, a running back, a middle linebacker.
Mitchell: Oh, he... he's got big feet. Maybe he could be a kicker.
Cameron: Why don't you believe in him, Mitchell?

Quote from Haley

Alex: Eh. Arvin doesn't see me that way. I mean, d-does he, do you think?
Haley: Yes! He gets all nervous and yammery when he's around you. How do you still not know you're a babe?
Alex: Well, I mean, you did call me a frumpy nerd for 20 years.
Haley: Well, I didn't stop because I got nicer.

Quote from Joe

Manny: It's not my fault. I tried to stop him.
Gloria: Stop who? What happened? [gasps] Ay, your hair! Where is it?!
Joe: Dad took me to his barber. It was so cool! Have you heard of Playboy?

Quote from Manny

Jay: Check this out.
Gloria: Oh, my God!
Jay: [laughs] See? You don't get that reaction from a picture of a dusty guy picking oranges on Sunset Boulevard.
Gloria: That's the ugliest thing I've ever seen.
Joe: But I like my hair!
Gloria: No, not you, sweetie. You're perfect. And no woman will ever deserve you.
Manny: Hey, I don't know if you journal, but you might want to dog-ear today's page for your future therapist.

Quote from Joe

Gloria: Jay, you can't be buying home décor things for gays. Mitch and Cam are going to hate this thing!
Jay: No, they won't. The guys are gonna love it. Just like Joe loves his haircut.
Gloria: Ay. Everybody's gonna think that he has lice.
Joe: I hope not. Bad hygiene is one of Miss September's three biggest turn-offs.

Quote from Luke

Alex: I-I just took a huge salary cut. So it is really not a good time for me to move.
Luke: Me neither. I just took a leave of absence from work to spend more time with my family.

Quote from Dylan

Haley: Well, I have two babies and a special needs husband.
Dylan: It's true. I have a medical condition that requires a room big enough for a giant mattress.
Haley: He sleep-wiggles.

Quote from Alex

Haley: Well, Alex is the one that has the most education.
Alex: [scoffs] I shouldn't be penalized for being smart. I'm not running for president.

Quote from Cameron

Cameron: Okay, I hope the big earthquake that we're long overdue for doesn't hit while you're down there!
Ronaldo: You're being so negative. What is wrong with you?
Cameron: Okay, look, I have to tell someone, but you cannot repeat it to anyone, especially Mitchell!
Ronaldo: Oh.
Cameron: I just got offered the football job that I wanted in Missouri.
Ronaldo: But you just moved in!
Cameron: I know.
Ronaldo: With a newborn!
Cameron: I know!
Ronaldo: And you were the one pushing for both!
Cameron: I don't need a recap! It's my crisis!

Quote from Ronaldo

Ronaldo: Hello, you two.
Claire: Hi.
Ronaldo: How about a little quiche?
Phil: Oh, how European. [kisses Ronaldo on the cheek] Mwah. Mwah.

Quote from Ronaldo

Claire: [eating mini quiche] Oh, Ronaldo, what's your secret?
Ronaldo: Mm, Cam got offered that coaching job in Missouri, and Pepper got his eighth face lift.
Claire: What?!
Ronaldo: [sighs] I know. We don't buy soup anymore because he can't close his mouth all the way.
Phil: Cam! You got the job!
Claire: And you're moving.
Cameron: Damn it, Ronaldo. Apparently, Pepper's not the only one who can't keep his mouth closed. Go. Serve your little apps.

