Phil: So, Dad, I, uh, I w... I wanted to ask you...
Frank: Oh, boy. No serious talk, okay? Yes, I'm taking all my million pills. You can come over and press my stomach. I'm starting to feel like a bean bag chair.

Phil: This takes me to my next question. Um... did you and Mom ever... ever want a-a-another child?
Frank: Well, I suppose all parents wonder how things would have changed if they had a different child.
Phil: I-I didn't... didn't mean a different one. I-I mean an additional one.
Frank: Why do you ask?
Phil: Well, 'cause if you'd had another kid, maybe... maybe he'd have taken over the business and... and you wouldn't have had to sell. I always... I always felt kind of bad that I didn't.
Frank: The answer is no, Phil. Never. Because... Well, you did take over the family business, didn't you? Keeping life light, making it fun for everybody.
Phil: I learned from the best.

Frank: You know, your mother and I came here every Sunday for 44 years.
Phil: You miss her, don't you?
Frank: It comes and goes. Fourth of July is rough.
Phil: Really? I didn't realize she was so patriotic.
Frank: Well, it's that hot dog eating contest they have on TV. You know, I always thought that your mother could have been a competitive eater. No food ever expired in our house. She'd see that last day pop up on a pound of bacon or a gallon of milk, and down it went. It was personal for her.

Hank: I like to blow up fireworks.
Pat: What are you saying, Hank?
Hank: That's right. Do you think you're easy to live with all the time, Pat? So skittish and faint-hearted and "Oh, my"? And last year, I caught a student with fireworks and they were still in my briefcase when I got home. You were on the couch, recuperating from your trip to the grocery store. I wanted to tell you to just get over it, but instead, I took the fireworks into the woods and I blew them up. And I liked it. So I got more. I had to drive to West Virginia. But it feels good to be able to really make some gosh darn noise.
Pat: So when you go on your nature walks?
Hank: That's right. I blow up nature. Boom!

Pat: Would you like some warm cider?
Robert: Oh, no. No, thank you. I don't want to take up too much of your time. Anyway... Um... The reason that I'm here... [takes deep breath] I've been thinking a lot about Amy, and she means the world to me. In fact, that's why I'm here. I wanna do things right. A- A- And out of respect for her and you, I would like to formally request your daughter's hand in marriage.
Hank: No.
Robert: What?
Hank: No.
Robert: No?!
Hank: We don't think it's a very good idea.
Pat: It's nice to see you again, though. You probably have a long drive back. I'll put some cider in a cup for you.

Pat: We got to see Peter's apartment for the first time.
Debra: How's Peter doing?
Hank: He's doing great. [Pat sobs]
Amy: Mom, what's wrong?
Pat: I'm sorry. It's just that Peter's really not doing great.
Debra: What's the matter?
Hank: Mother's concerned because Peter is an unkempt layabout who constantly disappoints us, that's all.