Quote from Jay

Gloria: It was sweet how Mitch didn't have to think twice about going.
Jay: Well, it's like he said, it's his turn to support Cam. Almost the same thing I'm trying to do for you, except I'm pissing you off.
Gloria: Because you won't do anything the way that I would do it!
Jay: I don't see anyone else complaining.
Gloria: That's the worst part... that nobody needs me. It's 2020. I shouldn't be losing jobs to an old white man.
Jay: When Manny gets homesick, who do you think he's gonna call? When Joe has a nightmare, who does he want? And when I'm sitting here already sad about Mitchell leaving, who do you think I want to walk into this room?
Gloria: Me?
Jay: Of course! And I think I know what's going on here. You're feeling guilty about working. Don't. Do you think I ever felt guilty working while you held down the fort here?
Gloria: You sure didn't.
Jay: No, and now it's time for you to go out into the world and crush it.
Gloria: While you hold down the fort and look pretty?
Jay: Well, I'm not just a sex object. I have other gifts.

Quote from Phil

Claire: Are your brother and sister here? I want to talk about this whole living situation.
Alex: Actually, problem solved. I'm moving to Switzerland.
Claire: What?
Alex: They're transferring my research team there. I get housing and everything. So you're good.
Phil: Like, hot chocolate Switzerland?

Quote from Haley

Haley: Oh, hey! Did you tell them our news?
Alex: Uh, just mine.
Haley: Dylan and I are moving out, too.
Claire: Oh. Oh, but you don't have to!
Haley: Well, we want to. You guys are right. It's time for us to go. We did the math, and we realized we had a million dollars. [chuckles] Then we had Alex check the math, and turns out we don't, but we do have enough for a cute apartment.

Quote from Mitchell

Cameron: I haven't called the college yet. I wanted to talk to you first. I know you were being generous up there, and... You know me. I-I can be happy anywhere.
Mitchell: No, seriously. After some time, I-I'll forget all about this place.
Cameron: We named our son after the street.
Mitchell: So we'll just change his name to the new street.
Cameron: The coach's house is at the intersection of Route 13 and Burnt Corn Lane.
Mitchell: Dear God, what are we doing? I-I'm not gonna... I'm not gonna fit in. Are there... Are there lattes? Are there art house theaters? Well, what if... what if I never see a black-and-white movie or... or a black-and-white couple?

Quote from Lily

Lily: Hey. Where are we on this move?
Cameron: Well, that's what Daddy and I are talking about right now, sweetie.
Lily: 'Cause I have a major project due on Tuesday, and I'm not saying I haven't started it, but if you asked to see what I've done so far, there wouldn't be anything.

Quote from Lily

Mitchell: We're going.
Cameron: Are you sure?
Mitchell: I'm gonna need a little time to adjust, but we... we are going. Are you okay with that?
Lily: Totally. I'll reinvent myself. I'm gonna dye my hair blue and carry around an emotional support pig.
Cameron: Aww! I kn... I know just the pig!

Quote from Lily

Mitchell: Cam, well, call the college.
Cameron: Okay! I just want this to be the right thing. If... If this ends up hurting the family, I would never forgive myself.
Mitchell: No, no. We're stronger than that, okay? We're gonna be fine.
Cameron: [voice breaking] Yeah.
[ "Endless Love" plays]
Mitchell: Not... Not now, Lily.
Lily: You guys are gonna end up singing. Just get to it.
Mitchell: Excuse me, young lady. We're... We're having a-a serious conversation here, okay? Do not reduce us to a couple stereotypical... [sings] My love There's only you in my li-life The only thing that's bright [talks] Now you.
Cameron: Why do I always have to sing the female part? [high-pitched singing] My first love You're every breath that I take
Lily: I didn't think this through.

Quote from Sal

Sal: I do not like being the first person at a party.
Mitchell: Uh, oh, actually, you're the last one.
Cameron: Yeah, Sal, everybody's gone.
Sal: What?! Boo! Gays used to be so fun, before kids. Come on! Let's do shots! You know this house is only a block from my new place. Well, it's not "mine," but I get to stay there for free 'cause I let the guy who owns it watch me on webcams. Aah! I'm gonna be coming over all the time! Yay! And, um, Happy Face Emoji here can babysit my dogs and kid. And you guys cook, right? Ahh, 'cause my gummy's kicking in.
Mitchell: Actually, I'm feeling better about the move already.


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